Brianne Davis

ARE YOU IN THE LAVA TRAP?
In SLAA, LAVA stands for:
L — Love
A — Attention
V — Validation
A — Acceptance
And sometimes what feels like “I miss them so much” isn’t actually about the person.
It’s about what you believe you’ll finally get from them.
❤️ Their love.
👀 Their attention.
✨ Their validation.
🤍 Their acceptance.
This is where the LAVA TRAP can feed the Fantasy Loop.
You start thinking:
“If they text me, I’ll feel better.”
“If they choose me, I’ll finally feel worthy.”
“If they come back, I’ll know I mattered.”
“If they validate what happened between us, I can let go.”
And suddenly, you’re not just attached to a person.
You’re attached to the emotional payoff you believe that person can give you.
That’s the trap.
Because when your nervous system starts treating another person as the source of your love, attention, validation, or acceptance, you can become obsessed with getting the next hit.
The text.
The call.
The breadcrumb.
The apology.
The Instagram view.
The “I miss you.”
The reassurance.
And when you don’t get it?
The Fantasy Loop gets louder.
The goal isn’t to shame yourself for wanting love.
The goal is to ask:
“What am I actually trying to get from this person—and why have I made them responsible for giving it to me?”
Because sometimes the person you’re chasing isn’t the addiction.
The LAVA TRAP is.
Healing ToxicRelationships Limerence EmotionalAddiction

New on the Substack: The Lava Trap 🌋

Read it → thebriannedavis.substack.com
Take the Fantasy Loop™ Quiz → quiz.thefantasyloop.com

"I don't even want them back. I just want them to want me."

If you've ever said that — this week's article is for you.

It's about the lava trap. LAVA = Love, Attention, Validation,
Acceptance. All normal human needs. The trap is believing only
ONE person gets to decide whether you receive them.

Here's the reframe: you're not chasing them. You're chasing
what you believe they'll make you feel.

The article breaks down:
— The 4 parts of LAVA and how each one traps you
— The 7 signs you're in the lava trap
— Why breadcrumbs hit like a slot machine
— The 7 questions that separate the need from the person

You don't have to stop needing people. The goal is just not
needing THIS person to decide whether you get it.

You are not broken. Your worth was never determined by their choice.

🔗 Read it: thebriannedavis.substack.com

Quote of the Day:

Delete the contact.
Delete the texts.
Delete the DMs, the voicemails, the pictures.

You can’t heal in a place that keeps reopening the wound. You can’t move forward while clinging to the pages they left unfinished.

Let go.
Move on.
Come home to yourself.

Love the version of you who kept chasing them - they just wanted to feel safe. Be grateful for the lesson, even if it broke you.

Not everything you lose is a loss.
And not everything that hurt you was meant to stay.
The fantasy was never real. But your pain was.
And now - so is your power.

Learn more about The Fantasy Loop™ → thefantasyloop.com