Rach Wilson - Relationship Coach For Couples With Neurodiverse Kids

The breakup rate for couples raising neurodiverse kids is somewhere in between 60 - 80% (exact numbers are hard to nail down), and it’s really no wonder when you start to look at why…

And if you add at least one neurodiverse adult into the equation, the odds of breakdowns and breakups increase. As a partner helping to raise our neurosparkly and often neurospicy kiddos, and being ADHD myself, I know all too well how easily things can go sideways and how much the relationship can suffer…

So I’m here to help you as much as I can, while still juggling this life alongside you.

Check out Sage AI Relationship Mentor - It’s basically a 24/7 accessible version of me and then some. Sage is a communication tool, a sounding board, and a very well-educated relationship mentor in the moments you need it most!

Links are in my bio.

riserelationships

If you know, you know!

For couples raising neurodivergent kids, and who may be neurodivergent themselves, the extra load, pressure and exhaustion is NEXT LEVEL!! So it is any wonder 60-80 % of relationships in this situation buckle and fall apart under the load?!?

Communication gets harder, quality time gets less, frustration and exhaustion skyrocket and suddenly approaching your partner with something you’re upset or frustrated by is like trying not to wake a sleeping baby that you still have to put back into bed…!

So instead of trying harder, and still failing, I built a relationship saving app that helps do the calm communication part for you. It helps you work out what you’re feeling and why, and then how to word it so it lands gently!

Check out the links to Sage AI in my bio. When you’re tapped out, it’s ok to use accommodations that help you bridge the gap, just like we find accommodations and tools for our kids.

hen you have neurodiverse kids, regular things that parents just have to do as par for the course, just aren't as simple...

Corey gets to start kindy (pre-school) next year but in addition to all of the regular questions and forms we had to fill in, we have to notify them that she's autistic and has speech apraxia because some places won't take kids with labels or they already have too many and can't get more resources.

If she's accepted then it's time to cue the additional load...

After that, they need me to email them in the reports and diagnosis letters for her so that they can fill out their extra forms and request an additional support resource for her class to support her.

After that we get extra forms to fill out that describe her particular struggles and what we do to help her. These forms can be quite lengthy and take a while to fill in...

Once she starts at kindy, I'll spend extra time helping her adjust to the new environment.

I'll spend lots of extra time with her teachers helping them to get familiar with her signs and language so they can understand her, as well as the warning signs that she's struggling, stuck on a fixed idea she can't let go of and what to do when she's in a meltdown or a rage, because the usual ways of handling it will only make it worse and she could hit out at them or other kids.

There are just so many additional things we have to think about, inform people of or do, over and above the usual things we have to do as parents...

So overall, yay for extra support and people who WANT to be and provide the best environment for her, boo to the extra work and hoops it takes to get through just to enrol her in a simple kindy. Something I took for granted as being easy when we had Kadi and Tylah.

I have come to accept that these things won't be clear cut and will have additional work for us.

When you look at this face, the reward in it is seeing that face smile, hearing her laugh and knowing she's happy.

I share this so those of you who don't have kids with high or special needs can get a glimpse into the life of your friends who are like us.

Awareness leads to compassion and we need more compassion in this world ❤️

So while Jaks has the beginnings of a chest infection, this little one was just running a bit extra warm this morning.

Her cough (which she’s had for months), sounded a bit worse and since I was getting Jaks checked, figured it would be worth just making sure her cough hasn’t gone to her chest…

Turns out she has a decent bout of tonsillitis 😳 She hasn’t given us any communication or indication that anything was hurting, she carried on mostly normally but not requested food, just bottles, which she does some days!

With her speech being extra difficult for her plus us having a lot of difficulty understanding her, it’s possible she tried to tell us in a way we completely missed but am really not sure 🤷🏼‍♀️

What is does potentially show is that she has a high pain threshold like her brother… The Dr said that any other kid would have been complaining by now… poor bubba!

Glad we got her checked because now, 6 hours later, her temp has spiked and now she’s miserable 😭 Drugs already on board so hopefully she feels better in the morning ❤️

Send prayers and healing for this little munchkin too please 🙏

Sick… again. This kid just can’t catch a break, at least not for long 😭

We’re working on rebuilding his gut health and trying to boost his immunity but it takes time and multiple supplements that we struggle, or can’t, get into him.

He has very restricted oral acceptance so new foods, and anything that has to go in his mouth, has numerous tests it has to go through to be accepted.

And if we put something in a syringe he doesn’t like, we run the risk of ALL things we put in a syringe, being rejected 🙁

So today we could use all your prayers and healing, and calm vibes particularly for the Dr’s visit. Last time we went he gave himself a blood nose he hurt himself so bad trying to get away.

We can’t delay it though… He’s got a cough and we can’t risk it developing into pneumonia again!

May today be easier on us both and may whatever he has be quick and easy to heal!

Thank you all in advance for your support again ❤️🙏❤️

Well after the last 2 weeks of caring for a sick little boy, everything that happened in Emergency and the various traumas experienced, being in hospital and the load of being ON for most of it, the split shifts between there and home with the other 2, the disrupted sleep and regular anxiety...

It's time for my body to catch up. Not that I'm getting much of a choice lol.

The respiratory virus the kids all had, that I thought I'd escaped, was just waiting until I was no longer needing to be ON and after getting home yesterday and finally relaxing, it got me.

So today is a bed day for me. Time for my body to process everything, to allow any emotions to surface and be processed from the trauma and anything else it's been holding onto that I haven't taken the time to feel.

This is such an important process... I call it a "defrag" and it's critical for the mental, emotional and physical health of anyone who has a life that has ongoing trauma - special needs parents, people caring for high needs loved ones whether they are sick or disabled in some way, and I'm sure many others but I'm so tired I apologise if I've missed you...

Most people don't take the time to defrag so the ongoing trauma, physical, mental and emotional load continues to build and steal the joy and happiness out of life. It can truly break you.

So this is me taking my own advice and shutting down for at least today, to take some quiet time and feel into the last few weeks, allowing it all to pour out and I may just binge on some NCIS in between ❤️

Rach out.

JAKSON UPDATE: We are headed home! Drip is out, hands are free, no more toe monitor or nurses touching him and he’s happy (not that his face is telling you that but trust me, he’s happy!). Fresh nappy on but OMG does he need a shower.

We have antibiotics for a few more days but Mum will be getting onto gut health stuff to get him back to good, knowing how easily his goes out.

He’s eating better today, making his happy and squelchy cricket noises (he only does these when he’s feeling better) and getting pretty active with the iPad (which will seemingly only be available in hospital and disappear for home).

He’s got enough energy to throw toast onto the floor and to discern the good pieces from the rejects to know which ones to throw away, so yay for having enough energy to care!!

He’s still not 100% and we’re expecting a few slower days ahead but day by day getting back to his normal self. Hopefully back to School early next week even if only for a few half days to start with. His teacher is missing him after all.

So thank you all again for your prayers, your healing, the support you have sent, asked for on our behalf or given over this time. I truly value each and every one of you for being a part of my network and village, and caring so much about us. Much love to you and your families too.