Ducky Deed

A few weeks ago while on a walk with Ellie and Georgia, 2 of Aarons girl friends. Georgia mentioned that the bench they loved to hang out at had been set on fire & destroyed

She remembered how upset Id been last year after Id tried & failed to get permission to place a memorial for Aaron down by 'The Steps'; their other favourite spot. At the time I couldnt understand why the council wouldn't allow it. I mean (having designed it myself) it was a masterpiece!. I guess now Im a little further on my grief journey, I can see why a 20' perforated reflective metal installation of 2 people hugging so as to form an abstract mirrored 🤍 shape, perched on the banks of the River Boyne, overlooking Trim Castle may have seemed a tad excessive & maybe a little out of place 💨😬

She asked if Id mind if they got to make a bench to replace it, along with a plaque to remember Aaron ( ). 'Of course not', I croaked. Ellie said she had a pic of the old bench & showed it to me. 'Wow, it was a bit more rustic than I expected' I said. When I saw a look of confusion on their faces, I thought maybe I should look at it again 🤔 (4th pic ). In my defence, my eyes were a little wet & my brain a little foggy

I told them we still had money from Michaels Go Fund Me so we'd pay for it. But they insisted that a group of Aarons friends were chipping in for it (Georgia, Ellie, Evan, Kristian, Byron, Cian, Izzy and Cillian. As well as Georgias dad, Eric) 🙏

I dont know if its, and love for Aaron or & towards us but once again since Aarons passing, I've been overwhelmed by Aarons friends & Im so so grateful that they were in his life & he's still in their hearts ❤️

"A man’s friendships are one of the best measures of his worth" Charles Darwin

If you pay a visit to post from today 'All About Confidence in the Water'. You'll see the bench under a tree to the right. I picture Aaron leaning back & sitting there with contented smile on his face as he soaks up the rays & puffs on his v**e 💙

2nd pic L to R (Malachy from Trim Mens Shed. Back; Lorcan, Eric, Cian, Georgia & Ellie. Front; Adam & Kristian)

'Tell me about Aaron'

Over the few weeks of doing radio & tv interviews, its a question that would inevitably come after a brief reference to our family's tragedy. At least I knew to expect it & was fairly well able to armour up & answer. But this particular morning, I wasn't

I was exhausted & depressed, having run around like a crazy woman the day before when my family hosted the Ducky Deed Derby to honour Aaron. And spending the previous 8 weeks pulling everything together on only 3 to 4 hours sleep a night. I'd woke that morning to my heart beating out of my chest & my thoughts racing like a speedway train whizzing round making me feel dizzy. 'What do I do with Ducky now?', 'how do I get through the rest of my life without Aaron?', 'how do I make sure he wont be forgotten? So, it wasn't ideal that I'd already committed to doing a tv interview that morning

4 hours later, I was on a sofa in a Tv studio surrounded by people I didn't know. I could sense a strange vibration in the room. I didn't know what it was but I felt the awkwardness of people around me. I mean I get it. How do you do small talk with a grieving parent who's about to talk about the most devistating and unimaginable loss of their life?

As the presenter talked about Organ Donation and then turned to face me, I realised what it was that I'd sensed in the room because it was written all over their face...... It was pity

Behind a mask of calmness I screamed 'PLEASE DON'T PITY ME. I'M DESPERATELY TRYING TO CLING ONTO ANY SEMBLANCE OF HOPE TO GET THROUGH THIS INTERVIEW, LET ALONE THE REST OF MY LIFE. YOUR PITYING LOOK IS QUENCHING THAT LAST GLIMMER'

I realised that I'd been so focused on making the Derby a success that I'd forgotten to prepare for the question so that I didn't just rehash what i'd said before about Aaron. But just when I needed it most, my brain bailed and went into power save mode. Leaving me alone and in despair, all too aware that my mini meltdown was happening on live tv!

So instead of doing the what I wanted to do and leg it, I sat there stupefied and stumbled over a pathetic list of Aaron's charistics, adding to them as if to play the odds that one of them would land with someone, anyone watching and they'd think 'wow! wasn't Aaron a great guy?. I would've loved to have known him'. Because the truth is, he was and you would. I hear the hollowness in my voice, recognise the pointlessness of going on and honestly, hopelessly whimper 'I dont know what else to say'

I drove the whole way home through tears of frustration, crawled back into bed and buried my shame under the covers. I'd let Aaron down. Yes, I did what I promised I would, I'd promoted Organ Donation in his name. But in the face of pity, I'd lost sight of Aaron, of who he was and what he meant to me when he lived. Under those covers I made a promise to both of us that I would never let that happen again

The 24 other amazing participants in our 'Gift of Life' Ducky Deed Derby

Winning team participants

Winning Team - Bios to follow

'The legacy of hero's is the memory of a great name and the inheritance of a great example'— Benjamin Disraeli