The George Street Journal

It’s been more than a month since our last article. Dear readers, did you miss us? We missed you more. But fret not! New semester, new us. To kick things off, we are breaking and exiting the fourth wall with intent to explore a timeless philosophical quandary!

With semester 2 officially set to kick off in a week, I find myself confronted by a daunting dilemma that demands a decision. One that could dictate the trajectory of my semester as I know it. When ISSAC’s simply won’t suffice, I turn to you dear readers. My closest confidants.

Can I really be fu**ed to go in for week 1 just to hear about academic integrity from 4 different lecturers?

After spending the last six weeks telling my parents that I had some serious uni work to do over the break, it may indeed be time to commit to the bit and return to making university my entire personality. But long gone are the days of first year. There’s no shot I’m arriving to the lectures 20 mins early to copy down the PowerPoints. Speaking of PowerPoints, I can very well guess that the semester overview will be scraped together from the introductory modules on Canvas.

Next there’ll a revision of the academic integrity policy. Then comes the policy on Gen AI (plot twist: we can’t use it). There’s actually no need to bother with either of these disclaimers however, as they will most certainly be copy-pasted into every email you are sent for the rest of semester. We might even commence with some completely irrelevant historical background that will not be assessed in any way. Then the cherry on top is a recommendation for an $180 textbook that I would pirate source online if I actually intended to read it.

Accordingly, I’ve come to the conclusion that copy-pasting the unit outline into a fresh Word doc would be equivalently productive, and hopefully enough to start building the momentum I need for my academic comeback.

Next week I might debate whether week 2 is all that necessary either, especially since the class rolls haven’t been marked since Torts.

If you have an opinion you wanna share, feel free to trauma dump in an email to [email protected]!

POLL: Is it worth going in for Week 1 Lectures?

As we come to the end of another gruelling semester, so too we come to another Let’s Get Rekt. Third-year law student Will Yuri-Ply is persevering yet again at trying to find “the love of his life” and “a partner to lead his law firm with”.

Last semester, his determined use of the ol’ faithful pickup line “I’m a future judge” landed him a record-breaking 18 rejections in 2 hours. This time, with an extra 0.2 on his GPA and another $8,000 in HECS debt, the hopeless romantic is trying to change it up.

While other party goers exchange Instagram handles, Will has now taken to something less confrontational for his fifth time round: business cards that tell a girl everything she needs to know.

“It’s revolutionary, really. I’ve got my name and GPA listed and then there’s a QR code on the back which takes them directly to my LinkedIn profile.” he said. “I can maximise consumer outreach by sliding them across tables and slipping them into pockets!”

Little does he know, women’s clothes don’t come with pockets.

“For some reason no one seems to see the potential in a young changemaker such as myself. It’s their loss anyway. I’m sure they’ll all come crawling back when they see me land my Big 6 clerkship. Ever heard of an Eagle Street Cowboy?”

Our correspondents spoke to one of his long time romantic casualties and this is what she had to say:

“Last time he bought me like five drinks… but if the margs keep getting me fu**ed up then who am I to say no? Best believe if he tries anything weird I’m bringing it up at his admission.”

Insiders suggest that Will is considering turning to the attractive (and humble) GSJ editor for advice on how to get some. But not even we know if he can be saved.

Will there be more to come? Will this creep get aired out on QUT Love Letters? Tune in next semester to find out.

WHERE ARE THE CAMERAS: Last Friday, Canvas s**t itself.

Thousands of students were left in limbo without any way to access content during the School of Law’s worst wave of assessments we’ve seen since this time last semester.

When asked if this might actually be bad enough to warrant special consideration, a HiQ spokesperson told our correspondent to go f**k themselves, adding that students would instead need to obtain a stat-dec from one of the hackers and a 20-page report outlining all the work that they intended to complete during the half-day blackout.

For many people, the outage forced a hiatus from the degree and an opportunity to touch grass.

But for 19-year-old Ima Fale, it meant tragically postponing her long awaited academic comeback.

The contracts student reportedly spent the better part of the week informing mates, tutors, and her family group chat that she was preparing to “lock in” for her “winter arc”.

“I made a strategic move to ignore content for the past few weeks so I could devote my time to the assignments.” she said.

“Even a 5% redrafting task can be the difference between a 6 and a 7 in the long run.”

“Every assignment she’s submitted this semester has been during the 48 hour extension and that’s usually after our groupchat sends through the answers.” one insider corrected.

Eye-witnesses reported that after opening her laptop, ducking to the bathrooms, emptying her wallet at the Food Court, and booking a booth in the Lawbry, Fale was mere moments away from opening the week 3 module when disaster struck.

“The matrix keeps trying to hold me down,” she said whilst packing up to head to the Bot Bar. “But best believe the winter arc resumes the second Canvas comes back online.”

Despite being informed that Canvas went back up at roughly 3:30pm that same day, she insists the comeback must be postponed until next week minimum, “as the hackers intended.”

Likely not much more to come.

LAW BALL THREAD 🔥🔥🔥 let’s get mooning

Preparations are in full swing this week for the annual Met Gala, but with the cost of a ticket totalling close to a law graduate’s HECS debt, it’s no wonder fashion icons across the globe have turned their eyes to Brisbane for a more ‘real world’ event: the QUTLS Law Ball.

Insiders are reporting that comparison between the two functions has left Hollywood “absolutely fu**ed”, confirming that two can play the game of obscure themes and insanely fast ticket sales.

Celebs on the Gala’s organisational committee include the likes of Sabrina Carpenter, Venus Williams and apparently Amazon’s Jeff Bezos (yes, I did my research for this article). Yet absolutely none of them have anything on the hotties on the QUTLS committee, and especially not the hundreds of attendees that will again be wearing the only suit they own.
Eager to learn more, our correspondents confronted some of the future attendees.

“I don’t wanna overdo it, the dress code still says formal.” said second-year Valley rat Dill Enwrong. “The theme should complement the outfit, not define it. That’s why I’m just gonna reuse the same suit I wore to Junior Moot. Year 11 semi-formal. Nan’s funeral. It’s called adaptability, and that’s the kind of buzzword you put on clerkship applications.”

Another guy, Tuck C. Dough, was asked about his suit’s evident lack of drycleaning despite it being stained by three law ball’s worth of drinks.

“Mate this isn’t some peasant Tarocash okay? I’m gift wrapped in Peter Jackson.” the 22-year-old said. “Drycleaning is for moot club wankers, and even if it wasn’t, I’m pretty sure alcohol is a disinfectant.”

Many are pointing out the Gala’s dress code of “fashion is art”, which is incredibly confusing and reminiscent of last year’s scenes of law students sloshed out over fallen tables.

The Law Ball’s theme however is brimming with potential for those who should have been taking a fashion degree at Kelvin Grove. Dubbed “Under the Full Moon,” this weekend is expected to showcase bold interpretations of the lunar cycle, which students have been able to experience plenty of during all-nighters through the recent assessment period.

Read more at thegeorgestreetjournal.com

Attendance at an 8:00am guest lecture in the week before last hit a semester-record-low of 12 students, with many beginning to recognise them as the ethically and morally charged filler episodes of the law degree.

After the Canvas notification dropped that the Week 6 content would not be taken by the usual lecturer, LLB veteran Paige Turner darted out of the library to return to her Bot Bar revelry, resting assured of tomorrow morning’s sleep in.

“Yeah I’ve been around long enough to know they never examine anything from guest speakers, and I have absolutely no interest in any further learning.” the 20-year-old said. “I’m sure I can take a gander in week 13 to check if there’s anything worth having in my notes”.

Unfortunately for chumps like Paige, and the GSJ Editor himself, it just so happened that the guest lecturer in question was an exam-season oracle.

“We got to the fourth slide and she said ‘this would make a great exam question,’” recounted one student. “We assumed she was taking the p**s but it just kept going.”

Insiders report that by the end of the 90 minutes, students were able to copy down a ten page outline of likely exam questions and a verbatim script for the unit coordinator’s preferred version of ISSACs.

“It got to the point where she was just reading out a statement of law really slowly, multiple times.” another attendee confirmed.

The unprecedented information dump has triggered the launch of a cohort-wide trade operation, with those few attendees quickly assuming the role of black market merchants.

Graciously fitting us into his newly busy schedule of accepting bribes, our reporter was able to approach one of the ringleaders (who wished to remain anonymous for his safety) for comment.

Read more at thegeorgestreetjournal.com