07/25/2021
I went to Montana recently and I found it odd that they rent you bear spray at the airport. Right next to baggage claim, they have a little booth where you can rent spray that will help you fight off the worldâs most perfect predator.
Thatâs a little weird, right? I mean if you flew to Fort Lauderdale and in the airport they rented you alligator spray, youâd think, âThis is a big issue. These alligators are out of control. You guys need to do something about all these alligators.â
They make you watch a little video that explains how to use the bear spray. Thatâs how you become an expert at surviving an attack from a 1500-pound animal that can run 30 miles per hour and has claws longer than most steak knives. With a 90 second training video.
The video says, âMake sure you hold the canister in your right hand, pull the safety up and away with your left hand and then do quick 2 second bursts of spray with the trigger. Itâs critical that you aim for the chest, not the head.
Do you know whatâs going to happen if a bear is charging me? None of that.
Bear spray is ornamental at best. Itâs sriracha for the bear. The other thing they give you are bells
to wear while youâre walking through the woods, which I am sure is terrifying for grizzly bears.
We saw a grizzly bear across a lake and it was sprinting along the shore, jumping into the water and swimming, leaping over rocks and trees. It looked like it was doing bear parkour. There was no part of me that thought, âYeah, that bear is a little intimidating but I bet he doesnât know I have a bell. So itâs a pretty level playing field right now.â
When youâre hiking around Glacier National Park, you find yourself unconsciously letting other people go in front of you. Not because youâre kind, but because that way, theyâre going to be the one who spooks the bear. That entire vacation, as I kept rattling off bear facts to my wife, she kept saying, âJon, I think youâre overthinking this. Youâre really overthinking the bears. Stop overthinking.â