Karin Peeters - Vitalis Coaching & Therapy

YOUR THOUGHTS ARE LYING TO YOU... I often say to my clients that when a vinyl record gets broken or scratched, the needle can get stuck in a groove, repeating the same section of music, never reaching the end of the song. Does it feel like that in your head, in your life dear Karin? The same thoughts playing over and over again in your mind, like a negativity soundtrack, without resolution?

Today I'll show you that your thoughts are lying to you, and how to change 'your tune': https://www.vitaliscoaching.com/blog/cbt-thought-record-negative-thinking

On the blog I’ll be exploring Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and its approach to tackle negative, unconscious and unhelpful thinking. CBT recognises that our thinking, our emotions, our bodily sensations and our behaviours are inextricably linked, and by changing the originating thoughts we can create wholly different and potentially much more positive outcomes for ourselves.

We all at times can’t seem to help thinking the worst in certain situations and find ourselves in emotional turmoil as a result. It’s a painful place to be and sometimes we can really feel powerless to do anything about it. Our thoughts can feel very real, but that doesn't make them true.

WISE AND COMPASSIONATE SELF-WITNESS
One strategy that CBT helps us to deploy is to create a little healthy distance between our sense of Self and the thoughts that we have. It allows us to start to cultivate a wiser, more compassionate self-witness or observer to our thoughts, rather than being unwittingly led astray by the unhelpful thoughts themselves. Worth exploring I think! Read more here: https://www.vitaliscoaching.com/blog/cbt-thought-record-negative-thinking

GOING BEYOND CBT
Whilst CBT doesn’t always get right to the root of the issue (that's the reason why I use other modalities to enhance deeper therapeutic healing to support us in resolving recurring challenges from the source), it can undoubtedly provide a useful tool to uncover our limiting beliefs, and give us great strategies to manage life better.

I do hope you find it helpful and as ever I welcome your thoughts and questions. If you find you need further support and would like to explore working more deeply then please do get in touch for a free Discovery Call https://www.vitaliscoaching.com/free-discovery-call (or simply reply to this post or send me a DM).

My warmest,
Karin

PS. I learned about "AI disclaimers" recently, so here we go: AI was used to create paragraph titles, but this post is written by me and the therapeutic perspective and understanding of CBT are entirely my own :)

Together with the lovely journalist Caroline Butterwick we explore how moments of shared food and conversation at communial dining experiences can ease our deeper wish for connection and sense of belonging. With some great conversation starters!

Breathe Magazine is for sale in the shops in the UK as we speak, or you can buy it internationlly online via Kelsey or PocketMags websites.

Find more media publications I've contributed to over the years on my website (about - media). I'm at 60+ articles and counting 💛💛.

Enjoy reading,
Karin xx

Today May 15th, is International Day of Families, and it's aim is to promote awareness of family issues and highlight the importance of families in society. Perfect timing to share this golden oldie with you:

https://www.vitaliscoaching.com/blog/communication-with-parents
It's about that akward feeling of not really enjoy spending time with your parents, even though they aren’t terribly unkind in any obvious ways? The posst delves into why this happens, and how to improve the relationship (if that's what you want).

Enjoy reading, and if you can use a helping hand to guide you through the slippery terrain of human relationships, leave your details here for a free Discovery Call: https://www.vitaliscoaching.com/free-discovery-call

With love,
Karin

It can be surprisingly hard to speak openly with the people closest to us, whether that is our partner, our parents, our primary caregivers or our children. Don't you agree?

Sometimes a conversation touches something tender in us (or them!), and before we know it, we are no longer responding from the thoughtful, kind part of ourselves. We become defensive, critical, shut down, hurt or frustrated, and what we meant to say with care comes out in a way that creates distance instead of understanding.

I was interviewed for Teen Breathe Magazine, and it's about young people who want to tell their parents or primary caregivers that they are becoming vegetarian or vegan. The thoughtful, practical guidance applies to anyone of us who wants to learn to communicate without turning the conversation into a battle.

Much love, and harmonious conversations,
Karin xx

PS And in case you're wondering, I'm a vegetarian 😊.

KINDNESS THROUGH A BUDDHIST LENS

During my stay in monasteries in India and Nepal I was taught that the essence of Buddhism boils down to 'do no harm, and if possible, be kind'.

The idea is that we begin our practice by non-harm. First to ourselves, then to our loved ones, gradually expanding to strangers (people who are neutral to us), and eventually to those who we find challenging.

Once we get better at non-harm, we widen our practice to an approach of compassion and loving-kindness.

It's interesting isn't it, to begin with 'do no harm/practise non-violence', and only when we've mastered that, to practise to be kind.

It made me wonder, what if we practice this towards our inner world? To have an attitude of non-harm, even towards our most critical, painful, difficult thoughts and feelings? To hold them in an open, neutral curiosity. And once we can witness them in that way, to expand our holding to a compassionate, loving presence?

Wouldn't that be what we all long for? To be held in such safe kindness? What do you think, I'd love to hear.

I wish you abundant non-harm and compassion for yourself, wherever you are on your journey, and the reassurance to know that you are not alone. You can book a call with me through my website to see how I can help develop a kinder, softer inner landscape. And oh, may it ripple outwards like a charm, we all know how much the world needs it 💛.

Warmest, Karin

Spring seems a time when people are truly fed up with that stuck feeling of going through the motions and not really having a clear sense of direction or purpose. Nature is opening up to life, and it's time for us to do the same.

When there is a sense of misalignment between what’s happening on the outside in your daily doings, and the wishes or longings of your heart and soul, it causes an internal conflict. This creates doubt and confusion. My clients walk around with questions like "Am I in the wrong job, wrong country, wrong relationship?"

I've gathered seven simple yet profound suggestions for you that I know from my own experience really do help make that shift away from feeling stuck in confusion towards greater meaning and fulfilment. You'll love it, I'm sure:
https://www.vitaliscoaching.com/blog/purpose-driven-life-finding-right-direction-when-feeling-lost.

“When life feels unclear, the wisest next step is not to think harder, but to listen more deeply.” - KARIN PEETERS

With love, Karin

CALM STARTS HERE: I don’t know about you, but between the pace of life and everything that's happening in the world, doesn't it feel like there’s little chance to recover and rest? Whether we consciously acknowledge it or not, most of us live in an almost constant state of stress and subtle underlying anxiety. Unable to truly switch off, considering our screens a way of relaxation (trust me, they are not), we've forgotten how to feel at peace in our own body.

If we want to give ourselves the best opportunity to not just cope, but thrive, keeping our nervous system well-regulated is key. On the blog today I’m sharing seven simple yet profound ways to feel emotinally safe and at ease when feeling stressed: https://www.vitaliscoaching.com/blog/calm-regulate-nervous-system.

A well-regulated nervous system isn’t optional, or a luxury. It’s the foundation for clarity, calm, and wise decisions.

I'd love to hear how it feels for you to be 'well-regulated', meaning when your nervous system feels calm and balanced.

With love, Karin

Today marks World Voice Day, an annual celebration dedicated to the importance of the human voice and how we use it to communicate, connect, and express who we are.

While officially this day highlights vocal health and the science of speech, I considered it a powerful reminder to reflect on the voices we carry within. The way we speak to ourselves shapes our confidence, our choices, how we show up in the world and how we talk to our loved ones. Now, that makes for a brilliant subject for my musings to you!

I wrote a blog a while ago about powerful journaling prompts to quieten your negative inner self-talk, you can read it here: https://www.vitaliscoaching.com/blog/how-to-use-journalling-prompts-to-quiet-your-inner-critic.

DEVELOP A MORE GENTLE INNER VOICE
When challenges arise in our life, it hurts. But as if that isn't painful enough, on top of it many of us (often unconsciously) increase our own suffering by blaming ourselves in our own head. A double blow...

In the blog I touch a little on the Buddhist concept of the second arrow and how when life's challenges set in, we can so easily, yet needlessly, add to our own suffering by how we talk to ourselves in our own head.

In my work as a Coach and Psychotherapist I guide people in realising where this Inner Critic comes from, who it reminds them of, where they have learned to speak to themselves like this, and how to transform this harsh internal voice into a kinder, more supportive ally.

Giving all aspects of yourself space, even such a painful part like your Inner Critic, is a profound practice on the path to self-acceptance and ease.

READ FULL BLOG
https://www.vitaliscoaching.com/blog/how-to-use-journalling-prompts-to-quiet-your-inner-critic

When you invite the window of self-compassion to open just a little, you may be surprised at the breathe of fresh air available to you.

I do hope you’ll find it helpful and would love to hear your thoughts. Enjoy the power of your voice, may it be a force for good 😊.

Until next time,
Karin xx

Here's an unusual way to remind you of the preciousness of this life of yours, and to getting your priorities right:

Dust if you must, but wouldn’t it be better
To paint a picture or write a letter,
Bake a cake or plant a seed,
Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time,
With rivers to swim and mountains to climb,
Music to hear, and books to read,
Friends to cherish and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world’s out there,
With the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair,
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain.
This day will not come round again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it’s not kind.
And when you go - and go you must -
You, yourself, will make more dust.

- Rose Milligan -

Originally Published in The Lady (1998).

May these words inspire you to use your precious time well, and to choose your priorities carefully... I don't know how many times I mentioned over the years how precious life is, and that what you do with it matters. But I cannot say it often enough. This life is not a general rehearsal. Your time is now, it will not come back. From the bottom of my heart, please use it well.

Need a helping hand to get your priorities straight, to learn to say no, to reconnect with what matters most, to find out what it is you really want, and how to get there? I adore my work and can't wait to here from you. Feel warmly invited to book a free discovery call today: https://www.vitaliscoaching.com/free-discovery-call.

With love, Karin

Photo Unsplash, with gratitude

I've got something special for you... All the questions I have been asked since I started working as a Coach and Therapist in 2008 are now answered on my website. I really do think I covered every single one of them, but please tell me if I forgot yours and I'll add it with pleasure.

May they help you make a well-informed and reassured decision about working together. It includes the questions you didn’t even know you had 😊:
https://www.vitaliscoaching.com/contact/faqs

Warmly, Karin

A while ago I visited the Wall of Heroes at Postman's Park in London. I was touched by the piece of art created by Susan Hiller. It is made up of a series of Victorian ceramic tiles dedicated to everyday heroes. It explores heroism and commemorates acts of courage by ordinary men, women and children.

In the middle of the mosaic is a piece of graffiti reading 'strive to be your own hero'. It really moved me.

I believe my clients, each and every single one of them, are true heroes. It takes courage and bravery to introspect, to feel the feelings, to be with oneself, to not run or hide or avoid or numb, but to be present for it all. To find transformation, healing and a joyous way forwards.

Are you striving to be your own hero? Having a wish for a content, aligned, authentic life is one thing. But actually taking the first step to make it happen is another. I didn't say it was going to be easy. You might not know where to start, where you want to get to, or how to get there (all of those are my job). You might have to overcome all kinds of obstacles, both inside and outside of yourself. But just think of the first step, no matter how small, give it your best shot, and be your own hero.

When you are in the mood to watch a good film about heroes, everyday people like you and me, consider watching "As it is in Heaven" (Sa som i himmelen, Kay Pollak, 2004). Gabriella’s Song is one of my favourites!

Karin xx
Explore working together: www.vitaliscoaching.com



Photos: Unsplash, with gratitude