01/02/2023
Has communication in your marriage been a struggle?
Are you exhausted from having the same repeated arguments for years?
Do you want to be able to communicate easily with your partner and wonder why it has to be so hard?
⭐️ Then this training is for you!
What if there was a simple way to solve your communication problems for good?
Well, there is!
.
I’ve created a FREE 5-part training to show you why what you've been doing isn't working and what you can do instead to move your communication and marriage in a positive direction.
In this training you will learn:
✔︎The #1 mistake you're making that keeps you from being heard.
✔︎The first thing you must do to end the negative cycle of arguments and communicate more easily with your spouse.
✔︎The 2 critical communication skills that promote understanding and connection in any conversation.
✔︎3 Simple steps you can implement right away to start changing your communication patterns today.
Get the FREE Training below.
https://www.happymarriageexpert.com/ConflictConnection
12/20/2022
THE HOLIDAY CRUNCH IS ON.
And with it comes hurriedness and increased stress.
I was chatting with a coach friend of mine this morning who was arguing with her husband over botched travel plans.
That's just one of many added stressors during this busy season that could be putting you at odds with your spouse.
Can you relate?
That's why I've put together this free 5-part video resource.
From Conflict to Connection: 3 Simple Steps to turn any argument into a productive conversation.
SIGN UP NOW FOR THESE PRACTICAL TOOLS YOU CAN START USING RIGHT AWAY TO MOVE YOUR MARRIAGE IN A POSITIVE DIRECTION.
The simple steps in this video series will help you to NOT get caught up in the same old arguments so you can enjoy your time together....and NOT just during the holidays.
My Marriage Works | From Conflict to Connection
A 5 part video training that will teach you how to communicate more effectively, resolve conflict easily, so you can strengthen your love & connection
11/07/2022
Do you consider yourself a good listener?
What about when it comes to your marriage?
Do you listen to your partner like you would a good friend?
Or is it more like you’re kinda listening but really thinking about how wrong they are and what you’re planning to say as a rebuttal?
The truth is most of us could probably work on our listening skills especially when it comes to our significant relationships.
In long term marriage it is very common for partners to become focused on being heard by the other but are often not so good at listening to each other.
So don't feel bad if this is you. Like other skills, you can get better at this through practice.
So, Think for a moment.
What happens when your partner says something you don’t like or DON'T agree with?
Do you pause, get curious and ASK QUESTIONS about why he thinks that?
Or, do you GET DEFENSIVE and tell him he’s wrong, and that’s a stupid idea and we’re not doing it that way!?
Do you judge, criticize and offer your unsolicited solution… “you should….”
I used to do that too. Not just with my husband but with my kids as well.
The outcome was always the same.
Neither of us felt heard.
We were both angry and annoyed with each other and could never seem to have a productive conversation.
The good news is.....
You can have better communication, easier conversations, just by becoming a better listener. And by doing this you model for your partner, what it looks like to really listen.
No I mean like REALLY listening.
That means listening to learn.
Being genuinely curious, asking questions, even if you don’t agree.
These are skills that will benefit you in ALL relationships.
When I learned to listen and be curious instead of critical and judgmental I learned things about my husband I didn’t know before.
Because my curiosity invited conversation.
And conversation invites connection.
The same is true with my kids, who are now 18 and 20. Instead of telling them what they should do, I ask them to tell me what they think.
When you get quiet and listen, they talk.
These are the exact skills I help my clients practice and strengthen.
As a result, they end up being able to communicate in ways that bring closeness and connection instead of distance and disconnection in their marriage.
Maybe reading this has confirmed that you are already aware of what you’re doing, but you don’t know how to change your DEFAULT RESPONSE.
And you’re certainly not alone if this is the case.
That’s exactly what I help women and couples with in my 1:1 private coaching.
Working with me will help you STOP reacting with blame, defensiveness and anger, listen with curiosity, let go of past resentments, and enjoy being married again.
With my supportive instruction, accountability, and feedback you will receive, YOU can learn to COMMUNICATE better and RECONNECT to your partner and listen to each other like good friends.
Send me a message and we can set up a time to chat and determine whether working with me is right for you.
This is a free 60 minute ‘get to know you’ call.
You can tell me what’s currently going on in your marriage, how you want it to be different and I’ll share with you how I can help you.
Link to book a call below.
https://chatwithdenise.as.me
11/01/2022
My clients, a married couple, were visibly upset when they came to session today.
Tears in their eyes sitting on opposite sides of the couch, leaning as far away from each other as possible.
Turns out, among other arguments they had this week, they had one just before the session.
😢They came to session, BOTH feeling hurt, frustrated and discouraged.
Like many clients, they had SLIPPED BACK INTO THE OLD PATTERN, of unhelpful behaviors that send their conversations off a cliff, fast.
Reacting quickly when triggered, lashing out in anger, blaming each other.
Ultimately, feeling like, “it will never work”.
It would be easy for me to ask “so tell me what’s up, what happened?”
✨But after COACHING MARRIED COUPLES FOR YEARS, I know that can invite a flood of anger, finger pointing and blaming, and escalating arguments just like they do at home.
Which is totally unproductive.
So instead I INVITE them to have a corrective experience in the session by talking with each other in a different way.
My role is to facilitate that experience.
But first I let them know that taking a few steps forward and a few steps back is all part of the process.
IT'S NORMAL.
It’s what happens to all of us when we are creating new habits.
We fumble, get it wrong. But then use that to figure out what to do differently next time.
➡️ The most important thing in these moments of “steps back” is to be aware of WHAT YOU MAKE IT MEAN.
Steps back can mean “oh s**t here we go again, this will never work”, despair, stop working on it.
OR
“Oh ok this is the part where we take a couple steps back as we’re learning new ways of being with each other.
This is simply AN OPPORTUNITY to figure out what didn’t work and what we can do better next time.”
To facilitate this corrective experience, first they evaluate what DIDN'T work.
What DID they each DO in that interaction that caused it to go so poorly?
Next they decide WHAT THEY COULD HAVE DONE or could do now that would make that interaction more positive, where they both feel heard and understood and remain calm and curious.
And then THEY PRACTICE it right there in the session.
💯The more they practice a new way of interacting with each other, they lay the foundation for a NEW PATTERN, A NEW PATH FORWARD, a new experience between them.
Changing your individual part in the pattern requires internal self reflection.
Most couples are practiced in knowing what their partner is doing wrong but not so much at seeing THEIR OWN CONTRIBUTION.
But don’t worry, this is VERY common.
👉🏼 Shifting your focus from your partner to yourself is all part of the process of pattern change that has to take place for couples to experience fewer reactive, negative cycles and more positive, calm, responsive interactions.
Many of the women and couples I work with have been stuck in these repeated negative cycles for years.
They have NOT been able to change them on their own.
Which again, is perfectly normal.
Relationships are challenging and most of us never learned the skills needed to have a successful lifelong partnership.
❤️When you learn these skills the negative cycles you’ve been experiencing BECOME A THING OF THE PAST.
You’ll look back and think, “wow, I can’t believe how much we’ve changed, I’ve changed”.
How do I know?
Because I WAS YOU.
That’s why I’m so passionate about teaching as many women and couples as possible HOW TO BREAK THESE CYCLES FOR GOOD.
Cuz I know how good life and marriage can be on the other side.
If you want to BE FREE of the negative cycles/patterns in your marriage for good I invite you to reach out.
And the great part is you don’t have to do this as a couple if your partner is not on board. YOU CAN DO THIS WORK INDIVIDUALLY, which is just as effective.
Send me a message and we can set up a time to chat.
☎️ This is a free 60 minute get to know you call.
You can tell me what’s currently going on in your marriage, how you want it to be different and I’ll share with you how I can help you. And determine if it’s a fit for us to work together.
Link to book a call in the comments.
08/03/2022
Do you feel like your marriage would be better if your partner changed?
One of the first questions I ask my clients is “how do you want your marriage to be different?”
When the problems are no longer a problem what will your marriage look like?
The answers?
He’ll be more …………
He’ll be doing …………….
I’ll be a priority to him…………..
This says nothing about the quality of the marriage.
A marriage that is loving and respectful, where we support each other, we do fun and adventurous things together, we make time for ourselves individually and as a couple.
Instead the primary focus is on who you want them to be.
This single focus on how your partner “needs” to be different, will never give you the marriage you want.
I know because that was exactly my thought process 10 years ago.
Believing the only way my marriage could get better is if my husband changed.
If he was more affectionate
More talkative
Less serious
10 years later I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my marriage and guess what
I didn’t need my husband to change.
How did I become happy then?
I focused on myself. I had to learn how to do this.
Figuring out how to make myself happy without needing something outside of me to change.
Doing the internal work is not easy work but making someone else responsible for your happiness is even harder, and never works.
And now I help other women learn how to be happy in their marriage without needing their husband to change.
Through a simple and effective process I call The RELATE Method,
Which helps women go from feeling like they are living in reaction to their husband all the time,
To feeling empowered, confident and in control of their emotional world.
The RELATE Method gives you the tools and skills to create happiness in your marriage and life.
Your happiness will no longer be dependent on how your husband is acting.
THIS IS THE PATH TO EMOTIONAL FREEDOM!
If you’d like to be happier in your marriage and you’re done waiting for your husband to change, I’d like to share this method with you.
Click the link below, tell me a little bit about your marriage and schedule a call.
https://chatwithdenise.as.me
.
I look forward to hearing from you.
06/23/2022
Can’t stop having that same old argument?
Mary was committed to her marriage, she loved her husband but they couldn’t stop fighting.
It was always about the same thing.
Who was doing more.
With 2 young kids and both working full time, it’s always a busy house.
But Mary felt like she was always doing more.
More kid stuff, more household chores, being the eyes and ears of the house, holding all the balls in the air.
It had gotten to a point where they would have at least one fight a week about Mary feeling like she has to do everything.
One morning she saw her husband leisurely drinking his coffee.
Mary lost her s**t. And shouts……
“Here I am rushing around the house like a crazy person, trying to get everything done for the kids, for myself, so we can all get out of the house on time and YOU’RE drinking coffee?”
How dare he.
Some days Mary would seethe with anger, saying nothing, no words.
But it was very clear by her abrupt movements and look on her face, she was pi**ed.
She would stomp around the house doing it all herself. Feeling even more furious.
Other times she lashed out at her husband letting him have it.
WTF are you drinking coffee when we have to get the kids out of the house in 30 minutes.
Must be nice to be you!
In the moment it felt good to release her anger.
But later she felt sad and disappointed that she let her anger get the best of her.
That is when she reached out to me.
She wanted to stop reacting so quickly and being so angry at her husband.
On the call we went through my Marriage Breakthrough Map process to help her see exactly what she needed to do to change this pattern
so she could feel good about the way she handled these challenging situations.
The Marriage Breakthrough Map helped Mary see that she was giving away her power in these situations.
She thought her husband had to change what he was doing first so she didn’t get so angry.
By walking through this process with Mary, she began to realize that she could change this pattern with or without her husband being a part of the change.
She felt excited, hopeful.
Like Mary, there’s nothing worse than having the same repeated fights that steal the joy from your marriage and not knowing how to change it.
Fortunately, Mary was able to learn how to completely change her marriage.
If you can relate to Mary’s story…I’d love to share with you the same Marriage Breakthrough Map.
I will show you the exact steps you can take to change the repeated patterns in your marriage.
Not be so angry at your husband and have more joy in your marriage.
Click the link below to schedule a time to talk.
https://chatwithdenise.as.me
P.S.
Here’s what Mary had to say….
“I am just so happy I had this time with Denise, I am not being dramatic when I say it has changed my life for the better.”
Denise Fitzpatrick, Marriage & Relationship Coach
Schedule your appointment online Denise Fitzpatrick, Marriage & Relationship Coach
06/17/2022
You walk into the house and notice that grumpy look on his face again as he sits in his home office.
Immediately you think to yourself, of course, he’s always in a mood.
You know the quiet, don’t bother me, I’m busy kind of look, that you can see written all over his face.
You walk past the office without saying hi. You figure he’d rather be left alone anyway.
Ten minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and says HI.
And all you can think is, why did it take him 10 minutes to notice that you were home?
And now he wants to be all sweet and nice.
You reply in a kind of cold standoffish way.
You don’t want him to think that what he did was OK.
But at the same time, you don’t know how to express that to him.
He makes small talk for a few minutes and then decides to take the dog for a walk.
Then I’m left thinking…
“He cares more about the dog than he does about me.”
“He could have asked if I wanted to go with him but NO, he never thinks about me. “
Do these types of interactions go on in your marriage?
You find yourself constantly annoyed and frustrated with your husband.
Everything he does seems to be the wrong thing.
The problem is always assuming negative intent doesn’t create a loving, happy marriage.
In fact, it creates the exact opposite.
How do I know?
Because this was my marriage years ago.
I used to have a predominately negative view of my husband.
I took everything he did or didn’t do as a personal affront.
Reminding myself daily of all the ways he was not being the husband I thought he should be.
And I told him so when I got really pi**ed off.
Which often came as a complete shock to him.
He said he just wanted me to be happy. I didn’t even believe that.
The truth was, deep down, I wanted to feel connected to my husband.
I wanted to feel important.
After years, I was finally done feeling this way.
It was exhausting.
But I didn’t know how to change it.
I had to find a way to feel better.
To not be in a constant state of emotional pain.
I gradually started to shift my perspective and see my husband as my teammate instead of my opponent.
Just by the way I was thinking about him.
And as I did this I DID begin to feel better.
I stopped putting his words and behaviors under a microscope.
I started to feel happier.
Our house felt less stressful and tense.
We started to enjoy each other again.
Sure, I still have negative thoughts about my husband sometimes, but it barely ever bothers me for more than a split second.
And it doesn't interfere with our marriage.
This is why I created the Marriage Breakthrough Map.
The Marriage Breakthrough Map is going to help you get clear on what’s working in your marriage and what’s not working in your marriage, so you can.....
Stop being reactive to your husband's mood.
Stop feeling like you have to always have your guard up.
Stop being cold and standoffish as a way to let him know you're upset.
So that you can feel deeply connected to your husband, feel important and enjoy being married again.
I’d love to share the Marriage Breakthrough Map with you and take you through the process.
Click the link in the comments to set up a time to go through the Marriage Breakthrough Map process so you have clarity on what needs to happen for you to have the loving-connected marriage you desire.
Looking forward to connecting with you.
06/23/2022
06/17/2022