Lisa Alexander - Return to Wholeness

For a long time, we’ve rewarded humans for being good at things like: Productivity, Efficiency, Working harder & doing more.

But now we’re creating machines that can do many of those things better than us.

eventually we’re going to have to ask ourselves:
‘If a machine can outperform me at all the things I’ve been taught make me valuable… then what am I actually here for?’

The answer:
Your creativity, empathy, intuition & emotions.

And ironically -so many of us have spent years disconnecting from those parts of ourselves so we can become better at producing, achieving and functioning.

And I see more & more humans not being able to keep up and ‘perform’ like they’ve been taught to.
It’s not sustainable.

So i think it’s time that we let robots be robots.
And start expecting humans to be human.
That means teaching our children emotional intelligence & encouraging their creativity & intuition.
Reparenting ourselves as adults to learn this too. And start being the difference we want to see in the world.

Because functioning isn’t the same as living and
high output & and performance doesn’t guarantee health & happiness.

Because that’s a luxury your nervous system can’t afford when you’re busy surviving.
-managing.
-anticipating.
-carrying.
-adapting.
-getting through the day.
-holding it together

So instead, you keep going.
You push through the exhaustion.
You override the resentment.
You ignore the anxiety.
You tell yourself you’ll deal with it later.

And because you’re so capable, you often can.

For a while at least….

Until one day someone asks how you’re doing and you unexpectedly burst into tears.

Or your body starts amplifying symptoms you can no longer ignore.

Or your relationship & career start to fall apart/ despite you investing so much into them.

Here’s a fun fact #1:
those that are exhausted and overfunction are often the last people to realise how much they’re carrying.
Because they’ve become so skilled at continuing despite it.

Fun fact #2:
what wasn’t felt and dealt with….doesn’t disappear…..
It patiently waits until there’s finally enough space for it to be heard.

I know, because I’ve lived this….and unfortunately there was nothing fun about it.

Which is confusing because you assume you should feel better after the…

* relationship improves.
* children get older.
* project finishes.
* crisis passes.
* workload settles down.

And instead of feeling relieved…full of life & healthy -

You feel anxious.
Exhausted.
Emotional.
Flat.
Overwhelmed.
You get sick.

And you start wondering…

“What’s wrong with me?”

But often…truthfully …nothing is wrong with you.

What’s actually going on is:
for a long time, your nervous system was focused on surviving.

It prioritised getting through the day.
Managing the situation.
Holding everything together.

So there wasn’t much capacity left for processing what it was actually costing you or the impact it was having on you.

So you kept going.
And because you’re capable & you probably convinced yourself you were coping & that everything is fine.

Then the pressure eased.
The load lightened.

And suddenly your nervous system says:
“Hey… it’s time we talk about everything we’ve been carrying.”

Then…
Unexpectedly…
The tears arrive. So does the exhaustion, grief & anxiety.
Maybe even illness too.

For example- it often shows up like:

-finally going on holiday and getting sick. But you thought it was time to relaxed and enjoy life!

-Or your kids start going to school and you get sick or injured. But you thought it would be time to start prioritising yourself a bit more and start that new exercise routine or hobby!

This happens so often.
And this doesn’t happen because things are getting worse.
It happens because you’re finally safe enough to feel what was there all along.

People assume that once the heavy thing has lifted, they will feel an instant relief and life will all of the sudden be great.

But often, what needs to come first is you need to start finally feeling what you couldn’t afford to feel while you were surviving.
This needs to be met. Processed and worked through.
Then the relief will come.

That feeling of dread when you have to say no to someone.
Or that feeling of dread when it comes to that thing you said yes to - but you wish you said no to.

And here’s what’s interesting:
-it’s not that you don’t know how to say No.
and
-it’s not that your scared of actually having to say No.

You’re afraid of what will happen after you say it.

Because there’s a chance that the other person is going to be:
-disappointed & upset.
And
-they may feel rejected.

And maybe they won’t understand?
Or maybe they’ll think you’re selfish?
And maybe they won’t like you anymore?

It’s what comes after saying No, that feels more uncomfortable to you, than actually saying the word No.

You’ve spent so much of your life managing other people’s disappointment and trying to avoid it.
And you’ve invested so much energy being responsible for it.

So now life looks like:
-Saying yes when you want to say no.
-Dreading conversations
-Losing sleep over decisions that need to be made.
-Over explaining.
-Over justifying.
-Trying to find the ‘perfect’ way to phrase something so nobody gets upset.

And all the while, you’re carrying the weight of emotions that were never yours to carry.

Remember:
-if you have reasonable needs, standards & expectations.
And
-you express these in a mature and respectful manner.
Then
- the right people, jobs and situations will stay.

They’ll respond to your ‘No’ with respect and maturity.
Sure, they may be disappointed- but the right people will not think you’re selfish for saying no.
The right relationships will not crumble.
And the correct jobs & situations will evolve with you.

The moment you stop making other people’s reactions your responsibility…

life gets a whole lot lighter.