09/29/2024
::: The difference that made the difference [part 8]
Last time I shared how I experienced such a profound transformation, I felt compelled to dedicate my life to sharing it with as many guys as possible…
But I had a question I needed to answer first, before I could coach others:
::: What changed? :::
How did I go from zero results for 3+ years…
…to a harem of 5 model girlfriends in 3 short months?
It was none of the things guys assume women want:
❌ I didn’t suddenly gain more ‘status’
❌ I had no more money (in fact I was thousands of dollars poorer)
❌ I didn’t get more ripped
❌ I didn’t learn any more PUA techniques (in fact I stopped using all of them)
❌ I didn’t have a new flashy car….
Funny story about that:
One evening I was lying in bed with one of my girlfriends…
We were listening to music on her phone and she went out of the room for a bit…
A whatsapp notification popped up and, semi-accidentally (but also due to my own curiosity getting the better of me) I clicked it…
I saw a series of exchanges where she basically gave 1-2 word answers…
And this guy was constantly texting her:
He was the most ripped guy I’d ever seen outside of an issue of Men’s Health, probably 8% bodyfat (I know because he was sending her shirtless selfies)...
The most recent text was him posing in front of his 250k lambo…
And offering to take her out and buy her whatever she wanted…
And here she was, in bed with me - a guy with no car at all, making $30k a year!
So if none of those things changed…
What did?
The answer: I uninstalled this thing I call the “Mind Virus”
TF is that you ask?
Well, to answer that I have to tell you a quick story…
Ever taken a kid to a playground?
(Hopefully your kid or a neice or nephew!)
Notice how they just go straight up to other kids their own age and play?
They don’t have ‘social anxiety’ at all!
They just do what they authentically feel would be the most fun in the present moment…
That’s because they don’t have the Mind Virus installed yet…
But then, the forces of socialisation, education and parenting take over:
Suddenly they keep getting punished for doing what they feel like, and told:
❌ You can’t just do whatever you want
❌ You can’t say that to someone it’s rude
❌ You must respect other people’s feelings, think before you speak
❌ Sit down, shut up, do what you’re told
❌ Don’t express anger, frustration or sadness
…and pretty soon the Mind Virus comes around:
It says: “I’m here to keep you safe”
Safe from punishment and disapproval…
To keep you safe, the Mind Virus proposes two things:
(1) It’ll filter external reality to help you focus on any data that lets you know whether you’re being disapproved of, or receiving external validation:
This is exemplified in ‘the Dinner Party Effect’, where you can’t be consciously aware of 5+ conversations simultaneously, until your name is said…
At which point you can immediately locate the speaker, to see what their expression is…
(2) It’ll act to suppress your authentic desires if they MIGHT cause you to be disapproved of or judged negatively…
Why this obsession with disapproval?
Because we come pre-programmed from 100,000s of years evolving in nomadic tribes:
To break a social rule like “no hoarding food” could risk the survival of the entire tribe…
And the punishment for being judged negatively by your tribe was ostracism, which would usually mean death, or at least never procreating
So our psyche comes pre-installed with the core belief:
Being judged negatively = DEATH
Which is why the feeling of ‘approach’ anxiety triggers the same exact sympathetic nervous system response as the threat of mortal danger!
Most people live their entire lives as victims of the Mind Virus:
Hyper aware and overly sensitive to the slightest criticism, perceived slight or rejection from others…
Constantly suppressing their authentic selves in case they say the wrong thing…
Until the vast majority of their actions are nothing to do with what would make them fulfilled, happy or successful…
And solely about making other people happy, or at least not rocking the boat and staying ‘safe’…
(I’ve lost count of how many times a student tells me he hates his job, but only does it because it would make his parents happy!)
And that had been me:
Getting straight As, doing what I was told, saying the polite respectful thing… being trotted out by my parents, sweaty and terrified of making a mistake, to play classical piano to their friends from age 6…
Years of PUA material hadn’t helped at all, because none of it addressed this underlying root of my anxiety:
In fact, it made it worse…
It made me even more in my head:
❌ Worried about ‘losing value’ by not doing the right techniques…
❌ Worried about if I was getting an indicator of interest from her or if she was being police…
❌ Worried about misremembering my material and there being an awkward silence…
..And still just as terrified of a rejection that I’d stay in the safe comfort of conversation, and never risk making a move to take things to the next level…
Why I’d been able to get such fast results was simple:
My ‘Yoda’ had taken me through experiences that proved that the outdated Mind Virus’ model of reality was no longer true:
By going through potentially awkward situations where people could judge me negatively…
I rewired my brain to understand that I wouldn’t die…
And uninstalled the Mind Virus, forever, in a matter of hours…
Unleashing my innate ability to express my authentic self fearlessly to attractive women wherever I go…
No longer held back by any concern about what they might think!
And that’s what inspired me to continue the work, developing my iCPB system over the past 13 years to help 1,000s of guys around the world uninstall approach anxiety and fear of rejection, and attract the women they desire and deserve.
If any of this series resonated with you…
Maybe it’s time to stop listening to self-proclaimed dating / redpill / men’s coaches...
..who regurgitate the same “get money / status / lambos / muscles / be more alpha” BS that not only doesn’t work... but makes you feel worse about yourself…
And talk to someone who deeply understands the psychology behind removing anxiety, and getting results with women ;)
Or not, it’s your life after all ;)
09/27/2024
Part 7: how I found my purpose...
Last time I told you how I experienced a completely transformational, 180 degree shift in my results with women:
I started off in my head, burdened with a lifetime of social anxiety, overthinking and self-doubt…
Only made worse by 3 years of failure learning all the dating material I could, feeling like I was beyond hope…
…like something was wrong with me: just too ugly, awkward or nerdy to ever attract a beautiful girlfriend…
Then somehow, in the space of mere hours, I was walking up to stunning models and saying whatever I felt like, without hesitation or the slightest concern about being rejected…
To the point where I built a harem of 5 model-gorgeous girlfriends just a few months later!
I was so lit up with passion, confidence and drive - I felt like I’d found my purpose in life:
I went back to my Yoda and said, “I want as many guys as possible to know that this kind of transformation is possible for them too! How can I help?”
And we ended up coming to an agreement where I’d use my marketing skills to help get more leads…
…eventually leading to me building all the sales funnels, taking the calls, creating the online products, eventually fulfilling on the coaching programs, so he could focus on creating YouTube content…
After a life spent wanting to make a difference in some way but never knowing how, I’d finally found an answer:
By helping guys release their fears, I enable them to become more sovereign and self-actualised…
They go out and express their authentic selves fearlessly - creating loving relationships, standing up for themselves and setting firmer boundaries at work and with family, confidently earning more…
…and that creates a ripple effect that raises the consciousness of humanity…
The burning question I had to figure out though, if I was going to be able to teach this stuff and get other guys the same kind of results I got:
What was the shift I went through that enabled me to release an entire lifetime of social anxiety so quickly?
How could it have been so easy and fast for me, after years of it feeling impossible?
>>> The answer will be in part 8 - want it? 👇🏻
09/17/2024
How come so many good guys fail with women, despite being in shape and financially successful?
08/27/2024
The average men’s coach is targeting the AVERAGE guy in his 20s (low-level job, broke, living in his mom’s basement, drinks and smokes w**d, addicted to OF & p**hub)...
So of course their solution: “increase your status, hit the gym, make more money, get a lambo, make it rain in the club and fake a baller lifestyle on instagram!” appeals to that audience…
But if you’ve:
❌ Already achieved financial success…
❌ Aren’t in your early 20s anymore…
❌ Find drinking in a loud nightclub til 2am about as enjoyable as a root canal
…but still haven’t cracked how to translate your success to your dating life...
Then maybe it’s time to stop listening to anyone who tells you to pretend to be some alpha bro douchebag…
And find a coach who specialises in helping ABOVE-average guys like you attract women by being MORE of their authentic self?
08/23/2024
/// I catfished men online ///
At age 26, an outsider looking at my life would’ve assumed I was crushing it:
Ivy league educated, good job, duplex penthouse in central London, 6 pack abs year-round from religious daily workouts, dressed well, above average height…
But, despite seemingly having everything going for me and checking off all the boxes women say they want (at least on paper)...
I felt more lonely, miserable and frustrated with my dating life than ever:
I’d swipe endlessly for hours a day, weeks at a time, only to get maybe 2 or 3 matches…
1 would be an actually hot girl whose profile was just her instagram, and I learned pretty fast that there was no point in messaging her…
Just made me go “Well duh, no girl who looks like THAT would be interested in you!”
The other decently attractive girl would immediately unmatch…
Leaving with me one very average-looking girl to message with… which would often lead nowhere or disappear as soon as I suggested actually meeting up!
So, even after months of swiping as well as forcing myself to go out to bars and clubs I hated being in…
I’d end up maybe scraping a date every 3-6 months at best…
She’d, of course turn up late, looking way fatter than her photos, and be engrossed on her phone most of the evening…
The best outcome would be an awkward side-hug or a peck on the cheek if I was lucky…
Followed by either complete ghosting, or a “let’s just be friends” text the next day because she “didn’t feel any chemistry”...
“If this is how much time and effort it takes to fail with a 6,” I thought…
“Then what the hell chance do I have landing a 10?”
It made me feel like I’d never be good enough, handsome enough, confident enough, to ever get a girl I truly desired…
After all, if I were enough, they’d be attracted to me, right?
So I did something crazy:
I found some photos of a hot girl online, and made a dating profile of her…
I told myself I was doing it to research what openers guys were using so I could improve my online game…
But honestly, it was mostly a way for me to experience a short glimpse of what it’s like to be desired and wanted by others…
(Even if it was being wanted by dudes because they thought I was a hot girl!)
What happened next ensured I not only deleted that profile, but never needed any online dating profile ever again…
LMK if you want pt 2 👇🏻
08/21/2024
Every men’s influencer is telling you the secret to dating the women you want is more money, status and muscles…
What they’re NOT telling you is:
That’s a tactic to sell broke 20 year olds into their “Make money online” course…
They promise these impressionable, disillusioned guys:
If you just get enough external trappings of power and wealth, you’ll magically attract hordes of gorgeous women…
Better yet, the fastest path to attain all this wealth just happens to be…
..Promoting that very same influencers course as an affiliate!
What are the odds!?
Now, as any intelligent man who’s created financially success understands…
Having some commas in your bank account doesn’t automatically mean model-quality 9s and 10s just approach you!
(If only it were that easy)
Even if every area of your life is solid, being a man means we still have to build the skill of approaching women too…
I know, because by my late 20s I was everything women say they want on paper:
Ivy-league educated, good job, luxury apartment in central London, went to the gym daily and maintained a 6-pack year round, 6 ft 2, dressed well…
And yet my dating life apparently hadn’t got the memo that I was the high-status baller that all women want!
Even after swiping endlessly on dating apps, I’d usually get zero matches and feel even worse about myself, like I’m just too ugly to get a hot girl…
I spent 3 years forcing myself to pretend to have fun and be high energy in loud nightclubs trying pick up artist material...
..only to scrape a couple of awkward, drunk one night stands with average girls I was too embarrassed to let my friends see…
Which is why my client Matt really reminded me of me when we first spoke:
He was earning mid 6 figures as an engineer, in great shape, good looking, 6 ft 3 and dressed well…
Yet, by age 33 he was unhappily single, and had only managed a couple of unfulfilling relationships with average girls he knew deep down he was settling for…
Clearly, his lack of dating results was nothing to do with him lacking anything financially or physically…
So, what was it?
Well, he’d spent his whole life passively settling for the occasional girl who made it very obvious she liked him...
(An issue I never had, lucky him!)
This meant he’d never had any motivation to develop the skill of approaching at all…
But, as a guy who wasn’t into drinking or bars…
And never got many decent matches online…
Once he left University, he felt like he had no control over his dating life:
He was just waiting around for a chance encounter…
And those occasional girls that practically threw themselves at him?
Were never the super hot 9s and 10s he actually fantasised about.
The solution was simple:
I showed him 'Inside-Out' Game
The same process I developed over the past 13 years that allowed me to go from complete scarcity, to dating 5 model-quality women at the same time…
So he now had the ability to go for the women he truly desired…
In any everyday situation he might see her:
- At the gym…
- Shopping with her friends at the mall…
- Getting a coffee…
And grab her number in 5 minutes of low-energy, effortless and fun conversation.
Fast forward a few short months after working with me, and he was dating 3 beautiful women openly and ethically while earning more than he ever had before…
So, if you’re anything like me or Matt - an intelligent high-achiever who’s created financial success, but hasn’t quite cracked how to translate that to your romantic life specifically…
Maybe it’s time to stop listening to self-proclaimed men’s gurus whose business model is making broke 20 year olds feel sh*tty about themselves…
And learn a way to meet & connect with the women you want as you go about your everyday life (which probably doesn’t involve bottle service in the VIP of the club til 2am!)
Your confidence, self-esteem (and liver) will thank you ;)
08/02/2024
Did you know there’s only ONE thing that accurately predicts your long-term happiness?
It’s NOT:
❌ your income…
❌ anything to do with career success or accolades…
❌ your intelligence (or lack thereof!)
❌ how physically attractive or in shape you are…
❌ or even how much charity work you do…
In 2015, Robert Waldinger revealed the answer at a TED talk that’s gone on to receive over 47 million views:
He shared that his Harvard Study of Adult Development concluded the single best predictor of long-term happiness is:
>>> The quality of your RELATIONSHIPS
"Good relationships keep us happier and healthier." – Robert Waldinger
What I’ve found over 13+ years coaching guys to form intimate relationships is:
The same principles apply to creating and strengthening any kind of relationship, including:
Friendships, prospects, clients, investors, bosses, employees and everything in between…
Business itself, and the art of making more money, negotiating and leading is all simply the act of building, maintaining and strengthening relationships at scale, from a place of adding value and creating win-wins...
So I decided to a special Infinite Man Mastermind event in London this 16-18th August focussing on relationships:
Here’s who it’s for:
✅ You’re a smart, successful, employed technical professional or business owner who’s built a high-value skillset… but see way less qualified or intelligent guys get further ahead, seemingly from just being able to talk bu****it better than you!
✅ You’re always naturally been intellectual, introverted, and prefer interesting conversations with a small group of close friends vs. small-talk or partying in a nightclub…
✅ Your ideal lifestyle is filled with abundance, choice, location & financial freedom, attractive women, and high-level friends… but don’t want to pretend to be some ‘high-status alpha’ Dan Bilzerian wannabe on instagram in order to get there…
✅ You want “it all”: a loving relationship, fulfilling friendships, financial freedom, location independence and a healthy, strong, fit body… but finding that work-life balance has always felt like trying to spin 5 plates at once!
✅ You know you have the ability to earn millions, but you refuse to sacrifice, compromise or ‘grind & hustle’ for years in the hopes of things getting better someday…
***The Mastermind is actually 100% free if you are a private coaching client of mine, or part of one of my group coaching programs. If you would like info on either of those, let me know.
Interested?
Drop a gif or DM me on here and let me know if you can make it (or not) as there's only 5 places left ;)
07/20/2024
Guys: What's the most common situation you see a girl, but not sure how to start the conversation?
08/21/2024
07/19/2024
05/13/2024