Dating Forward

Honesty is prerequisite to intimacy.

When you express your needs and wants, it is an invitation to the other for deeper understanding of who you are at the core.

However, specially in the early stages of dating, as Filipinos, directness can be a challenge. We have the tendency to avoid confrontation. Sometimes leaning into “slow fading” or “ghosting” when we are no longer interested in pursuing the connection.

Pakikiramdam (shared inner perception) is a Filipino personality that explains the tendency to be indirect. I understand this as wanting to cause no harm thus there is “hesitation to react, attention to subtle cues, and non-verbal behavior in mental role-playing (if I were in the other’s situation, how would I feel)” (Mataragnon, 1987 as cited in Pe-Pua and Protacio-Marcelino, 2000).

This encourages us to be sensitive to the other’s feelings and discerning of our actions. Nuances exist thus pakikiramdam offers a layer of love and intimacy.

But there are times we are called to express directness specially about our intentions in the early stages of dating. Some things need to be said in words to avoid harm and misinterpretations.

Being too direct all the time may not allow time for discernment or feeling others.

Being too indirect all the time may make you lose track to your dream relationship.

The key is balance.

Want to start intentional dating? I’ve created this Dating Compass Workshop for you.

📆 August 30, 2026 (Sunday)
⏰ 1:00 - 5:00 pm
📍Daniel’s Diet, 18 Molave St., Wellcome Hotel, Cebu City

Limited seats only.

Click link in bio to register 🔗

Reference:
Pe-Pua, R., & Protacio-Marcelino, E. (2000). Sikolohiyang Pilipino (Filipino psychology): A legacy of Virgilio G. Enriquez. Asian Journal of Social Psychology, 3(1), 49–71. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-839X.00054

We can love someone, but still don’t feel close to them.

Love fuels relationships because you care.

But for intimacy to thrive, honesty is a prerequisite.

Biddle (1976) says that “depth” is the dimension of intimacy wherein it is more than just being together or sharing life stages. It’s about the presence of safety to be vulnerable and accepted no matter what.

In Sikolihiyang Pilipino, “pakikiisa” (oneness) is the last stage of “hindi ibang tao” (one of us). This is just my interpretation but it could be the “depth” that Biddle was also talking about. When you become one with the other.

This is why I believe relationships are spiritual experience as well.

Compatibility and chemistry are important. In fact, they can be the foundation. But for a relationship to thrive and sustain, it must go beyond logic.

Want to go deeper?

🧭 Save the date: August 30

The best dating decision happens even before the first date ✨

Details coming soon.

🧭 August 30

In this episode of “Duyog sa Gugma,” we accompanied Kiko with his question about considering online dating apps. He feels it might give him a shot at meeting “the one”. He is 31.

➡️ “Ideally, ganahan unta ko ug “organic encounter” magstart ang relationship. Still a romantic kind of guy. But maybe it’s time to try dating apps? Any tips how to
make the most of it? Unta to meet the one.

What this clip for my perspective on dating apps. 💜

Catch also us live every Saturday 7pm on TMC 105.1 radio, Facebook Live, or at The Circle TOPS Busay!

Disclaimer: For general guidance and educational purposes only. This should not replace 1:1 coaching, counselling, or therapy. If your situation is urgent or sensitive, please seek the help of licensed mental health professionals.

Relationship satisfaction is really deeply personal.

A particular relationship might be a dream to one but a nightmare to the other.

In my quest for understanding intimacy years ago, I came across this
formula from The Social Exchange Theory.

𝐎𝐮𝐭𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 - 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥 = 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 / 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Here’s what that means:

𝐎𝐮𝐭𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 is the reality of what you are getting in the relationship.

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥 (𝐂𝐋) is the standard of what you think you should be getting. In simple term, your expectations.

When the outcome is higher than your CL, you’ll most likely be satisfied and will decide to stay. But if not, there will be low intimacy level which can lead to separation.

This is why as years went by, I’m more convinced that each relationship we’ll ever have in this lifetime is unique. It’s always a step to understanding what we believe we deserve. What we tolerate or not. It says a lot about our relationship with ourselves. The way we respond to a relationship Outcome, satisfied or dissatisfied, reflects what we are willing to receive.

This is not to judge or point fingers. Far from that. In fact, this formula helped me reflect on my CL when I was in the early stages of my love journey.

𝘐𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩? 𝘋𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘮 𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘮?

But just like any relationship, we cannot just rely on a formula when deciding to stay or to leave. It’s only a starting guide when emotions are overwhelming.

At the end of the day, two people deciding to stay and work on any dissatisfaction always wins. The bar for Comparison Level can be set higher, as both of you resolve conflicts together.

That’s the Outcome we all mostly likely strive for. But if it not possible, leaving a relationship can also be a good Outcome.

It’s up to us to decide. This life is for us to live, hopefully in our own definition of satisfaction whatever that Outcome is.

And intentional dating doesn’t end when you start living together, get married, or have kids.

Dating is continuous. It’s not just a stage to overcome.

It becomes the breath in relationships as you both evolve and navigate different life seasons.

You continuously learn about yourself and your partner. Just like a language in which you learn new vocabulary and meanings.