24/08/2026
Blackwood Masters v Riverland Superdogs AFL Masters Football Club– Match Report – Round 11
Goal Kickers: Beston10, Naf 2, Charlie 1, King 1, Simmo 1, Wallsy 1, Eggers 1, Cheese 1, Brooka 1
Historically there has never been an official match report written for the annual Riverland trip. Not because nobody could be bothered. Not because there wasn't enough material. Quite the opposite. For decades all records relating to Blackwood's annual pilgrimage to Lyrup remained sealed under strict confidentiality agreements, legal advice and insurance policies. Fortunately, earlier this week a judicial inquiry overturned those restrictions and the archives were finally released, finally permitting future match reports to be published.
Every great club has traditions. Some clubs have honour boards. Some have life memberships. Some have premiership reunions. Blackwood has life-size cardboard cut-outs of absent club legends. Whether this is done to honour their contribution or simply take the absolute p**s out of them remains the subject of debate. This year's inductee was to be the King of Coromandel himself. Upon hearing the whispers, His Majesty promptly changed return flights from the United States and flew home to avoid eternal cardboard humiliation. Outstanding commitment. Unfortunately, once you're nominated, you're nominated. The cut-out committee is ruthless.
Another proud Riverland tradition is the awarding of the coveted Jon "Best And" Ferris Medal, presented annually to the weekend's poorest performer. The award was established following Ferris' all-time effort last year when he consumed enough mid-strength cans during the drive up to be tucked safely into bed by approximately 7:30pm.
The bookies had Wu as a raging favourite leading into this year's event. Sadly, he and several other hopefuls withdrew late due to family commitments and kids' sporting finals. Admirable? Perhaps. Acceptable? Absolutely not. The market was thrown into turmoil. Betting agencies scrambled. Who would claim the prestigious B&F crown?
Jon took the wheel for the trip north this year while Ganey settled into the passenger seat and immediately began attacking the supply of 3.5's. Strong early form. Elite tempo. He rocketed into early favouritism. On arrival at Renmark, not to be outdone, Big Coops arrived and began to bridge the consumption gap with his great mate. It quickly looked like a two-horse race.
Then came Flynny. Sensing weakness amongst the leaders, Flynny launched a series of skull-off challenges in an attempt to land the knockout blow. Head-to-head they went. The sort of performance usually reserved for elite athletes. Flynny appeared to have claimed his scalps, but did he?
There was some concern when neither the Skip nor Coops were sighted for nearly half an hour. Upon returning, Coops had somehow transformed himself. Gone were the daytime trackies and thongs. In their place appeared evening wear trackies and New Balance’s. Hello ladies, the Riverland social scene had been warned.
With Ganey's return refreshed with a second wind and increasing his presence as the night's serial pest, his hand on the trophy was slipping away. Solid performance shown from the Skipper. No chance he was winning the trophy this year.
Ohh no. Jon Best And Ferris was losing steam and reportedly ordered $100 worth of McDonalds to be delivered to his room, earning a second nickname in "McJonalds". Then it was confirmed the B&F OG had gone to bed, already, before 10pm. Back in the lead to win his own award and become a two-time B&F?
One report released from previous years revealed that club president Littles (who also was a high-profile absentee this year) discovered a loophole in hospitality legislation whereby after approximately 100 scotches a venue becomes legally obligated to produce cheese toasties. Following the success of that initiative, community service has now been fully outsourced to Tooch and Eggers.
Room 47 again became one of South Australia's premier late-night dining establishments. Tooch operated as maître d', host and floor manager while Eggers was condemned to life as the kitchen apprentice, punching food out faster than the McDonalds burger flipper trying to finish Jon's massive order. Complimentary night caps of Jamo's with a cheese toastie, although a fantastic idea at the time, the reflux the next day suggested otherwise.
Meanwhile, a special community shoutout goes to Tys. While some blokes spent the evening socialising, our resident plumbing auditor conducted a comprehensive inspection of every toilet and urinal within the district. Reports suggest all facilities underwent multiple assessments and were found fully operational and fully digitally documented with copies released to the group.
Then there was apparently a football game scheduled.
Sunday morning arrived with all the grace of a sledgehammer. Busted heads emerged slowly from hotel rooms. Everyone in a state somewhere between dusty and second-hand. We are all about professional preparation so thankfully the BBQ breakfast was waiting. Bacon. Eggs. Coffee. Powerade. Nurofen. Panadol. Nurofen. Panadol. Slowly life returned to the group. Well, most of the group.
Flynny was in all sorts. In fact, breakfast proved to be the last confirmed sighting.
His intended destination was Lyrup Oval. Somewhere between breakfast and the ferry crossing he vanished entirely. Multiple theories have emerged. A wrong turn. Heatstroke. Fishing expedition. Abduction. The current theory remains that his head simply fell off while crossing the ferry and has floated down the Murray towards Paringa.
The search continues. If located, he remains the overwhelming favourite for the 2026 Jon "Best And" Ferris Medal after heroically sacrificing himself trying to take down Ganey the night before.
As the remaining 19 survivors arrived at Lyrup, the sight was magnificent. Blue skies. Perfect weather. And an oval of such ridiculous proportions the boundary line was so far away several players considered packing the esky before leading into the pockets.
Near the boundary sat a battered cricket bat and a heavily dog-chewed tennis ball. Naturally this immediately became a bigger attraction than the football itself. The King of Coromandel seized the moment. Cover drives. Pull shots. Elite. Long live the King.
As for the footy an example of how well we were going, Tooch pulled on the jumper, socked pulled up, boots laced and about to run out only to realise he had forgotten to put his shorts on. Deplorable. But then, wow, Blackwood delivered one of its best performances of the year. Considering everyone still stunk of b**r, toasties and poor decisions, it was bloody impressive. The midfield dominated. The backline repelled everything. And the forwards absolutely dined out.
Special mention must go to the self-proclaimed Riverland Specialist, The Weapon. Long-time readers will know he once kicked seven goals at Lyrup. How do we know? Because he tells absolutely everyone. Every year. Every trip. Every opportunity. Another Riverland legend that did not show up and has now handed the keys to another spearhead.
What a performance. The Blackwood Intersport Award went to OG Best And Ferris following a ridiculously dominant ten-goal performance.
Unstoppable. However, it was a day of silver-service delivery. Miraculously even handing a few off. Think he got tired.
The Broadway Hotel Award went to Nappies. There were early concerns after Nappies spent several days in the Riverland with the family and still managed to arrive only minutes before the opening bounce. Despite this marathon preparation, he was once again enormous. Strong in the air, strong on the ground and generally about as easy to move as a brick retaining wall.
The Lenox Ave Award went to Bolts, who quietly accumulated possessions all day on a wing so wide nobody could be bothered chasing him. Bolts also deserves historical recognition as the original bearer of the title "Sq**rt" before Sq**rt 2.0 inherited the mantle. During an earlier Riverland campaign, Bolts spent equal periods playing football, p**sing while sitting down in the sh***er and hiding deep in defence with his thumb firmly up his clacker and praying he didn't fertilise Lyrup Oval unexpectedly.
Finally, before we finish, a special mention must go to the Lyrup changerooms. Magnificent. Modern clubs waste millions on useless luxuries such as comfort, functionality and privacy. Lyrup has resisted all attempts at improvement.
The showers remain gloriously communal. None of these modern cubicles and privacy screens. Just old-school football culture operating exactly as it should. Three shower heads servicing an entire playing group encourages teamwork and camaraderie, although at the risk of copping a stream of warm p**s on your leg.
Directly adjacent the showers was a waist-high brick ledge beside the urinal that doubles as a bar to place your b**r, discussion area and meeting room. Honestly, it's the sort of multifunctional thinking modern architects dream about.
The plumbing arrangement appears to have evolved naturally rather than being intentionally designed. One pipe enters a wall. Another emerges from the floor. A third simply disappears. My favourite feature was the innovative drainage system. Water from the hand basin joins forces with shower runoff before creating a glorious cocktail of sweat, mud, spit, p**s, snot, sunscreen and regret which meanders gracefully between everyone's toes on its journey toward the lone drain in the middle of the showers. Perfect.
The carpet appears to date somewhere between the moon landing and Razor's first Masters game. Soft underfoot? Absolutely. What exactly is embedded within the plush after decades of footballers is a question best left unanswered.
Don't change a bloody thing. 4.5 stars. Heritage list it immediately.
A fantastic weekend away, a ripper game on the field, outstanding shenanigans off it and another glorious chapter added to the ever-growing Riverland files.
See you Tuesday night for $3 b**rs, lies, exaggerations and selective retellings of events.
AFL Masters National
AFL Masters SA
2026 Sponsors:
🙏 Radical Torque Solutions Pty Ltd
🥩 Blackwood butchers
📸 Black Canvas Photographers
💍 James Thredgold Jeweller
🍕 Blackwood pizza bar
❄️ ACERair
🏡 Rosie & Rosie
☕️ Lenox Avenue ADL
🍻 Broadway Hotel
🥔 Mitolo Family Farms
🏉 INTERSPORT Blackwood
👐 Back in Balance Chiropractic
💚 Catherine Hutchesson MP
🔧 Plastics Hub
📞 dbi communications
⚒️ Adelaide Plains Fabrication
