Allens Ashburton

Poowife Diaries
What a day! Sunshine and s**t, what a combo. Bit nippy on the p**i though. Pooman said i looked like i was going skiing 🤣⛷️ Poo Bunny today. One must be stylish when sucking the s**t.

Rolled out to Rakaia to stir some s**t up. Literally. I was on gate duty and that sucked for a start. You try being 5 foot and climbing in and out of the giant truck. Workout done 💪

Pooman promised it wouldn't smell....well he was full of s**t too. Gagging is my new flex oh and saving lives. Spotted a wee buddy swimming for its life through the turds. I thought..."not on my watch" and got Pooman to scoop him out. Hurrah!

Life saved, drew the line at mouth to beak resuscitation though. Just blew on him. Was alive when we left. . I'm the Pamela Anderson of Poo. 🏊

Back on the tools, sq**rting the turds towards Pooman like my life depended on it. The skill it took not to sq**rt him squarely in the face....willpower was strong today.

What is it with those bloody white hoses..hard to hold on to, and turn off and on. The force nearly sent me over the pond, gloves wet, nearly threw me on my arse...stupid fecking hose.

Home and fed now. Might just lie in the sun like a cat.
Go the ABs. Poowife out.

Well there seems to be a few newbies on the Poo Page, thought we had better reintroduce ourselves! - and yes, we always look this fabulous!

Darryl and Kylie Burrowes have owned and operated Allens Ashburton since 2004, when Josh was a mere toddler and Ella a twinkle in her fathers winkle...oh I mean eye.

We have now evolved to a busy team with 4 trucks on the road and a Chris. We love our Chris and want him to stay forever and no we are not holding him hostage at all...Shhh Chris, get back in the truck.

We have two not so Little S**ts, Josh who is now 24 with a beautiful wife Sarah, and is also our other driver, Josh, not Sarah (her feet don't reach the pedals). Yes we are blackmailing him, it's payback for all the food, power and love we gave him in the early years.

Our other Little S**t is the lovely Ella who is doing a plumbing apprenticeship with Ken Body Plumbing and loving every minute (absolute weirdo - the love of drains and s**t is strong in this family, along with money).

Many of you would have had some encounter with Darryl - aka Pooman. If not, what a treat you are in for! For some strange reason, he seems to be quite popular. Poowife has yet to figure this out...

Pooman has a vast and varied knowledge of drains, poo and septic tanks. Can find a mushroom without even looking, clear a drain in the blink of an eye but manages to lose his wallet and keys multiple times a week. Go figure.

And I'm Poowife. The creative genius (cough cough) behind this page and all the marketing and paying the bills, cooking the meals, doing the washing, invoicing, accounting, driving, everything else basically. Making sure Pooman is fed and watered before he heads out the door each day. Indispensable, fabulous and so under appreciated. (Great being the one that makes up these posts).

So that's us. Our business is your business...think about it. We have been in the s**t for over 20 years and love it! Well, 3 of us do...

Thanks for the support, likes and laughs over the years :)
Poowife out.

🥳ATTENTION GRABBING HEADLINE 🥳

Do you want all your dreams to come true, well maybe not ALL your dreams....This is our genius marketing ploy to get more traffic to our Poo Page! A date with Pooman is up for grabs. Yes you heard that right! In exchange for your tag, like, share and follow our page, you or someone you know will go into the draw to party with Pooman.

You will be treated like Poowife 😂. A night at the local pub, a platter of deep fried goodness, a poke on the pokies (had you going there), a bag of jet planes and maybe a Shankys or two to round the night out. What a dream package. He might even shout you a Shandy or two!

Line up, line up, don't let this one pass you by. Date of your dreams up for grabs.

Or a $200 grocery voucher. Up to you. Like, tag, share till your little hearts content ♥️

May the force be with you ✨️
Will draw this Friday 10 July 2026 - random name generator. Prize cannot be exchanged for cash. :)

Allens Ashburton Locally owned and operated by Darryl and Kylie Burrowes since 2004. Ruralco Suppliers.
Prompt, friendly service. Septic tanks, Effluent Disposal, Drain cleaning and CCTV.

I'd like you all to appreciate my new sheer curtains. Pooman has declared them old fashioned and pointless.
I'll just be over here biting my tongue.....

We might have to change our name to Aliens Ashburton 👽. Looked out the window to see where Pooman had gotten to and P**F! he's been beamed up Scotty!

All that's left are his tattered slippers 😳.
If you spot him wandering around aimlessly, walking funny, emitting a green glow, give me a yodel...

On this crisp winters day, a Friday as it was, a bargain was struck. Josh was tasked with cleaning Little Poo, to prepare it for a Cof. I was about to set the fire when I was struck with a genius plan. "Oh hark there son of mine...if I was to clean the Little Poo, will ye clean thy chimney?" Josh, who hates cleaning anything vehicular and also cleans chimneys as his side hustle, immediately shook on it. Deal 🤛. It was a win win situation for me as I was guaranteed that Little Poo would be cleaner that it had ever been and I get a clean flue. Hurrah!
Yes, I am one of those people who enjoys cleaning things. Go me.😁

Also... hit Josh up if you need a chimney sweep. 0279363818 Burrowes Chimneys.
(Bottle of wine will suffice Josh, thanks) 🍷

*To be read in David Attenboroughs voice..
On a sunshiney Thursday morning, Mumma Bear was sheltering in her den, getting her much need beauty sleep, when she heard a call from one of her cubs. It was the elder cub, out in the natural environment, far from the den. Upon arriving at his destination he noticed that his sustanance, lovingly hunted and gathered by his out of his league wife, was not beside him and startled, he began tracking it. Roaming around, he located it, far from where he was. He put out the call.....Mumma Bear to the rescue. Clawing her way from the den, placing her feet in her boots with the fur, she too began tracking. She needed to find the food to feed her cub and wasn't about to fail on her mission. Cruising along the desert road (or Methven Highway as it is sometimes known), she quickly tracks and locates the missing food parcel. Sitting, patiently waiting for its retrieval. Looking a little bereft from being thrown from the vehicle at a great rate of knots. Then began the hunt for the listening devices, also thrown unceremoniously from the vehicle. Flinging themselves far and wide, emitting a tiny cry, allowing them to be tracked.
Yes people, Joshuaticus Wouldlosehisheadifnotattachedtobody Burrowesus, has taken the Crown from his Father Bear as Dick of the Day. He too has left something on the side of the truck. Ahhh...the apple seems to have not fallen far from the tree at all.
Good times.

We all know the truth don't we Pooman...

POOCRU family, we need your assistance. If this man is spotted at this location then please gently guide him away and back to his vehicle. This is especially important if you see him with a bottle of Shankys Whip in his hands. Bat this away from his hands immediately. You will be saving countless hangovers, livers and ultimately days after socialising with this man. Please be vigilant, our livers are begging you.
But actually, it was fun at the time. 🤣