Abundant Living Inc.

I want to tell you about a leader I worked with recently.

For two years, she’d been the most dependable senior leader in her company.
She was organized, proactive, and the person her boss barely had to think about.

Then, over six weeks, she started missing deadlines. Small mistakes crept in and she seemed scattered and forgetful.

Her boss’s first reaction was to think she’d gotten complacent or was checked out.

They tried addressing it directly, twice, and nothing changed until her boss asked a different question: “Is something happening that’s affecting your bandwidth?”

What her boss learned was that this team member's son had just been diagnosed with autism. The same week, her mother fell and broke her hip. She was averaging four hours of sleep a night and having panic attacks in her car before walking into the building.

She hadn’t lost her skill or her drive. Her nervous system was in crisis mode, and no amount of accountability was going to reach her there.

Without a high level of capacity for whatever you're doing, nothing works.

If this resonated, Issue #17 of The Permission Slip goes further.

Yesterday I shared the sequence I use now before I say yes to anything, and the story of the Christmas I really wish I'd used it.

The question I ask myself out loud before I answer: do I really, really want to do this?

If the honest answer is no, I say no. No six reasons attached to it and no over-apologizing. It's a clean no, said with warmth, that does far less damage to a relationship than a resentful yes ever does.

Missed the written issue? Grab it here: https://debbielawrence.ca/2026/08/26/the-bow-wasnt-big-enough/

Prefer to listen? The podcast episode is live on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and all major platforms. Search: The Compassionate Leader School.

What's the trunk sitting in your living room right now, the yes you're already resenting?

My boss told me there wasn't anyone else she could ask. That line did more work on me than the actual request.

This week's issue is about the December I spent hand-painting a 4-foot Christmas trunk for my boss's sister, on top of one of the busiest stretches of our year. I said yes in about 30 seconds and resented every hour of it. And when the bow wasn't big enough, I painted a second one.

Inside I explore why capable women who people please default to yes very quickly, the five-step sequence that turns a reflex yes into a thoughtful decision, and a client's story of saying no to a friend without losing her.

Read it: https://debbielawrence.ca/2026/08/26/the-bow-wasnt-big-enough/
Listen to it: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7lduk1l4nY17w6Iw8dOJHM

Already a subscriber? It's in your inbox now.

Not yet? Both links are open to everyone. Subscribe below to get every issue delivered directly to you.

Subscribe: www.debbielawrence.ca/signup

Tell someone you're exhausted from managing everyone's feelings on your team, and nobody bats an eye.

Tell someone you let a friend go because they weren't meeting the standard, and they lecture you on loyalty.

The broken playbook about how women who lead should behave rewards silent burnout and punishes clarity.

It's time to rewrite the playbook!

I want to tell you about a client of mine who ran a small cleaning services company.

Her team was eight people. Her very first hire was a close friend. She wanted everyone to feel like they belonged, were cared for, and like family.

She got exactly what she asked for, and it cost her.

She knew everything happening in her team's personal lives. She let performance issues slide because addressing them felt like turning on family. Meanwhile, her most reliable people kept getting asked to cover the gaps, and she started doing the work herself just to keep clients happy.

By the time she came to me, she was exhausted, and sitting inside a culture she'd built and could no longer take apart.

What changed things was clearer leadership starting with trading family rules for team rules, one conversation at a time.

Yesterday I shared the exercise I use with coaching clients when something lands that they can't change. It involves three circles, one sheet of paper, and takes no more than 15 minutes.

The client in the story started with more than 40 worries. She finished with 10 that were genuinely hers to act on.

Here's the version I use on myself, and it's just one question said out loud: where does this fall? Control, influence, or concern?

If it lands in concern, I put it down. I still know it's out there, the way you know the air conditioning is running without listening to it. What I don't do anymore is give it my best two hours.

Missed the written issue? Grab it here: https://debbielawrence.ca/2026/08/19/youre-spending-your-best-hours-in-the-wrong-circle/

Prefer to listen? The podcast episode is live on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and all major platforms. Search: The Compassionate Leader School.

What's the one thing you've been carrying this week that was never yours?

More than 40 things were keeping her up at night. Ten of them were hers.

This week's issue of The Permission Slip is about what happens when something big lands on you and you don't sort it. Instead, you hold all of it with the same grip including the parts you could act on today and the parts decided 1,787 kilometres away by people you've never met.

My client Juanita found out by email that her company was rolling out a new software system. She'd been consulted but the decision got made without her anyway, and she spent the next week running every possible version of it at one in the morning.

Inside this issue I share the three beliefs underneath that, all of which sound completely reasonable, and the three circles exercise that takes 15 minutes and a sheet of paper.

Read it: https://debbielawrence.ca/2026/08/19/youre-spending-your-best-hours-in-the-wrong-circle/
Listen to it: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4HagteL8TRPHJCwqTqwQf2

Already a subscriber? It's in your inbox now.

Not yet? Both links are open to everyone. Subscribe below to get every issue delivered directly to you.

Subscribe: www.debbielawrence.ca/signup

Your nervous system doesn’t distinguish between giving from a full cup and giving from an empty one.

It just registers the load.

And when that load is chronic, when it’s been going on for years, when it’s just become who you are and how you operate, the body adapts. It figures out how to keep functioning, how to keep showing up, and how to keep giving.

From the outside, that adaptation looks like strength when in reality, it's like bending a wire hanger. Eventually, it breaks.

You can avoid this by learning how to build your zone of resilience.

If you want to build a monthly check-in rhythm with your team, here is the simplest version to begin with.

🕰️ Once a month, block 60 minutes with each team member.

🎉 For the first 20 minutes talk about what went well, where they exceeded expectations and where something fell short. Come with specific examples, not impressions.

💪 The next 20 minutes is about feedback and development. What patterns have you been noticing? What skill should they be building? What do they need from you?

🎯 The last 20 minutes is focused on goal alignment. Where are they against their targets? What shifts going into next month?

One rule that makes all of it work: nothing in this check-in should be brand new information. If there's a problem, they already know about it.

The monthly check-in is for patterns, not surprises.

📤️ After every check-in, send a follow-up email as a summary. make it one paragraph about what you covered, what you agreed on, and what the priorities are for next month.

That email creates shared clarity and a record you'll be grateful for at annual review time.

Put on repeat!

Before any hard conversation, I check my nervous system state first. Here’s what that looks like in practice.

👉️ Before: Five e rounds of box breathing. Four counts in, four counts hold, four counts out, four counts hold. It signals to my nervous system that I’m safe before I walk into the room.

👉️ During: If I feel myself getting activated, I ask that we pause for a moment so I can slip away to a space where I can plant my feet and slow my breath, because slow breath signals safety faster than any thought does.

👉️ After: I decompress on purpose with a few lines in a journal, a call to a trusted friend, or music built for nervous system regulation (my favourite).

And I make myself acknowledge the hard thing I just did instead of rushing to the next task.

None of this replaces mindset tools. If anything, it’s what makes them usable, because they only work once you’re in a state of regulation.

Try it the next time you're in a high-stress situation. It's been a true difference maker for me