That Sweet Roar

I remember coming across this “pretend you’re excited” idea for stage fright when I was in the trenches.

I was willing to try anything.

The shaking was so bad when I sang in front of an audience that you could see the microphone swaying from the side to side. I was worried my knees would give out.

But it never worked for me.

It always felt like I was trying to convince my brain of something that was just obviously untrue.



So if you’re the same and this advice doesn’t seem to help you soften your performance anxiety either, here’s another suggestion.

I know we all just want the sensations to go away, to never have to feel any of that activation.

But that’s not how we get better at this.

The notion of “what we resist persists” is right. The more we fight it and label it as something that shouldn’t be there, the worse it gets.

Our job isn’t to get rid of this aliveness, it’s to get better at being with the discomfort. To build our capacity to experience it.

And this skill doesn’t only benefit you on the stage, in the audition and in the recording studio.

It’s a skill that will transform your life for the better.

You’re up there singing your heart out and then you notice someone grimacing or rolling their eyes, obviously judging you.

This can be a performer’s worst nightmare.
(Especially we they identify as a people pleaser)

We can spiral. Wondering what we did wrong, trying to figure out how we can morph or contort ourselves to make this person like us and our performance.

It can take an enjoyable performance and turn it into an existential nightmare where you question everything about yourself, your voice and your choices.

In this video I share my experience of when this happened to me recently and why I think it didn’t completely derail me like it used to.

There IS hope, I promise. 🙂

Music education at its best fosters both skill and confidence. Unfortunately this is not everyone’s experience.

This video is for the singers and musicians who came out of their music education without the love and enthusiasm for it that they went in with. 💔



If you have turned your back on your instrument and artistry for years, please consider rewriting this story.

I know firsthand the impact that competition, comparison and making the process heavy and serious can have on the creative spark.

Getting my university degree felt gruelling and pushed my self doubt to an all time high.

But I’m so glad I listened to my defiant streak that was telling me that this wasn’t the only way.



This interview and story from the ABC show ‘The Piano’ is a beautiful example of a woman who rewrote her relationship with her instrument.

Who went from not being able to play for decades, to grinning after a performance.



If it has felt like a piece of you has been missing - please do something about it.

Your younger self who was entranced by music and being able to create it with your own hands or voice is waiting for your permission, encouragement and defiance.

To reclaim the joy, curiosity and devotion that was chipped away by pressure, rules and unconstructive criticism.

And to the music educators who are doing it differently, with encouragement, compassion and heart - thank you. ❤️

Social karaoke nights > serious, high pressure student concerts.

I wanted to create an opportunity for singers to practice performing that felt welcoming and light-hearted (the opposite to what I experienced when I was young).

Luckily I teach PHENOMENAL people who are fun, encouraging and supportive so they pretty much create that for me.

(I only wish I could fly my interstate and international students to join in, they’d fit right in)



These nights are not about proving what you can do or how hard you’ve practiced, they’re about taking the stress out of performing and giving singers a safe space to try things out.

We even do karaoke roulette for those who have been coming for a while (people make requests based on what they think would suit your voice).

This video is a love letter to the amazing singers who have been a part of these nights for over a decade. I wish I had more vintage footage! ❤️

In every performer’s life there comes a moment (or many moments) where you doubt whether you can pull it off.

Call it imposter syndrome.
Call it biting off more than you can chew.
Call it stretching outside your current comfort zone or capability.

And it is both extremely uncomfortable and extremely rewarding.



This is how we grow as performers.

Through trying to bridge this awkward gap between where we are (and who we are) and where we want to be (and who we want to become).

The process is murky, non-linear and uncomfortable.

Because we’ve usually left what feels familiar and effortless and traded it for something we aren’t very good at yet.



Anne describes this perfectly in this interview about her transformation for her new movie Mother Mary and specifically her nervousness around her ability to pull off the dancing required.

She talks about how our perceived limitations attempt to hold us back from even trying, but if we can sign up for the clumsy journey and make our way through it - we can find that we were capable of so much more than we thought.

It doesn’t feel empowering as you’re wading through it, but it certainly does at the finish line.



I think this is one of the benefits of having a coach, when you’re moving through these transitions.

Having someone believe in you wholeheartedly while your identity is having a meltdown is incredibly stabilising and helpful.

They can stop you mid-spiral and guide your focus back to the small steps that are required to get there.



If you’re going through this right now (possibly questioning your life choices) know that you’re in the messy middle and doing something courageous that’ll spit you out a completely different singer.

You’ve got this.

Singers, your fear of rejection is not just keeping you off the stage and out of audition rooms, but it’s also causing you to micromanage your voice to please others.

I know because I’ve been there.

Recently I’ve been playing a game that is all about micro-dosing rejection so that I can build my nervous system’s capacity to be with it.

To rewrite the meaning that I made out of it way back when I was a kid.



Our capacity to handle disappointment, criticism and rejection as musicians, performers and artists really does determine how big, authentic and creative our lives get to be.

Watering down your expression in the hope that others will choose you, accept you and not judge you is (firstly utterly human but it’s also) sapping what makes you and your voice unique.

Because many of us are highly sensitive people, micro-dosing the things that activate our nervous systems is a way of building our resilience while also honouring how we’re wired.

I hope you’ll start exploring a variation of this game - let me know what you discover!

For all the singers and performers who are frustrated that their anxiety is sabotaging them on stage - please listen.

I know you just want it gone. I’ve been there.

But your frustration assumes that the logical, rational adult part of you who knows that performing on stage isn’t a matter of life or death is the one who is shaking like a leaf up there.

They’re not.

When you go into a fight, flight or freeze state, you lose most of your access to that rational part of your brain and can’t talk yourself off the ledge like you can when you’re cool, calm and collected.



So who IS in the driver’s seat?

Your nervous system is responding to a past memory where a similar situation was perceived as a threat.

For some this is a performance or presentation that went poorly when they were young.
They might see that incident as humiliating, stressful or scary.

For others it’s the reminder that they were “too much” or “too loud” or “too expressive” in their past.



When you shame yourself for being afraid or being “overly dramatic” in the present, it perpetuates this cycle.

This younger part of you needs to know that no matter the outcome, it is loved, accepted and enough.

This requires a complete pivot from the frustration and “I need to get rid of this” energy that most of us have with stage fright.

It requires your compassion, building your capacity to allow the sensations to be present in your body and doing what you can to soothe this part’s fear.



I know your inner overachiever may roll their eyes at the “babying” nature of this approach, but trust me, it is the kindest and fastest way to transform your relationship to performing.

AND will have knock on effects to your self-trust, confidence and resilience as a musician.