Marina Triner

I overstayed in my marriage because that was the only relationship in which I was my real self: where I expressed my emotions and attempted to share my needs.

I thought I had the perfect fantasy life: the marriage, the house, the business. The truth was, I was constantly triggered and invalidating myself in my mind, walking on eggshells, unable to see that I couldn’t hold it all alone.

I had all these “deep” friendships in which I was never truly vulnerable. I never shared my feelings and needs because I was so terrified of rejection.

My relationships were so empty because I lived in a world centered around escaping abandonment. I wasn’t motivated by authentic connection. That was way too scary for me.

Revealing myself was terrifying. I risked my heart, I risked abandonment. But when I finally got divorced, I kind of felt like I had no choice.

I started to unravel, and the road back to myself included showing who I am to others, even if that meant being left.

Suddenly, people started showing up. People who truly loved me and accepted me for who I really am.

I got to a get together of my best friends and on the way, I passed my old house that I shared with my ex partner. I was sobbing and when I arrived, and I knew I had a choice: put myself together, slap a fake smile on my face, or reveal my heart. I chose the latter.

I texted them, “I’m in the car and I need a hug” and fell apart in their arms. That day I walked away a little less scared of abandonment and most importantly, feeling deeply held by life itself.

Let safe people know you and see you. You’re worthy of it. I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt lonely - because I chose to let people in now.

Your soul wants to live this life fully. To love fully. To reveal yourself to safe people. Don’t just exist. Fully live.

I was telling a client the other day:

We spend SO much time planning it all out, so we wouldn’t get it wrong. Thinking of every detail. Planning every move.

And in the end, that time is actually spent in our heads. Instead of doing what we feel like doing - that could end up terrible or amazing - and we don’t really know, we have no control over the outcome - we live in our minds.

We think that if we plan each thing perfectly, we won’t get hurt. We won’t be left. We won’t feel pain.

The biggest way to prevent suffering is to know that you can hold yourself through pain, not that you can eliminate pain itself.

Colette Fehr | Couples Therapist & Author normalizes that conflict feels uncomfortable for ALL of us but has actual powerful tools for how to shift it from something we avoid to something we grow closer from. Her teachings profoundly shifted my perspective and approach to conflict and I am so excited to share this conversation with you because of it! This woman is damn brilliant.

Comment DEEPWITHIN so we can send you the link to listen.

Literally one of the most powerful interviews I’ve ever had the privilege of being a part of. from he**in addict to PhD. What a brilliant human!!! Comment DeepWithin for the link to listen to the full podcast episode.

You know I love practical… so here is the practical and easy way to do this, somatically:

Notice each part of you in your body. What does it feel like? Color, shape, texture? Where in your body is it?

Now, as you connect to each part, ask it: how have you been trying to help me?

You’ll find that each part has been with you since childhood, and has served a pivotal role in your safety. This makes it so much easier to practice self acceptance, curiosity and compassion for all parts of ourselves.

Audio by Elizabeth Gilbert

Healing happens in relationships, just as trauma happens in relationships.

Relationships where love and authenticity meet. Where you can express many parts of you and be truly loved for who you are. Where you take the masks off and state your feelings, needs and desires.

These are relationships that I call “disconfirming experiences”. Because life is one grand experiment, and in these relationships, we experiment with being ourselves. We are safe enough to take risks and be vulnerable.

It isn’t easy, it’s often terrifying, and why we do somatic work in the first place is to get to a place where we can feel safe enough inside of ourselves to take those risky steps, because we know that we have enough self trust to show up for ourselves even if get rejected - so we can risk our vulnerability with others.

This is what true healing looks like.

When you learn somatics from a complex trauma survivor whose abandonment triggers used to completely rule her life, you learn it differently.

So many people teach breathwork and nervous system regulation in a non trauma-informed way.

What I teach is not only informed by over 10 years of coaching, trauma informed somatic certifications, and working with thousands of clients.

It’s informed by my own healing journey. By breathing in spaces where I would become even more dysregulated and learning how to do it differently. By learning somatic practices in a way that didn’t really honor my complex triggers, emotions, need and journey.

I’ve created Radiant to be a trauma informed healing, gentle guide for you.

Each day you’ll receive a new simple guided somatic practice, reflection or journaling prompt to help you build healing through small, consistent steps.

It’s only 10 minutes per day - and because it’s so simple, your nervous system can totally relax and actually shift into more grounding, regulation and calm.

Join Radiant by commenting “RADIANT” or going to the link in my bio. Today is the last day to join!