Dr. Sola Togun-Butler

Strength is not the problem. You have plenty of it.

The problem is that strength became the only option. No one to hand things to. No space to fall apart even a little. Just you, holding it all, for longer than anyone should have to.

This is your reminder that being held is not weakness. Asking for support is not giving up. Letting a community of women carry some of this with you is not a last resort. It is actually how healing works.

You have held so much for so long. You are allowed to put some of it down.
If you need to read this today, save it.

Welcome to July.

Last month we spent a lot of time talking about burnout; naming it, understanding it, letting yourself admit that you're exhausted.

This month we go a little deeper.
Who were you before you got so tired? What did you love before survival took over? What parts of yourself have gone quiet that you miss?

That is what July is about. Not a dramatic comeback. Not having it all figured out. Just the slow, honest work of finding your way back to yourself.

And before we go any further, I want to name something important. July is Minority Mental Health Awareness Month.

If you are a woman who has been told your whole life to be strong, to keep going, to hold it together for everyone else, this month is especially for you. The weight you carry is real. The layers are real. And you deserve space to put some of it down too.

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Honored and grateful to be featured on the cover of the Mental Health, Trauma & Emotional Wellbeing Special Edition 2026 by Wellbeing Observer.
In this special edition, I discuss the importance of belonging and its profound impact on mental health and emotional well-being. My mission has always been to advocate for accessible, culturally responsive mental health care that ensures every individual feels seen, heard, valued, and supported.
Thank you to Wellbeing Observer for this opportunity to contribute to such an important conversation. Together, we can continue breaking barriers and expanding access to quality mental health care for all.
👉🏾Link: https://wellbeingobserver.com/mental-health-trauma-emotional-wellbeing-special-edition-2026/

Let me tell you about 'high-functioning burnout'.

You are still going to work. Still replying to messages. Still showing up for everyone who needs you.

From the outside, everything looks fine.
But inside something has gone very quiet. You are getting things done but you are not really there. You cannot remember the last time you felt genuinely excited about something. You go through the motions and at the end of the day you just feel... flat.

That is high-functioning burnout. And it is one of the sneakiest kinds because it does not look the way burnout is supposed to look. So you keep telling yourself you are not burnt out enough to need help. That other people have it worse. That you should be grateful. That you just need to push through a little longer.

But your body already knows the truth. It has been trying to tell you for a while now.
You do not have to hit rock bottom to ask for support. You do not have to be falling apart on the outside for what you are feeling on the inside to be real and valid.

If this is you, the Virtual Burnout Support Group was built for exactly this. Come as you are.

"I'm just tired."
"I'll rest when this is done."
"I don't want to be a burden."

Sound familiar? These are the things women say instead of "I'm burning out and I don't know how to stop."

If any of these sounded a little too close to home, that's not a coincidence. That's burnout, talking quietly the way it usually does.

You don't have to keep pushing through it alone. The Virtual Burnout Support Group is for exactly this moment. Link in bio.

Most people think recovering from burnout means doing less.

Cutting back. Saying no to everything. Disappearing into rest until you feel ready again.

But rest alone doesn't fix it. Plenty of women take time off, sleep more, slow down completely, and still come back feeling just as empty. Because the missing piece was never just rest. It was support.

Burnout happens in isolation, carrying too much for too long with no one really seeing it. So it makes sense that healing doesn't happen in isolation either. It happens in connection. Being heard. Being understood by people who actually get it.

That's the part most people miss, and it's exactly why I built the Virtual Burnout Support Group. Not another thing to fix on your own. A space to finally not have to.

That headache with no clear cause. The jaw you didn't realise you were clenching. The tiredness that sleep never seems to fix.

That's not in your head. That's your body, still holding stress it never got to release.
You cannot think your way out of a nervous system stuck in survival mode.

What actually helps is feeling safe again, being seen, being supported by people who get it.

That's a big part of what we work on inside the Virtual Burnout Support Group. Link in bio.

We keep looking for the one thing that will fix it. The holiday. The sleep. The fresh start. And when none of it works, we assume something is wrong with us.

Nothing is wrong with you. Burnout just does not respond to individual fixes. It responds to support, community, and finally, not having to hold everything alone.

If you have tried everything and still feel like yourself on empty, save this.

Nobody talks about women's second shift.

The one that starts after work ends. The mental list of what everyone needs, whose feelings need managing, what is running low at home. The emotional labour that has no job title but always somehow lands on you.

Then add the pressure to never complain. To be strong. To hold everything together without letting it show.

At some point the body just says enough. Not loudly. Quietly. A tiredness that sleep does not fix. A flatness you cannot explain. A version of yourself you barely recognise.

That is not weakness. That is what happens when you carry too much for too long without enough support.

You were never supposed to do all of this alone.

Save this if it resonated, and share it with a woman who needs to hear it today. If you are ready to stop carrying it alone, the Virtual Burnout Support Group is open. Link in bio.

We've been sold a lie about rest.

That it looks like a face mask and a glass of wine. That if you just book a massage or take a long bath, you'll feel better. And maybe you do, for a little while. But then Monday comes and you're right back where you started.

Real rest is not always pretty or Instagram worthy.

Sometimes rest is saying no to something you don't have the energy for. Sometimes it's asking someone to help you instead of handling it alone. Sometimes it's sitting in a room, virtual or otherwise, with a group of women who understand exactly what you're carrying, and just letting them hold that with you for a while.

That last one changed everything for me.
There is something that happens when you stop performing strength and just let yourself be seen. Your nervous system finally exhales. That is rest. Deep, actual rest.

This is exactly why I created the Virtual Burnout Support Group. Not to give you another thing to do or another habit to build. Just a space where you don't have to hold it all together for once.