Talk 'n’ Tumble

Yes and yes for encouraging young hearts! Speak worth and value 💛

This is super important for us to grasp in order to help our little people thrive and love them well

Too often, I see children reprimanded when they're not able to control their behaviours and emotions. They’re expected to remain calm and happy, not get upset, not display anger, and quickly calm themselves down if they do get angry or upset. If they can’t do this, they may be referred to me for "self-regulation difficulties". ⠀
⠀
Here's the thing. Self-regulation is a developmental process. Just as we wouldn’t expect a child to run before they can walk, we cannot expect children to self-regulate until they’ve experienced co-regulation time and time again. And unless a child has had it modelled enough, and their brain has developed enough, they will not achieve regulation on their own.⠀
⠀
Have a think - when was the last time you heard a 3 year old say “I’m so angry my sister hit me! I need to calm down. I’m just going to take myself to the kitchen for a drink of water and do some deep breaths”.⠀
⠀
Co-regulation begins from birth. When babies are unsettled and we cuddle them, rock them, feed them - we are helping them to regulate.⠀
⠀
When toddlers are angry that they can't have the toy they want, and we empathise with them, sit with them, get them a drink - we are helping them to regulate.⠀
⠀
When preschoolers are upset because they're not ready to leave their playdate, and we listen and help them take deep breaths - we are helping them to regulate. ⠀
⠀
Self-regulation only BEGINS to emerge around 4-5 years. And whilst some 4-5 year olds may be able to regulate themselves, others may not be able to. Both are within the typical range of development. ⠀
⠀
True self-regulation is not fully established until our mid-twenties. Even then, we often turn to others to help us feel better when we are feeling low. And we are often quite happy to help other adults feel better when they're feeling low, however when children need our help, we may be reluctant to give it, perhaps in fear that we will stunt their emotional resilience (amongst many other understandable but unfounded fears).⠀
⠀
When we ask a child to regulate themselves before they're ready, we risk shaming them, affecting their self-esteem, and affecting their relationship with us. Co-regulation needs to come first.

You may not be able to help your child regulate 100% of the time, and that’s okay. Just know that they may not be ready to do it themselves.

I have been thinking a lot about all the parents out there these past few months and especially this week as your special little people venture back to school and kinder- and to those who are continuing at home, with your time coming hopefully not far off. I just wanted to take a moment to say, you are REMARKABLE. Whether you feel like the past few months doing school at home has felt like you've danced your way through or you've been gasping for air just trying to keep your head above water, or somewhere in between- You are amazing. You are courageous, patient, selfless and creative. I honour each of you and know that I am thinking of you and your family as you wade through the unknowns of the next step of this strange COVID journey. Here is a great little read as a reminder to keep being kind to yourself and your kids... stay curious and empathetic. Find a moment in the day to take a breath and remind yourself that you are loved my friends. Hopefully, see you soon!

Return to school. A trauma informed approach — Raft Psychology Over the past few weeks we have seen endless debate about whether schools should reopen. Facebook has become a hive of home schooling parodies and every man and his dog has posted homeschooling effectiveness tips. We’ve seen everything from the ‘just spend time together that’s more important t...