Tanya Hicks, Free 2 B Me - Reclaiming Human Sovereignty

500 Yoga NRG sessions today.

The original pic was when I started 2 years ago… and I remember how happy and grateful I was to be able to find a knee brace so sturdy that I could be active at all again without my knee constantly dislocating multiple times per day…

Because before that, my “specialists” told me I would never do anything more than a short walk again - no swimming, surfing, crossing my legs… even getting in and out of the car and out of chairs caused it to dislocate…

And already completely riddled with arthritis and a new H-EDS diagnosis I was told that “this is as good as it’s going to get”.

I’ve never been so grateful for my 🖕🖕attitude and PDA inability to relinquish autonomy over my life…

When it’s all taken away from you you realise that no one is coming to save you … and that you need to find accessible answers for where you are at right now… fail forward… rinse and repeat. But, you can find some pretty awesome people along the way 🤍

The fact that I’m also a yoga teacher now is just crazy.

Thank you Yoga NRG Mindfulness Training and the amazing community… there just isn’t the words 💋💋💋💋💋

I’ve learned something about meditation as an Autistic ADHD woman:

My mind doesn’t need meditation to be empty. It needs somewhere useful to put its attention.

For years, meditation was presented to me as sitting still, closing my eyes, focusing on my breath and somehow making my very busy brain go quiet.

Yeah… no. 😂

What I’ve discovered is that meditation works much better for me when I add something.

✨ A visual element - light, movement, a candle, flowing colours or something beautiful to rest my eyes on.

🎧 A sound element - music, nature sounds, crashing waves, flowing water, singing bowls, rhythmic sound or a guided voice.

Sometimes both.

And there’s some interesting science behind why this can work.

Meditation is fundamentally an attention practice. You give your attention an anchor, notice when your mind wanders, and bring it back.

Research suggests mindfulness practices can help with attention and executive functioning in people with ADHD, although the evidence is still developing and the size of the effect varies between studies.

But here’s the bit I find particularly interesting:

The breath doesn’t have to be the anchor.

Researchers have compared meditation using bodily, auditory and visual anchors and found substantial individual differences in what people preferred. Some preferred breath. Others preferred sound. Others preferred a visual image.

That makes so much sense to me.

When I give my busy brain a sound to follow and something visually engaging to rest on, I’m not “doing meditation wrong”.

I’m giving my attention enough structure to stay connected to the practice.

And perhaps that’s a much more useful way to think about meditation for neurodivergent people.

Not:

How do I force my brain to meditate the way meditation is usually taught?

But:

What conditions help my brain access meditation?

Because the goal was never to become really good at sitting still with your eyes closed.

The goal is finding a way of being present that your own nervous system can actually access.

Asking the hard hitting questions today 🤣🤣

Some people won’t understand why, as a grown-ass woman, I’ve been playing Dolly Parton all morning - crying, singing, dancing… and crying again.

And that’s okay.

Dolly Parton was a massive inspiration to me.

She was a master of being underestimated.

I remember people mocking her when I was younger. The hair. The b***s. The clothes. How “ridiculous” she looked.

Looking back, I wonder if they ever realised…

Dolly was running the joke.

She knew exactly what people said about her. I remember hearing her say, “I know I look ridiculous,” and wanting to defend her - NO YOU DON’T.

But then I got it.

She created it.

She created a version of herself that she liked being. She didn’t follow trends or need to become more respectable so people would take her seriously.

She made her own effing rules.

Dolly didn’t become unbothered because people stopped judging her.

She built a life where their judgement no longer got to decide who she was.

And THAT has always inspired me.

To create your own narrative. To know people may misunderstand or underestimate you - especially as you become more successful - and still be so secure that their opinion cannot take your freedom from you.

That idea is woven into FREE 2B ME.

Freedom isn’t becoming acceptable to everybody else.

It’s reaching the point where you no longer need to be.

Underneath those rhinestones was an extraordinary effing woman.

Her father couldn’t read, so she went on to put millions of books into children’s hands.

But what gets me most is that the world didn’t harden her.

She saw the s**t. She experienced the judgement. And she didn’t let it shrink her or make her less herself.

She just found a different way to sparkle through it.

Dolly, I wish I was more like you. I really do.

Some people will never understand the magnitude of what you did.

Sucks to be them.

I saw it.

And I’m so grateful I got to see you while you were still here - for who you actually were.

Thank you for showing us you can be underestimated without becoming small. Powerful without becoming hard.

You can know exactly what the world thinks of you…

and put on more rhinestones anyway. ✨

My heart has felt a bit broken for someone I have never met today.

There are never enough words for someone like Dolly.

She understood something so many women are punished for: you can be brilliant, powerful and wildly capable while looking exactly how you want to look. She made herself big, bright, feminine and unmistakable - on purpose. She saw the joke before anyone could use it against her, then built an empire from it.

Behind the rhinestones was one of the greatest songwriters, businesswomen and philanthropists of our time. But she never needed to trade warmth for authority, or softness for intelligence.

Dolly showed us that being underestimated can be a strategy -and that joy, generosity and self-authorship can be forms of power.

There is so much to say, but perhaps it comes down to this: thank you for showing so many people that they did not have to become smaller, plainer or harder to be taken seriously.

Rest beautifully, Dolly. The world is less sparkly without you.

😭😭😭😭😭😭

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