Joyful Being

I can’t claim this analogy as my own—it was shared with me by a supervisor many years ago, and it’s one I’ve returned to countless times with clients. And personally I find this so helpful as well 🫶🏻

Sometimes we spend years trying to find the perfect words to communicate our needs with family. This is done with the hope that if you just explain yourself differently, stay calmer, try harder, or become “easier”, they will finally understand you and meet your needs ❤️

But what if the problem isn’t you or your communication?

What if you’re trying to order a fruit salad at Bunnings?

It doesn’t make Bunnings a bad shop. It simply isn’t what they stock.

Sometimes family members may genuinely not have the emotional capacity, insight, safety, or skills to offer the understanding, validation, or support you’re longing for. And this can be incredibly painful to acknowledge 💔

Acceptance isn’t about saying, “This is okay that my needs are not being met.”

It’s about recognising reality so that you can stop exhausting yourself trying to get something from a family member who simply isn’t able to provide it.

Then comes the important part: actively finding your fruit shops.

The people, places, and communities that can offer empathy, safety, connection and meet your needs ❤️

Sometimes the most compassionate thing we can do—for ourselves and for others—is to stop expecting and trying to order a fruit salad from Bunnings, and start looking for a fruit shop instead 🍎 🍇 🍊

Birth Trauma Awareness Week 🤍

When we think about birth trauma, we often think about the healing needed afterwards.

But we also have an opportunity to reduce the risk of trauma before birth.

Working collaboratively with , the amazing team of midwives, physiotherapists and reception staff my role is to support families psychologically throughout pregnancy, birth and the early postnatal period.

Together, this may include:
✨ EMDR Intensives to process previous birth trauma, pregnancy loss or tokophobia.
✨ Neuroaffirming, trauma-informed birth planning that honours sensory needs, communication preferences, consent and preempts any possible triggers.
✨ Continuity of psychological support before and after birth when needed on the postnatal ward in the hospital.

Every person’s response to birth makes sense in the context of what they’ve experienced and any earlier life experiences. By working together as a multidisciplinary team, we can create care that helps families feel heard, informed and safe.

Healing matters, but more importantly prevention matters too 🤍

Sadness is not trauma!

Clinical words like trauma have very specific meanings, and I think social media is starting to pathologise normal human emotion in ways that are making parents terrified of being imperfect.

Please know that a tough Monday night where you might have lost your patience does not equal lifelong trauma for your child.

In these moments your child does not need your perfection.
They need your repair. An acknowledgement of what they are feeling and an apology if you overreacted.

A hard moment will not become the whole story of their childhood.

I’m going to say something deeply hypocritical as a psychologist on Instagram:

Please don’t follow parenting advice on Instagram too closely.

Some of it has parents trying to sound like emotionally regulated meditation apps while raising children in actual real life.

Perfectly calm voices.
Perfectly regulated responses.
Perfect therapy-script parenting in the middle of very human moments that are actually really hard. Without ever feeling anything but calm.

Real life is actually messy.
Parenting is triggering.
And humans have feelings.

Your child does not need you to be a perfectly calm parent.
They need a real one. Showing them how to live in the mess of life.

The work isn’t never getting overwhelmed. That is an impossible expectation.
The work is learning more about yourself, understanding your feelings, and repairing with kindness when things get messy.

I wish people would aim for healthy parenting vs perfect parenting ❤️

Turns out my VA, Mel, used to do admin support for my husband… who is an electrician ⚡️

This was not a crossover I saw coming!