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Leroy I miss us 😢 💔✨️

I have so many photos of us over the last 15years .
When you walked in the room its was full of smiles how could anyone not smile at your wonderful smile 😊.
your were always positive ✨️ even when things didnt go our way.
I miss all the stuff that bugged me. Our dogs miss your cuddles 😢
I think about you 24/7, everything is a memory or I want to tell you.. but i cant physically anymore.
Life is so cruel 💔 There is so many things I want to do, but I want to do with you....

I feel so lost 😞 from outside I look ok. but every inch of me hurts without you
I dont want to socialise even though people want to see me, I feel so flat.
ive lost my spark ✨️ I felt it left with you Leroy 💔

Today i had my 1st proper conceilling session.
Its brought up so many questions about me. How i deal with stuff in life before January and since I lost Leroy D Joseph.
I currently get up washed and sort my dogs out
Then the black cloud ☁️ just goes around all day with me whether its something planned a nice day with family or friends 🧡 I dress up bright like I always would and put the smile on but the grim repearer is alway there to being me back down to earth...
I cant see any future for me
Except for watching my family blossom 🌸
I have days planned and a cruised booked joining friends but im not excited about any of it (its not u guys its me)
I just feel numb 😕 surround by blackness and not sure where im going....

Im currently on the sick from work due to the terrible overwhelming feeling, the heaviness in my chest and just out if control and in flight or fight 24/7
Ive had two incidents in last two weeks where i went into meltdown instantly

Im sat here pondering what im doing with my life... what im gonna do.. what my future looks like.
Today i feel calm for 1st time in a long time. To be fair I feel very numb.
My blood pressure has been running high for months ,no wonder in flight or fight mode. But ive been asked to monitor it and today is a very good reading. Shown in pics.
Ive been taking aged garlic capsules and beetroot tablets for a few months and drinking nettle tea and hibiscus tea when I can. Ive completed a 6 week beginners course of Aerial Yoga and been doing reformed pilates. Im trying to put positivity into my life.
So a little positive I found today in the awful world of pain im in 💔

YES...... get in England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿
Best game ive watched for ages. The team worked together so well...
FANTASTIC 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿
10men still 2-3 to England. They played brilliant
112mins in the altitude 👌 WOW

Leroy D Joseph would of loved it

Quarter finals next but against Norway eeekkkk

I think im lost without you....💔