Upstander Kids Anti-Bullying Camp

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These Habits Can Turn Kids Into Bullies. Experts Say Parents 'Accidentally' Do These Them All The Time. “This is hard because sometimes parents do these things accidentally because they're tired or they're exhausted."

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"If it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to raise a ra**st," anti-sexist educator Jackson Katz says. "Perpetrators aren't individual monsters; they are people reflecting a system. We need to address that system." Katz has spent 40 years challenging a fundamental assumption: that violence against women is a women's issue that some good men help out with. He rejects that frame entirely, arguing instead that these are men's issues first and foremost.

The excuses we make -- the "boys will be boys" mentality -- actually carry "the profoundly anti-male implication that we should expect bad behavior from boys and men," he argues. "The assumption is that they are somehow not capable of acting appropriately, or treating girls and women with respect." For Katz, only through boys and men holding themselves accountable can violence against women truly end -- and that work has become more urgent than ever.

Katz believes we are living through a critical inflection point: "We're witnessing a global backlash against women's progress, since the past 50 years have seen unbelievable challenges to patriarchal norms."

"Trumpism and rightwing populism isn't a revolt against the 'elites'; it's a reaction to men being de-centered and a backlash against feminism," Katz asserts. "Trump has been marketing himself with the men's movement and it's fueled the manosphere from being an abusive men's rights subculture to becoming the mainstream." The re-election of Trump -- found liable for sexual abuse and ordered to pay millions in damages -- has had what Katz calls "a normalizing effect" on abusive behavior, unleashing "a firehose of misogyny."

Yet Katz insists that "lots of men are uncomfortable about their peers' behavior, but are scared of speaking out because of losing social status or facing retribution." His solution, developed through his Mentors in Violence Prevention program across universities, schools, and the military, is to reframe speaking up as aspirational -- making "the guy who speaks up" a strong man, a good friend, a leader. He wants men to ask different questions: not "what was she wearing?" or "why didn't she leave?" but fundamental questions about perpetrators and systems.

"In terms of preventing violence, we have to ask a different set of questions... like why does John beat Mary, why is domestic violence still a big problem in the United States and all over the world?" Once we're thinking this way, "then we can ask about how can we do something differently, how can we change the practices, how can we change the socialization of boys and the definitions of manhood that lead to these current outcomes."

His call to action is both simple and challenging: "It's our moral, ethical and human duty to help women in this struggle together." Against the rising tide of the manosphere and misogyny, Katz argues that "we on the other side need a bigger microphone to get into the conversation -- we each need to stand up and say 'not in my name.'"

He wants men to create "a peer culture where the abusive behavior will be unacceptable not because it's illegal, but because it's wrong and unacceptable." Katz asserts that “there’s been an awful lot of silence in male culture about this ongoing tragedy... we need to break that silence, and we need more men to do that.”

To that end, Katz believes that it's critical to be a positive role model for young people and to provide a platform for their voices. “We can’t tell boys that bullying is bad and then equally reward bullies like Trump in power," Katz asserts. “We owe it to the next generation of boys and girls, who haven’t chosen to be born into this patriarchal society,” he says. “Challenge your peer groups, educate each other and make sure your voice is louder than those spreading abusive norms. It takes courage, but it will only cause more tragedy if we don’t show it.”

Jackson Katz is the author of a new book "Every Man: Why Violence Against Women Is a Men's Issue, and How You Can Make a Difference" at https://bookshop.org/a/8011/9798765157138 (Bookshop) and https://amzn.to/4n7PCp5 (Amazon)

You can watch Katz's TED talk "Violence against women — it's a men's issue," at http://bit.ly/Xq6fzu

Raising kids to have empathy for others and an understanding of consent is one of the most important things parents can do to help reduce the incidence of sexual assault. To teach children -- girls and boys alike -- about the need to respect others and their personal boundaries, we recommend "Let's Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent, and Respect" for ages 4 to 7 (https://www.amightygirl.com/body-boundaries) and "Consent (for Kids!)" for ages 6 to 10 (https://www.amightygirl.com/consent-for-kids)

There is also a helpful guide for teens on topics such as consent and coercion, "Real Talk About S*x and Consent: What Every Teen Needs to Know," for ages 13 and up at https://www.amightygirl.com/real-talk-about-sex-and-consent

To discuss topics such as sexual harassment, respect, and consent with tweens -- both girls and boys alike -- we recommend the insightful novel "Maybe He Just Likes You" for ages 10 and up at https://www.amightygirl.com/maybe-he-just-likes-you

For an exceptional book for older teens and adults about the early warning signs of abusive relationships, myths about abusive personalities, and how to get help, we highly recommend "Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" at https://www.amightygirl.com/why-does-he-do-that

If you know a teen girl struggling after sexual abuse or trauma, “The S*xual Trauma Workbook for Teen Girls: A Guide to Recovery from S*xual Assault and Abuse” may help at https://www.amightygirl.com/sexual-trauma-workbook-girls

For several fictional stories that address r**e and sexual violence and offer a helpful way to spark conversations with young adult readers around sexual assault, we recommend "Speak" for ages 14 and up (https://www.amightygirl.com/speak), "Girl Made of Stars" for ages 14 and up (https://www.amightygirl.com/girl-made-of-stars), and "The Way I Used To Be" for ages 15 and up (https://www.amightygirl.com/the-way-i-used-to-be)

L'eca di piccole gentilezze “The Echo of Small Kindnesses.”

Never leave a room without leaving behind a smile. Perfect.

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Absolutely LOVE this story based on true events in 2007: Clowns used humor and non-violent tactics to counter a K*K rally in Knoxville, Tennessee demonstrating how to face hatred with creativity. We’ll be adding “White Four” by David Lamotte to the reading list at .bullying.camp

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For more, check out “White Flour” by @davidlamotte #nonviolence #exvangelical #thirdway

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Parent Lab is 50% off through tomorrow for Father’s Day. Just comment “Parent Lab” on this video and I’ll shoot you the info.