Naomi Cambridge Coaching

⚡️Unresolved karma shows up again and again down the lineage until someone steps up to do the healing work ⚡️

F**k that s**t, reclaim your power and say NO

THINK YOU KNOW WHAT OTHER PEOPLES ACTIONS MEAN?! READ ON…

About 3 years into our relationship my ex and I were doing a couple’s weekend intimacy workshop and the facilitator asked us to ask our partner when we knew they were really into us

I said ‘easy! You asked me to come with you to your sisters for a day with your family and I met your parents and kids for the first time’

I watched as a wry smile spread across his face

‘What?!’ I said, suddenly feeling a bit nervous

‘You know what that meant for me?’ he said

‘What?!’ I said again, my cheeks flushing and my previous certainty draining

‘Absolutely nothing’ he said. ‘I have nothing around who meets my parents or kids, I don’t hold it as anything special or important’

I felt STUNNED, like someone had told me that Father Christmas didn’t exist

Colours in the room got brighter, I felt a bit sick and then we both fell into each other’s arms laughing

We lived together, shared a life, were part of a community where we were constantly pushing ourselves to tell each other uncomfortable truths and be vulnerable and yet somehow the whole basis on which I’d decided that this man, my partner was ‘into me’ had been outed as my own total fantasy and projection

That day was a total game changer

I realised how much I went around making a meaning from what other people were doing – especially men – but never asking them if my narrative was correct

I ASSUMED I knew. I ASSUMED other people thought like me

I ASSUMED very, very wrong

Anyone relate?!

I speak to a lot of people about love and their experience of it; couples who’ve been married for decades, new couples in the flush of lust, singles, serial monogamists, serial non-monogamists

And one of the most important things that has emerged from my research is that people who have been mostly happy in their intimate relationships consider love to be a choice

And people who have been mostly unhappy in their relationships think that love is something that is going to just ‘happen to them’ one day like getting struck by lightning or winning the lottery or something

Those who consider it to be a choice believe like Massive Attack, that love is a verb, a ‘doing word’

And they believe it’s a choice about how *they* show up and behave; they’re doing their best to be compassionate, vulnerable, honest, thoughtful, generous and loving, even when they don’t want to be, especially when they don’t want to be

And they choose to see their partner(s) as doing their best. They are more focused on what the partner IS doing and bringing than what they aren’t

I think this is wonderful news because it’s empowering. We can all choose to be in the action of being more loving and lovable

No ’one in a million’ lightning bolt required

I wish I didn’t know this from such long and deep personal experience but hey ho, I do because I was a pro level worrier for many years 😅

I thought my worry, overthinking and obsessing could solve problems but actually it created many more

As Einstein said ‘you can’t solve a problem with the same consciousness that created it’

What actually solves problems is the radical self-care of pulling our attention off the thing our mind is preoccupied by and coming into presence or embodiment or whatever you want to call the state of not being consumed in thought

I know, I know easier said than done, sometimes it’s like trying to take a bone from a ravenous dog; mind just doesn’t want to let go

It's not about doing it perfectly though, it’s just about the willingness to drop it and keep dropping it and the reminder that this worry DOES NOT WORK

Often for me, the only way to do that is to give my dog mind something else to focus on

Whether that’s calling a wise friend, exercising, breathwork, screaming loudly into a pillow or lying on the floor moaning

You know when you’re trying to think of something that is on the tip of your tongue and it just won’t come, but if you stop trying to think of the thing you’ve temporarily forgotten you suddenly remember it?!

It can be like that!

Sometimes the answer just comes, sometimes it comes through a conversation with someone else, sometimes it comes through a perspective shift, sometimes there isn’t an answer but experience reminds me that I’ve got through 100% of my bad days so far

And so have you

100% success rate is pretty good don’t you think?!

All the physical attributes that I got mercilessly teased for when I was a kid; being super tall (I’m now 6ft 2) having an uncontrollable mop of copper curls and freckles are literally the things I get complimented for pretty much daily as an adult!

As a kid I cried for years at night because I wanted to have blue eyes and blonde hair and be called Julia

There’d been 3 blue eyed blonde Julia’s at primary and junior school who were sporty, clever and popular and I’d decided that if I looked like them I’d be experiencing the same social and scholastic success. How sweet (and misguided) my little child brain was!

I still love all my blue eyed blondes and I also now love all the things about me that I cried for years to have taken away

It’s a funny old world isn’t it?!

Do you have anything that you didn’t like about yourself as a child that you now love about yourself?

When we shame, blame and criticise ourselves in our own minds we become the abuser

Although we have to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions to heal, that healing doesn’t come through shame, blame and criticism of ourselves

It comes from recognising that we are perfectly imperfect humans (just like everyone else)

And sometimes we do and say things that hurt other people

Sometimes those things are abusive and we need to make sincere amends

But we are continuing to be abusive if the current ‘victim’ is us

We heal when we decide that ‘doing no harm’ includes to ourselves

As ever it’s a process

From my years of working on myself and with others I can see that the fastest way to clean up with others is to be committed to cleaning up with ourselves

ARE YOU JOINING ME TOMORROW?!

Do you want to:

Gain a deeper understanding of how you re-create your past in present relationships?

Process and let go of old hurts and old ways of being in relationships?

Learn new relationship skills so that you can become an effective communicator and
experience deep connection?

Create a clear ‘Personal Growth Plan’ based on your new insights?

If so, I super recommend the KEEPING THE LOVE YOU FIND workshop taking place tomorrow
and Saturday at The Columbia Hotel, London, W2 and will be doing it as a participant myself!

DM me if you want further details

See you there!

All the love, Nx

If you’re ready for your relationship to feel more easeful, the Keeping The Love You Find in-person workshop on Friday 3rd and Saturday 4th March at a central London venue is for you!

Taught by my mentor in facilitating couples who has been a therapist for over 20 years and has a PhD in Attachment Theory, it’s going to be a transformational deep dive into dissolving the blocks and barriers to experiencing the love and intimacy your heart longs for

DM if you want to chat about whether you’re a fit. See you there 😁

Women! The way you receive a man is key to whether or not he’ll want to show up, lean in, love you and actualise his most successful self within your relationship

What do I mean by ‘receive a man?’

Acknowledging his greatness and wisdom, being affirming, respectful and appreciative of who he is and what he does both out in the world and for you, listening without jumping in and fixing etc. etc

What is not receptive?!

Being doubtful, cutting him off, complaining, criticising him, contempt, indirectly communicating negative feelings, superiority etc. etc

Men are different from us, as says ‘Men are not hairy women’

Our open hearted willingness to value them for what they *are doing* makes all the difference in having successful relationships with men

And I mean all relationships, with the men in our families, our friendship groups and our intimate partners

The way men love knocks my socks off on the regular

If this isn’t your experience with men and you ache for it to be so, I’m taking on three new 1:1 clients for the first time in almost a year so if you’ve felt the call to work with me, now is the time! For more info send me a DM 😁