Good to Great Parenting

Parents can end up putting everyone else's needs first. Handing out the yummiest and crispiest bits, we make sure everyone else is fed, happy, and sorted before we think about ourselves... which is why we’re drinking coffee that’s been reheated three times.

Note to self: no more cold coffee.

Parents need and deserve the hot drink too.

With cream on it, and a sprinkle of chocolate too!

Self first is not selfish.

Kids bloom in their own time, and parents notice the little things that help them grow.

When adults pay attention and stay curious about what helps them (and doesn't) they can adjust some of the conditions kids need.

You see their patterns, their worries, their strengths, everything that shows you who they’re becoming.

You’re the one who can slow things down when they’re unsure or set limits that help them feel safe.

You get to tune in and give them enough support to bloom in their own way and in their own time.

The things your kids do right now, exactly as they are, are worth appreciating. It’s the way they hand out the oranges at half time without being asked.

A quick smile they give you when you pick them up from a party. Maybe it's a sock puppet they make to cheer up their sister.

Everyday things our kids do are easy to miss when life is busy.

They slip past.

When we start noticing these small things our kids feel seen.

It's a quiet way to strengthen connection.

We feel more balanced when we’re not just looking at the hard stuff.

And the more you notice them the easier it is to find more of them.

Calm down.

It sounds like such a kind thing to say.

When parents say ‘calm down,’ they do it because the really want their child to feel better. They have good intentions.

So it can be a surprise when this only adds more flames to the frustration their child already feels.

Who knows if in the history of calming down, a young person has actually calmed down because someone told them to.

I would say it works sometimes.

What parents do say is that telling an overwhelmed child to "calm down" can make things worse and that there's other ways to let them experience the full range of their emotions and to make it through to the other side.

Parents can give kids a moment to steady themselves and use other words instead of calm down, words like these -

Hmmmmm...
Oh, I can see you're upset.
Do you need a hug?

Even a small pause to acknowledge that your child's having a tough moment can make a big difference.

That's much better than telling them something they probably already know.

And you are showing up to give them the help they need to do it.

Which is exactly what you meant to do in the first place 🩵

Modern life drains our energy, and family life can feel pressured. Our energy account empties fast when life feels this way.

The more deposits we make into our energy account, even tiny ones, the easier it will be to rest and fall into a routine that helps us to settle again.

What's one small shift this week that can help you find a way to rest and digest?

You can't predict the things that will happen to your child.

Kids need to know they can get hurt to know how to keep themselves safe.

Giving them plenty of practice to grow and manage danger is a big part of letting them go.

What are the ways you are preparing your children for the realities in life?

You've spent years dedicated to raising your kids. You've made many, many deposits into your child’s bank of memories. You knew them before the world did. So it can feel brutal when the teen years arrive and you suddenly feel them drift toward their peers.

Their friends become the mirror they look into and that mirror is often harsh and overly critical. You are still their biggest cheerleader, yet it can feel like your voice, the voice of reason, is getting drowned out.

This is exactly when your steadiness matters most. The tone you set, the example you model and your intention to stay connected matter the most.

Your child is the same one that has always been there, just in a much bigger body.

No parent loves being the one who says they cannot go to the party or get in the car at 2am or take a stack of drinks for their friends. It would be easier if they simply accepted reasonable limits. But leadership in the teen years is not about ease. It is about holding the boundary because you know they need it.

In their world what their friends say is worth one hundred points and what you say can feel like one.

That does not mean your influence is gone.

It means your leadership and your love is needed more than ever.

Your teen does not need to like a boundary for it to be good for them.

It's that time of the day when lots of us sit down for a meal together. And the thing that is too easy for parents to overlook is how powerful this part of the day is.

When we talk about building resilience we often think of the big and important milestones, tough times that we're called upon to help our kids make it through.

There are other times that don't seem as significant that I want to shine a light on.
Long term studies have shown that children who share regular meals 3-5 times a week develop stronger resilience, better emotional regulation and a deeper sense of belonging. This means they are able to recover from the knocks and that they can manage stress better.

You're not just sharing a meal - you are creating predictable moments of connection. You are helping them get a strong sense of where they are safe to come home to. It works, even when there's grumpiness or a look on their face that makes you want to sit somewhere else.

Everyday dinners give you time to share the highs, the lows, and the messy middle are what helps your child feel safe, connected, and that's where resilience takes shape.

There’s a lot of noise out there about the “right” way to parent. But what’s right for your child depends entirely on who they are and where they’re at in their development and that is something you know more about than anyone else on the planet.

This fact is so often overlooked and given less weight than the huge volume of advice out there.

Of course you want to know more. We live at a time when we look outwards to solve our issues. And parenting is a series of firsts. You’ve never parented this child at this age before. It makes sense that you find yourself googling late at night, looking for answers.

Why won’t my child eat, sleep or do their homework?
Why can’t I get them to listen or follow instructions?
Could this be ADHD?
Is this level of sibling fighting normal?
How do I get them to do things without bribing them?

Parents often tell me they’ve tried a strategy and it “didn’t work,” or that after reading and doing courses, they still can’t see a clear way forward. That’s where tuning in to what you know about your child makes a big difference.

You can learn more about how to raise your child. Knowing more about temperament and developmental stages helps. And what you know that others don't can make all the difference.

Here’s the part parents can focus on:

There are things only you can do for your child.

You have insight into your child that no one else has.

You know how to read their moods, their signals, their needs better than anyone.

Your child needs to feel connected to you and for them to hear it, see it, and experience it in the way you show up with them.

You are the person they can rely on, even when things feel messy or hopeless.
They know you love them, even when school is hard or friendships are complicated.

And you are the expert your child needs right now.