Coleman Housefield Coaching

My instincts are so strong to try and rescue the people I care about from negative emotions.

But the hardest and best thing is sitting with people when they are feeling strong emotions.

Don’t say much if anything at all.

Don’t try to fix or solve their problem, just be with them in their emotions without trying to change them.

Hold space for them to not be okay.

Recently my dad, (my son’s grandpa) offered to take my son and his cousins to the museum. He didn’t say which museum and my son has been to some fun museums so he was really excited to go.

When my son returned home from the museum I noticed he seemed bummed so I asked him how it went.

Tears started falling down his little 8 year old cheeks and he said, “it wasn’t fun, it was boring”.

My son had such high expectations for the museum experience and reality just did not live up to what he anticipated.

Read the full article -> https://colemanhousefield.substack.com/p/the-hardest-and-best-thing?r=3lwl99&utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web

Photo by Vimar Martinez on Unsplash

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with all the things I’m responsible for, like being a Dad, Husband, Coach, Teacher, Business Owner, Friend, Son, Brother, Writer, Podcaster, Home Owner, the list goes on and on.

I think thoughts like:

I don’t have time to get everything done

I’m behind

The house is a mess and I don’t have time to clean it up

I should be getting more done

These thoughts do an excellent job of making me feel stressed and anxious AND they feel so true.

Like facts I’m just stating. But they are not facts, they are just thoughts I’m having which means they are optional.

I don’t have to think these thoughts.

When I notice this happening I usually take 10 minutes to do a meditation or go for a walk outside. I focus on my breath and let all my thoughts come and go without giving them my full attention.

Through this practice my nervous system comes back to regulation and I come back to the present moment. From this grounded, regulated place I can get curious and ask myself some questions…

There’s a lot going on right now, how can I prioritize supporting and caring for myself instead of neglecting myself?

What do I need to say no to?

What can I remove from my schedule this week to make space to connect with the people I love?

What can I accomplish today that will feel like a relief to have done?

Overwhelm is a signal from your body to your brain. You’re trying to keep too many plates spinning at once.

You’ve overcommitted or you’ve got too much on your schedule this week. Maybe the schedule is fine but you’re neglecting your self care.

What the signal means is specific to you.

Ask yourself the questions, and you’ll be able to interpret the signal so you can take an action that moves you from overwhelm to confidence.

Full Article -> https://open.substack.com/pub/colemanhousefield/p/4-decades?r=3lwl99&utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web

My instincts are so strong to try and rescue the people I care about from negative emotions.

But the hardest and best thing is sitting with people when they are feeling strong emotions.

Don’t say much if anything at all.

Don’t try to fix or solve their problem, just be with them in their emotions without trying to change them.

Hold space for them to not be okay.

Recently my dad, (my son’s grandpa) offered to take my son and his cousins to the museum. He didn’t say which museum and my son has been to some fun museums so he was really excited to go.

When my son returned home from the museum I noticed he seemed bummed so I asked him how it went.

Tears started falling down his little 8 year old cheeks...

Read the full story -> https://open.substack.com/pub/colemanhousefield/p/the-hardest-and-best-thing?r=3lwl99&utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web

Photo by Vimar Martinez on Unsplash

This past week I felt irritated and frustrated with my kids — and I took it as a directive.

I spoke to them with a tone of voice and body language that communicated exactly how irritated and frustrated I was.

My dysregulation helped them become dysregulated too. They each handled it in their own way, based on their personality and temperament.

My son shut down completely (also known as dissociation). One daughter got pi**ed and angry.

The other melted into a puddle of shame.

All because I used my emotions as directions instead of signals.

I projected my dysregulation out into the world through my words, tone, and body language — and the people I love most paid the price.

Emotions make great signals. They make terrible directions.

Full article -> https://open.substack.com/pub/colemanhousefield/p/your-emotions-are-signals-not-directions?r=3lwl99&utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web

My nervous system was dysregulated at least half the time when my kids were birth to 3 years old.

The environment my kids were living in with my nervous system was rough.

I really struggled to adapt to the “always on”, sleep deprived season of being a father when my kids were little.

I was so dysregulated that when my oldest was playing too rough with her sister in the bathtub one evening and physically (accidentally) hurt her, I lost my temper and yelled at my oldest.

My protective instinct as a father totally caught me off guard that day. I was looking out for my youngest daughter’s safety and in the process of protecting her, I lost it on my oldest and literally created a trauma for her.

That night, my oldest woke up terrified and didn’t know why. We didn’t know why either until it happened over and over again, over the next few days.

It’s a long story but I’ll keep it relatively story short here. We found an incredible child therapist who supported us in helping our oldest heal from the trauma I caused.

Full story here -> https://open.substack.com/pub/colemanhousefield/p/your-nervous-system-is-the-first?r=3lwl99&utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web