Coach Jose - Respond, Don't React

I mean…😂

It’s easy to say we’re open to feedback when no one is actually giving us any.

Then someone tells us something difficult about ourselves and suddenly we’re like, “Well, no. Not THAT feedback.”

I get it. Hearing difficult things about ourselves is hard.

Especially when something about one moment, how we acted, something we said, how we came across, starts feeling like it says something bigger about who we are.

Of course we want to defend ourselves.

So this week wasn’t about learning to agree with people.

It was about practicing staying with the feedback a little longer before dismissing it.

Can I slow down?

Can I keep this about the moment instead of making it about my entire identity?

Can I actually consider what they’re saying before I decide what I think about it?

Being “open to feedback” sounds great.

Actually doing it takes practice. 😂

If you’re trying to get better at responding instead of immediately reacting, follow along. That’s what we practice around here.

Difficult feedback can get real personal, real fast. 😂

Someone tells us something about a moment—something we said, how we came across, something we did—and suddenly it can feel like they’re telling us something about who we are.

And once it becomes about our identity, of course we want to defend ourselves.

That’s really what we’ve been practicing this week: slowing that process down.

Can I let this be information about a moment before I make it a statement about who I am?

Can I stay grounded in what I know about myself long enough to actually consider what’s being said?

That doesn’t mean the feedback is right.

It means I don’t have to dismiss it just to protect myself.

If you’re trying to create a little more space between what happens and how you respond, follow along. That’s what we practice here.

Sometimes responding differently starts before the difficult moment.

Not with the perfect words.

Not with figuring out who’s right.

Just giving yourself enough support to stay present when something uncomfortable comes your way.

That’s a lot of what we practice here: noticing the places where we usually react automatically and creating a little more room to choose what happens next.

If you want more range in how you respond to yourself, other people, and the uncomfortable moments in between, follow along.

That’s what we’re practicing here.

One of the things I’m trying to get better at isn’t communicating.

It’s staying grounded while someone is communicating something difficult to me.

Those are two different skills.

Most of us don’t struggle because we don’t know how to listen.

We struggle because the moment feedback feels like a judgment about who we are, our nervous system wants to defend us.

That’s why I like giving my mind and body two different jobs:

One to remember my worth.

One to stay open long enough to understand what’s being said.

If you’re trying to respond to life instead of react, follow along. Every week we practice small shifts like this that help you stay with yourself a little longer before deciding what to do.

I’ve spent a lot of my life deciding too quickly that difficult feedback couldn’t possibly be true.

Not because I wanted to avoid growing.

Because defending myself felt safer than getting curious.

I’m practicing something different now.

Before I explain...

Before I defend...

Before I decide they’re wrong...

I ask myself:

“Is there even 5% of this worth considering?”

Sometimes the answer is no.

Sometimes it’s enough to help me see something I couldn’t see on my own.

If you’re trying to respond to life instead of react, follow along. That’s what we practice here.

Sometimes we protect ourselves so quickly that we never find out if there was something worth learning.

That doesn’t mean every difficult thing someone says about you is true.

It also doesn’t mean every difficult thing they say should be ignored.

The practice is learning to stay with the discomfort long enough to become curious before deciding.

That’s a skill.

And it changes conversations, relationships, and the way you see yourself.

If you’re trying to stop reacting on autopilot and respond with more clarity instead, follow along. That’s what we practice here.

One thing these last two weeks reminded me of…

Disappointment isn’t just something to get through.

It’s information.

Sometimes it tells us we expected too much.

Sometimes it tells us something important mattered.

The hard part is that many of us decide what to do with it before we ever take the time to notice it.

That’s what I’m interested in practicing.

Not reacting faster.

Not avoiding harder.

Just staying with myself long enough to respond a little more accurately.

If you’re trying to respond to life instead of react, stick around. Every week we practice one small shift that helps us do exactly that.

Disappointment isn’t the problem.

What we do with it is.

Some of us hand it to other people before we’ve even felt it.

Some of us carry all of it ourselves and pretend we’re fine.

I’ve done both.

I’m finding that the practice is staying with the disappointment long enough to decide what it actually needs.

If that’s something you’re working on too, stick around. That’s what we practice here.

I used to think growth looked like having the right words.

Lately, I think it looks more like giving myself five extra seconds.

Five seconds to notice what I’m actually feeling.

Five seconds to decide if “It’s okay” is really true.

Those tiny moments have changed my relationships more than any perfect script ever has.

If you’re trying to respond to life instead of react, follow along. Every week we practice what that looks like in real life.