Brian G. Murphy

If your relationship is rock-solid, it’s understandable that you might think of openness that you added on top of it (or are thinking of trying out) that might upset the balance.

If everything is going well, “why did we do this?” might be a question you’re asking yourself.

BUT if you opened up, or are thinking about opening up, you probably have some good reasons, even if you can’t quite name them.

And I think you’re on to something.

Because for me and my clients, openness is something that takes an “OMG this is the best relationship I’ve ever had” relationship and then somehow adds even more magic to it.

More connection.
More intimacy.
More commitment.

You might be worried openness is a threat to your relationship, but I’m here to tell you it’s an enhancement.

Relationshift will give you the guidance, support, tools, and structure to make sure your relationship is rock solid and brings you even closer together.

Doors close today. Comment or DM “shift” to take the next step (or find the link in bio)

Heartstopper coming through life lessons on love, romance, and relationships

I’ve known I was gay for longer than gay marriage but that never stopped me from trusting that I could have a family one day. And now, even though open and polyamorous relationships don’t have the same protections as monogamous ones, I’m channeling the chutzpah of my teenage self to trust that love and family are what you make of it.

Want to hear more about my open relationship story? Comment “POD” and I’ll send you the link!

We get to have romance-novel love stories too 💙

Here’s to your happily ever after!

Can anyone else relate?

Comment “POD” to listen to the full episode of my 15-year open relationship 💙

Has this happened to you? If so, you’re not alone!

Whether you want to protect and advocate for yourself,
or get in touch with a stronger sense of self,
or create room for more sparks…

… boundaries are an important tool to have in your relationship.

Comment “POD” and I’ll send you a link to the podcast that breaks down the why and the how of setting better boundaries.

Skip this at your own peril.

When uncomfy feelings come up in your relationship, start here:

Begin with what is true for you...
.. Not what you think he meant or the reason he did it (even if you are SO CERTAIN. I know, it’s tempting)

Seek to be understood, not to convince...
.. being understood is a core human need. When you’re swirling in the midst of discomfort, it’s easy to jump to problem-solving or convincing someone to change. Being really, truly, fully understood will feel even better...
.. AND it makes any future changes that need to happen easier. When your loved ones understand you, they want to help you out.

Once you’re fully seen and understood, THEN you can start to look for ways to begin to address and resolve those uncomfortable feelings.

Here, you’ll need to suss out when “stop doing whatever it was you were doing” is the appropriate path forward vs when you all can collaborate to find ways to soothe, move through, and prevent those feelings in a way that *doesn’t* require the other person to change themselves.

Knowing which is right for the situation can be tricky. If you feel stuck here, reach out by DM or email!

This is where emotions can get heightened and scarcity can come in.

“I have to protect myself”

“My way or the highway!”

“I can’t imagine ever feeling differently about XYZ so we just have to end the discussion for forever!”

When emotions flair, return to your anchor.

If you want better communication skills for stress-free relationships.
Or there’s a particular challenge you keep bumping up against that just feels HARD.

Comment “POD” and I’ll send you a link to the full episode. It’s one-part pep talk, one-part actionable insights.

don’t skip this step when conflict pops up in your relationship!

all relationships are going to have some amount of conflict, tension, or disagreement at some times. that’s normal, natural, and even healthy. You are two (or more) unique humans smooshing your lives together. It makes sense you are not in 100% alignment 100% of the time.

However, if you care deeply about your partner, when conflict does come up, you might be tempted to rush through the process and skip the important step of sitting in the discomfort together and then really truly understanding each other.

Don’t skip to fixing!
(even though that’s totally understandable!)

If you move to quickly to problem-solving mode (or defense-building or blame-shifting modes) you end up making the reconcilliation process harder, longer, and sometimes incomplete.

You and your partner care so much about each other—that’s why you’re together!
That means what you think of your partner and what they think of you matters a whole lot.
They want to be heard.
And understood.
Seen in their fulness.
To know that you don’t think they’re irrational, out of touch, or too much.

You don’t have to “agree” with their assessment of what happened or what the solution is, but can you understand, really understand, where they’re at?

THAT is the most important step of them all.

If you could use some help in understanding each other better, Relationshift coaching will teach you the skills, give you room to practice, and support you in growing closer together again. All with expert guidance along the way. DM “coaching” or check out the link the profile to get started.

and we didn’t even cover swapping pics in DMs! 😮😈

Where’s the line for you?

open relationship = stronger relationship?