Yoga with Louise George

Recovery from an eating problem like anorexia isn’t just about eating more or just about weight restoration.

Those things do matter enormously, especially in the early stages, but recovery is often about something much bigger.

Many of the young people I work with have become experts in everyone else’s needs.

They’ve learned to keep the peace.
To please.
To adapt.
To avoid being a burden.

And somewhere along the way, they may have lost sight of themselves.

So recovery becomes about more than food.

It’s about identity.

Who am I?
What do I feel?
What do I enjoy?
What do I believe?
What do I need?
Can I say no?
Can I disappoint someone and still be loved?
Can I take up space?

This is one of the reasons I often work with parents and teenagers together, because recovery doesn’t happen in isolation.

When families begin to understand each other’s nervous systems better something will often shift.

It’s a slow process, but alongside recovery, a stronger sense of self gradually begins to emerge.

Many teenagers with eating problems, especially restrictive ones like anorexia, are trying very hard NOT to be difficult.

They’re trying to be easy and to not be a “burden”.

Maybe there’s illness, divorce or stress in the family.

Maybe they’re simply very sensitive and perceptive.

Some children become emotional weather forecasters and become experts in everybody else’s feelings before they even understand their own.

They notice the sighs.
They notice the tension in the room.
They notice Mum’s exhaustion.
They notice Dad’s withdrawal.
They notice that their sibling needs more care or attention.

And so they adapt.

And the child who notices everything often becomes the child who learns not to ask for much. Not to take up too much space. Not to add to the burden.

So the question is often something like:

“How did this particular nervous system adapt to this particular environment?”

My work with teenagers with eating problems has evolved naturally over time to become some of my most interesting and fulfilling work.

Parents often come to me asking me to work with their teenager.

But the work I do is more about focusing on the relationship around the eating disorder.

Because eating problems affect the whole family and recovery happens in relationships too.

In these sessions I’m not taking sides.

I’m not finding fault.

I’m working on building understanding and connection.

And usually what I see are two frightened nervous systems trying to protect each other and accidentally getting stuck in a dangerous cycle.

The nervous system is our surveillance system from birth.

If you’re someone who’s lived in a body that attracts comments, advice, stares or criticism, your nervous system may have become incredibly skilled at spotting potential threats.

You start reading people’s facial expressions.
You wonder what they’re thinking.
You compare yourself to others.
You brace yourself before walking into a room.

That’s hypervigilance.

But hypervigilance isn’t weakness.
It’s not being dramatic.
It’s actually a very intelligent survival strategy.

My nervous system wasn’t trying to make life difficult for me around my body and the lipoedema that I had…It was just trying to protect me.

I see this same pattern a lot in my young clients with eating disorders too. But more on that another time.

The psychological impact of lipoedema 🎀

I am very quickly becoming a “yes” person - I’m saying yes to the things that scare me the most.

It would be so much easier to stay comfortable and keep myself small but I don’t think that’s what we are here for.

I want to grow to my fullest potential and I want to see other people do that too.

I hate it when I hear people say things like “who does she think she is?” or “she’s too full of herself” when really we should all be cheerleading each other on to reach our fullest potential.

In the words of Marianne Williamson in this iconic passage…

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate... We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?”

Keep saying yes to the things that scare you! 💖💖💖