Clara for Daters

At 32, I wondered if marriage and motherhood would ever happen for me.

Today, I’m 6 months married and pregnant with our son. 💙

I’m back.

I got quiet for a little while because when the blessings you’ve prayed for come all at once after years of waiting, it can feel overwhelming in the best way.

After being betrayed at 32, I spent five years single and two years dating intentionally.

And two months before I met James, I finally admitted something to myself:

I felt my window shrinking.

And that fear was making me give more time to connections I already knew weren’t right.

So I surrendered the timeline to God.

Not the desire for marriage.
Not the desire to become a mother.

The timeline.

For me, surrender looked like releasing the wrong connections earlier…even when loneliness was loud and my age made every ending feel riskier.

I filled that space with God, church, fellowship and a life that wasn’t waiting for a man to begin.

Then came Date #99.

James.

And instead of trying to make him fit the future I wanted, I could see him for who he was.

Peace. Consistency. Alignment.

This season is part of why I built Clara, to help women date intentionally enough to recognize what’s actually in front of them.

So if you’re dating in your 30s and your timeline is getting louder:

Feeling like you’re running out of time is not a reason to force the wrong relationship.

Surrender wasn’t me giving up on what I wanted.

It was making room for what I’d been praying for. 🤍

If you are dating for marriage and he is still “seeing where it goes” at six weeks, you need to look in the mirror.

By week 6, the problem is no longer just his ambiguity.

It is what you are doing with it.

You are already treating him like a real potential.
Already imagining him in your future.
Already trying to let your family see what this could be.

Meanwhile, he is still “seeing where it goes.”

That is not patience.
That is not grace.

It is you trying to create clarity out of a man who is still choosing vagueness.

You are not giving him time.
You are betraying yourself.

Follow Clara for Daters for discerning, intentional dating content.

“Maybe I am asking too much” is how women talk themselves into staying in the wrong relationship.

I know because I did it too.

I dated a man I had fun with.
But after 4 dates, it finally came out in Clara:

I was uncomfortable with his work history.
I was uncomfortable with his living situation.

And instead of letting that discomfort tell me the truth, I softened it.

I called it grace.
I called it patience.
I called it maybe I am asking too much.

But once I wrote it down, I had to admit what was really going on:

his life was unstable
and he was not actively improving it.

That was the trap.

I was not asking too much.
I was asking a man with no conviction for a future he was not building.

Then I met James.

On our first date, he told me he wanted to fully provide for his family so his wife could be with the children.

And his life already reflected it.

He went from Navy medic
to medical school
to ER doctor.

That is why I feel so strongly about this now.

You are not asking too much.
You are finally admitting you are uncomfortable.

Download the Clara for Daters app and start reflecting honestly on your dating life. Link in bio.

By date 3, if he cannot commit to seeing you once a week, you should be releasing him.

That wisdom did not come from me being dramatic during my intentional dating journey.
That was me being 36 and dating with a real timeline.

If marriage and family are the desire on your heart, consistency is not a bonus. It is part of discernment.

You cannot build real momentum with a man who is still vague about when he is seeing you next.

And if he already knows his life is about to move in a direction where he cannot see you weekly for the next 3 to 6 months, you need to stop calling that potential.

Call it what it is:
too expensive.

My husband did not date me vaguely.

He moved with intention.
We were engaged 3 months after meeting. Married 5 months after that.

That is why I feel so strongly about this.

If a man cannot commit to seeing you once a week for the next 3 months, how is he going to seriously discern whether he wants to propose in 3 to 6?

Intentional dating is not about dragging things out to feel “balanced.”

It is about releasing misalignment sooner so you stay free for what is actually meant for you.

Follow me at Clara for Daters for hopeful, intentional dating content from my own 5 year intentional dating journey that ended 2.15.26 when I walked down the aisle at 37 years old.

If he wanted to see you, you would not be praying for him to text by Thursday.

I dated a man who was great in person.
Thoughtful dates. Great conversation. A lot of chemistry.

But the communication in between was not good.

I told him early on that I was frustrated by the lack of communication and the last minute planning. And still, it became a pattern.

Honestly, it would be Thursday and I would be praying he would text and ask me out, so I left Friday and Saturday open.

That was so wrong.

I was giving grace to something that was actually just information.

If a man in the early stages of dating is not actively trying to communicate about when he is seeing you next, that is his level of interest.

Then I met James.

He booked our second date at the end of our first date.
And this was a resident ER doctor working 80 hour weeks.

That is exactly why Clara for Daters matters.

Because sometimes the problem is not that you do not see the pattern.
It is that you keep giving it grace.

Clara helped me reflect honestly, stop explaining things away, and tell myself the truth faster.

No man is a bad scheduler when he is genuinely courting the woman he loves.

Download Clara for Daters. Link in bio.

Wedding Welcome Party
💕2.14.26💕

Makeup:
Hair:
Dress:

Avoiding dating and calling it healing was hurting my life.

After betrayal at 32, I spent 3 years “healing.”

But my life was getting smaller.

I was lonely.
I was self isolated.
I gained 50 pounds.

Every month I chose healing in isolation, I moved further away from my heart’s desire.

I was praying a lot during that time, asking God to help me find the light in that darkness.

Then He gave me the idea for Clara.

A place to write it down.
A place to tell myself the truth.
A place to practice discernment.

Because that was the lesson I needed most:

discernment needed practice.

Starting to date again was hard.

I was terrified of falling for a lie again.
But I kept telling myself: go on the date anyway.

And once I chose to engage in life again, the journey was not fast.

It took 99 dates to find my husband.

I had to keep choosing to go forward.

Betrayed at 32.
Single for 5 years.
Date Number 99.
Married at 37.

Start practicing discernment. Download Clara for Daters. Link in bio.

Christian women keep getting stuck trying to heal the man they are dating.

A few months before I met my husband, I went on a date with a man who was very sweet.

Kind.
Considerate.
Handsome. Christian women keep getting stuck trying to heal the man they are dating.
A few months before I met my husband, I went on a date with a man who was very sweet.

Kind.
Considerate.
Hurting.

He opened up about church hurt, loneliness, and how isolated he felt building his business alone.

Grace looked like listening with an open heart.
Not rushing the date.
Letting compassion be present.

But discernment looked like honesty.
At the end of the date, I thanked him, told him I enjoyed getting to know him, but I was not feeling the romantic connection.

That was a discipline I had to train in myself:
not to confuse compassion with romance.

He may have needed company.
He was not my husband.
That is the lesson.

Grace in the moment. Discernment in the advance.
You can care about him and still let him go.

Follow me at Clara for Daters for hopeful, intentional dating content. Single for 5 years married on 2.15.26 at 37 years old.