Ellie Grigg - Personal Trainer & Wellness Coach

What if we’ve got success completely backwards?

We’re taught that a good life is one that’s full.

More work. More money. More achievements. A better body. More things ticked off the list.

And if we’re not moving forward? It can feel like we’re falling behind.

But you can have a diary bursting at the seams and still feel empty.

You can lose the weight, get fitter, chase those elusive six-pack abs… and find that the voice telling you you’re not quite good enough is still there.

I know this because I do it too.

I’m terrible for chasing the next shiny thing.

Maybe if I do a Master’s, I’ll feel knowledgeable enough.

Maybe if I earn more, I’ll feel successful enough.

Maybe if I finally buy that car I’ve had my eye on forever, I’ll feel like I’ve made it.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting those things.

The problem comes when we attach our worth to getting them.

Because there will always be another goal. Another purchase. Another qualification. Another version of ourselves we think we need to become.

The goalposts have a funny habit of moving.

So lately I’ve been asking myself a different question:

Instead of “What do I need to achieve next?” how do I actually want my life to feel?

And the older I get, the more I think calm is a kind of wealth.

Having space in your diary.

Saying no without feeling guilty.

Moving your body because you want to look after it, not because you’re constantly trying to fix it.

Going for a walk without thinking you should be doing something more productive.

Being present in the life you already have instead of constantly racing towards the next version of it.

None of that looks particularly impressive from the outside.

Nobody applauds you for having an empty afternoon, and you can’t put “felt content with what I already have” on LinkedIn. 😂

But maybe that’s the point.

Maybe success isn’t building a life that looks impressive.

Maybe it’s building one that actually feels good to live.

I’m still learning this one.

But I think I’d like to get a little richer in calm.

Who’s with me? 🙋🏻‍♀️

Ever notice how the second you tell yourself…

“I’m not having chocolate/wine/cake/biscuits this week…”
(insert your vice of choice here. Mine is apparently a latte with enough syrup to qualify as dessert 😂)

…you suddenly can’t stop thinking about it?

It’s a bit like saying:

“Don’t think of a pink elephant.”

What are you thinking about?

Probably a pink elephant. 🐘
(I’d insert a pink elephant emoji here… but apparently nobody thought we’d needed one 😂)

Nutrition can work in a very similar way.

The more you tell yourself:

“I can’t have bread.”
“I’m not allowed dessert.”
“I need to be good this week.”

…the more your attention can get pulled towards the very thing you’re trying to avoid.

Part of this can be explained by psychological reactance, when we feel our freedom to choose is being restricted, we naturally want to push back against it.

So the thing you want, becomes more appealing.

Eventually you have it, feel like you’ve failed, tighten the rules again…

…and round you go.

This is why I’m much more interested in helping people build a way of eating they can actually live with than giving them another list of foods they’re “allowed” and “not allowed” to eat.

Sometimes better nutrition isn’t about having more control.

It’s about needing fewer rules in the first place 🫶🏻

When my eldest stepson was little, I was always faster and stronger than him.

I could beat him in a race, lift the heavier things and generally enjoy my position as the physically superior member of the household. 😂

I always knew it wouldn’t last forever. One day, he would become faster and stronger than me.

I just thought that day would come when he was about 18…

Not 13!! 😅

It’s funny watching children grow stronger while also noticing that, unless we actively work at it, our own strength can gradually start to head in the opposite direction.

Of course, I don’t need to be able to outrun a 13-year-old, I’m accepting defeat on that one. 😂

But I’d like to keep joining in, rather than automatically becoming the person who watches from the sidelines. I want to trust my body, say yes to opportunities and keep up with the people I love, even if they occasionally leave me standing in a race!

That’s one of the reasons I strength train.

Not because I’m trying to turn back time or compete with teenagers, but because strength gives us options. It helps us keep doing the things we enjoy and living life on our own terms as we get older.

So perhaps the question isn’t:

“Am I as fit as I used to be?”

Maybe it’s:

“What do I want my body to keep allowing me to do in 10, 20 or even 30 years?”

Our brains are VERY good at remembering what went wrong 😅

So today, make a point of noticing what went right too.

What’s one good thing from your day? 💚

It can sometimes be easy to forget what we’re exercising for. Of course it’s nice to feel better in your clothes or have more energy but there’s a much bigger picture.

The FREEDOM to be able to walk for miles in your 60s or carry your own shopping in your 70s. To keep doing the things you love for as long as possible.

None of us gets to control exactly how we age or even if we do (sorry to get a bit morbid 😬) but we can give ourselves the best possible chance, right?

And the boring little things we do now, the walks, the moments of mindfulness, the strength sessions, are all deposits into our future.

You’re not just training for the body you have today.

You’re training for the life you still want to be living years from now.

So here’s a question worth thinking about…..

What do you want to still be able to do when you’re 70 and beyond?💚

Have you ever noticed how your brain can turn…

🍪 “I’ve had one biscuit…”

into…

🤦 “Well… I’ve blown it now.”

Or…

🏋️ “I missed one workout…”

into…

📅 “Right… I’ll start again on Monday.” (For the 47th Monday this year. 😅)

That’s called black-and-white thinking.

We convince ourselves we’re either smashing it… or we’ve completely failed.

There’s no middle ground. There’s no grey!

But fortunately, our health and fitness doesn’t work like that.

One biscuit doesn’t ruin our progress.

Just like one salad doesn’t suddenly make us healthy. Damn it!😩

What matters far more is what we do next.

I’ve found over the years that the people who make lasting changes aren’t the ones who never slip up.

They’re the ones who have a biscuit, enjoy it, and then crack on with the next meal.

They miss a workout… and simply do the next one.

So next time your brain tells you, “I’ve blown it,” ask yourself…

Have I actually blown my progress… or is my brain just seeing things in black and white?

Because lasting change isn’t about being perfect.

It’s about refusing to let one small wobble become a complete U-turn.

👇Who feels seen?