The Legacy House Counseling Center

09/23/2026

Some children do not simply dislike demands.

For them, everyday expectations can trigger a powerful need to avoid, resist or regain control — even when the activity is something they actually want to do.

This is often described as Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) or Persistent Drive for Autonomy and is most commonly discussed in relation to autism.

My new Bitesize Guide to PDA looks at:
• what PDA is — and what it is not
• the anxiety and threat response sitting underneath demand avoidance
• common signs and patterns
• why traditional “firmer” approaches can escalate distress
• reducing perceived demand without removing boundaries
• declarative language and collaborative approaches
• emotional regulation
• the impact on siblings and family life
• role play and other less obvious presentations
• a simple child profile page to help identify triggers, calming strategies and helpful language

Understanding the behaviour does not mean excusing everything. It means responding to the reason underneath it, while still helping children develop the skills they need.

09/23/2026

Inattentive ADHD can be easy to misunderstand at home.

A child may genuinely intend to get dressed, pack their bag, start homework or put something away — and still lose track somewhere between knowing what needs doing and actually doing it.

That is why support is often far more effective than another reminder to “try harder”.

Making tasks visible, reducing the load on working memory, helping with that difficult starting point, and noticing effort as well as the finished result can make everyday routines feel far more manageable.

The aim is not to do everything for the child. It is to build enough support around them that they can develop strategies, confidence and independence without unnecessary struggle.

Save this post so you can come back to it.

09/23/2026

09/23/2026

09/23/2026

DBTskills. Module: Interpersonal Effectiveness.
Skill: Boundary setting, saying no, asking for our needs to be met, being more efficient & effective.

Are you a recovering people pleaser ? People pleasers often start off as parent pleasers.

How ?
People pleasing can sometimes (not always) evolve as a way to maintain connection & closeness with parents who are inconsistently available to their children.

People-pleasing can be a learned behaviour, a biosocial issue, originating in childhood experiences & social conditioning.

For example, children who receive praise & positive reinforcement for being helpful & obedient may learn that pleasing others is desirable behaviour.

Additionally, individuals who grow up in dysfunctional families, where they may have had to be caregivers, peacekeepers or mediators, may develop a habit of prioritising others’ needs over their own.

People pleasing is often found in addiction or we often become more aware of it when we quit.

People pleasing isn't a diagnosis or pathology. It can be viewed as a pattern of relating/relational issue.

09/21/2026

DBT Skills : Module : Interpersonal Effectiveness. Skill : Boundary setting/getting our needs met.

Boundaries are a core concept in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) — though they may not always be referred to using this exact term .

For example : The idea of setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is deeply embedded in the Interpersonal Effectiveness module of DBT.

Interpersonal Effectiveness
This DBT module is directly focused on helping individuals:

Ask for what they need

Say no clearly and respectfully

Maintain self-respect in relationships.

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Key DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills related to boundaries:

DEAR MAN – a strategy for assertively expressing needs or setting limits.

GIVE – used to maintain relationships while communicating effectively.

FAST – helps preserve self-respect when interacting with others.

These skills all help establish, communicate, and defend boundaries in a way that is mindful, effective, and respectfully.

The image shows just some of many examples of boundary setting sentences.

09/21/2026

When a child experiences demands as a threat to autonomy, simply becoming firmer can increase the pressure rather than resolve the difficulty.

Supporting a child with a PDA profile does not mean removing every boundary or expectation. It means thinking carefully about how demands are communicated, reducing unnecessary pressure and helping the child feel safe enough to engage.

That might mean offering genuine choices, allowing more processing time, using collaborative language, building in flexibility or stepping back to co-regulate when anxiety is rising.

The aim is not to let the child “get their own way”.

It is to reduce the anxiety around demands so they have a better chance of managing them.

As always, support should be individualised. What helps one child may not help another.

Save this post if you are supporting a child with a PDA profile. See this morning's launch post for A Bitesize Guide to PDA.

09/15/2026

What’s making them itch, squirm and squint…

Getting ready in the morning for school or dashing off to an event may be causing contention (or even yelling) in your home.

A child who has sensory sensitivities may give you a harder time about being ready because their nervous system gets overloaded by a number of things that create a fear of going out.

Do any of these sensory challenges seem familiar?

👚Refuses to wear certain clothes, belts, zippers or pants tight around the waist
👗Won’t wear sleeves and pulls at shirt with itch tags
🕶Prefers to wear sunglasses inside buildings
👂🏻Cries and fights when having to use a public bathroom with flushing toilets and loud hand dryers

If you have a child or student who is overly sensitive to getting ready, this may be why.

Here’s where you may also find sensory challenges and some you may not realize are connected. Check it out here or in our profile.

🔗https://ilslearningcorner.com/sensory-processing-disorders-tantrums-tags-sounds-light-sensitivity/?
utm_source=Google%20Ads&utm_medium=Test2&utm_campaign=Test3

09/15/2026

Coaching With Brooke ❤️