09/18/2026
Behind the Stall Walls... When You Can't Find the Words
This past weekend I spent a lot of time "behind stall walls." For quite a while now, I've been encouraged to “do something for myself"... ????...So I took a bath...That was boring. I cleaned my barn...Didn't have time to finish. I rode my horse...I haven't had much time to ride, so he wasn't exactly feeling cooperative.
I've really struggled with the idea of “doing something for myself.” Not only figuring out what that actually means, but also following through with it and, with that, allowing myself to do it without feeling guilty.
So I spent a good chunk of change, hooked up the trailer, drove two hours away with my horse, cried through a good portion of the drive because I felt guilty for leaving my family without me, and went to Ranch Camp.
It was incredible....Like really incredible.
Quite honestly, I still haven't found the words to describe it.
There are moments from the weekend that keep replaying in my head. Little moments. Big moments. Things that were said. Things I felt. Things I learned. Things I didn't even realize I needed.
I'm sure the words will come eventually. But for now, I think I'm supposed to just sit in this experience for a little while and just let myself feel it.
Maybe “doing something for yourself” doesn't always have to mean a bubble bath, a quiet afternoon, or checking something off the list of things you're supposed to do for yourself.
For me it was following an impulse that said "I need this." And ignoring the guilt that tempted me to turn the truck around and go home.
For now, I'm not going to try too hard to explain it.
I'm just going to sit with it and be grateful that, for a few days, I gave myself permission to step outside of all the roles I carry every day and simply be a horsewoman.
Maybe the words will come, maybe they won't but for now, I'm okay with just feeling them. ❤️