Kari Ann Roberts

Self Care and the eye rolling that word brings from most Mums especially during the school holidays!
Understanding how hard it is, particularly for mothers, to hear this word without it hitting their heart hard and raising all sorts of emotions.
We can love our children and still make space for us.
It doesn't have to be a balance or choice of them and us.
Real self care is not something that becomes part of the long list of to do things.
It starts with believing we deserve to look after ourselves without sacrificing any of the love we have for our children.
What is one thing thing you could do today to take care of yourself?

One piece of wisdom I know is this

Lie of Perfection

We are sold a fantasy of perfection, the perfect career, the perfect body, the perfect house, the perfect parent and are led to believe that having these things means we have worth.

This striving for an impossible ideal is where the real brokenness lies.
We see filtered, flawless moments on social media and feel like we're the only ones who are struggling, taking 20 photos to get one perfect shot, or just trying to get through the day.

You Are Already Enough
You are not meant to be a copy of anyone else. So many of us, especially as women and mothers, feel this immense pressure to be someone we're not.
We're told we need to change to be successful, to be happy, to be worthy.
That’s a lie.

The truth is, you, exactly as you are, are more than enough. Living life to the beat of someone else's drum will only bring you pain. Your unique rhythm, your beautiful imperfections, and your authentic self are your greatest strengths. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
You were born whole. Stay whole.

First picture of my imperfect self and the second the one that was shared 💚

Its result time of the year again!
When my results came out I was in another country
I had left Malaysia and come to the U.K.
to work for a year
Honestly I had a real tough time at school and still sometimes have nightmares

I didn’t believe I would pass or do well because I had always been told I wouldn’t and even told I was not clever enough
Surprisingly my results were very good and higher than our head girl

Fast forward and the narrative of not being clever enough still shows up every time I have continued studying
Thankfully it didn’t stop me
The only thing I wish is my younger self had the same belief and confidence in herself as I do now

So for all those getting their results a little reminder that life doesn’t stop here
You are not defined by your results
Anything is possible and you are amazing!

Looking at my amazing and varied career paths I have had, I know this to be true

Court Clerk Assistant
PA
Management in hospitality
Teaching
Health Promotion
Youth Development
Parenting Expert
Multi Agency Safeguarding Management
Expert coach
Executive trainer
International Best Selling Author
World Record Holder
Buisness founder
Recommended Coach

“I feel like I’ve failed”

This is something I have heard a lot in my sessions with my clients

A mum whose son is 15 and told her how much he was struggling two years ago and she thought he was just being a teenage brat
He told her how much he needed her to see him then, it broke her heart.

Parents who had been struggling with being sandwiched between a parent with dementia, stressful jobs and parenting.
Their 14 year old son got caught drunk down the park. He didn’t want his parents to worry about how he felt and couldn’t talk to them as he didn’t want to add to their problems

So many times I see posts moaning about kids behaviour and the myth it’s because their parents don’t care.

I know how much parents care, how much they juggle and sometimes yes a ball gets dropped that’s why coaching them is so important and helping them reconnect with their child.

I have been doing an exercise today and one of the questions that I had to answer was “why are you qualified to do what you do?”

I know I can reel off a load of qualifications and personal and professional experience which I have in abundance .

One thing struck me while putting an answer together is this: Parent Coaches don’t talk about the National Occupational Standards of working with parents, which I have a level
4 in and have taught and tutored Social Workers, Family Engagement workers, Education Welfare Officer and many more professionals in.

Number 3 of the standards is
“Mothers, fathers and those in a parenting role are acknowledged as having unique knowledge and information about their children and are the primary educators of their children”?

And that’s one I always keep at the heart of my coaching.
If you want to know how to work with me send me a message.

In 2016 I did something I thought I would never do and surprised all those close to me
A tandem parachute jump raising money for two family charities Barnardos and Family Lives
I am very nervous when it comes to heights and had avoided them at all costs until then
I remember the exact moment the fear first hit me
I was 14 and up a ladder and froze!
My friends had to grab hold of my legs and move them one by one step by step to get me down while I had my eyes shut!

So why did I decide to do the jump?
Well I turned 50 and decided that I would face some of my fears and really live my life
After doing this I knew anything is possible even when fear is banging down the door!

These pictures remind me of this and
I can still feel the high and low emotions of the day

The scariest thing was the journey up in the tiny rickety plane 🤣

When he was young he was a ball of energy, couldn’t wait to move and walk. At 6 months there was no stopping him exploring his world which has never stopped being the case.

I would be told, you shouldn’t let him do, say, be himself because he wasn’t quiet and was on the go all the time, curious and questioning, never destructive.

I was told to be a stricter parent
I was told I shouldn’t let him follow his dreams to go to America, to play basketball, because he should stay home because missing him would be too hard

I am not a perfect mum by any means, but as much as I questioned my decisions, deep down I knew caging him was not an option but providing loving boundaries where he could experience what he was born to experience was how he would thrive.

As I look back I am thankful I didn’t listen to judgmental comments which I want to believe well intended advice.

Although I would sob to myself daily with a little inner rage because I had not yet connected to my strength and conviction.
At times feeling powerless and torn by the should’s of others.

His self determination and belief in his dreams is mind blowing and he has experienced so much in his life that are the stepping stones to his strength,
Success and determination now.

So to the parents that know deep in their heart who their child is and you are showing up as the parent they need you to be, I see you, keep going and be confident in yourself !!

If you need support, message me, I offer individual coaching sessions, group workshops and online tools.