Couples Help

How do you tell the difference between a familiar love and a safe love? Nozipho Tshabalala asked this important question during our discussion on her After The Fires podcast.

Many years ago when I started this work, my passion was working with couples who are in a good space, those on the upward trend of love. But over the last ten years in my practice, I’ve worked intensely with relational trauma. Couples who are struggling, couples who are stuck, and couples who simply don’t have the words anymore.

One of things that saddens me the most is this: Our brains don’t automatically choose what is healthy for us, they choose what is familiar to us. 🧠💔

In Episode 2 of the podcast, I sat down with Nozipho Tshabalala to discuss this in depth.

🎧 Listen to the full episode now - https://youtu.be/njVRhUKY8xg?si=Jb4SxLoloeJ0TD56

Really enjoyed this candid conversation with therealnozi about what it takes to build a love that heals.

The entire episode is available on youtube, you can view it here: https://youtu.be/njVRhUKY8xg?si=7c2dqlqKoU8MWxX8

Thank you, Nozi!

Your brain isn’t always choosing what’s best for you. It’s often choosing what’s familiar.

Healing begins when we recognise that familiar patterns aren’t always healthy ones. The courage to choose differently is where transformation starts.

What familiar pattern are you learning to let go of? 💭

Today, I had the privilege of visiting GROOTfm 90.5 and discussing toxic relationships with Sarina.

One of the topics we explored was control. What it looks like, how it slowly erodes freedom, and what happens when a relationship shifts from love to control.

Healthy relationships can only live in a space where freedom and choice exist. Control is never a sign of love.

Listen to the full interview in Afrikaans here: https://iono.fm/e/1692710

'n Voorreg om vanoggend met Sarina te gesels oor toksiese verhoudings en waarvoor om uit te kyk. Volg die skakel onder vir die volledige gesprek.

Dankie GROOTfm 90.5 dat julle die lig skyn op belangrike temas soos hierdie. ❤️

It takes courage to fight for love and keep the love we’ve found.

I have the deepest respect for every couple I meet. One of the things I have learned through many conversations with couples in therapy, is that our partners deserve our intentful best energy - as when we were dating.

Think about it for a moment and see the changes in your relationship when you look at each other in a different way. You have done it before, you can do it again. 😉

The truth is, as much as my wife and I love and need our date nights, grand gestures and fancy nights out don’t happen for us nearly as often as we’d like. For us, it’s all about the small, daily touch points that keep us connected in the spaces between those big dates.

I think here’s a challenge for all of us, to stay connected in the small moments of togetherness.