Double Scrum & Brandy

Drop your predictions before the anxiety fully sets in. Mine is officially locked, loaded, and backed by zero science.

So as per normal here are my views on yesterdays game.

Well, well, well. Turns out when you show up to a rugby match and actually catch the ball, good things happen. Who knew???

New Zealand strolled into Ellis Park, weathered a scrum barrage that was presumably meant to be intimidating, and then proceeded to remind everyone why they're a world-class championship team by doing wildly complicated things like holding onto possession and finishing tries.Revolutionary stuff!!

First win there since 2022, and they made it look like a light training run against a team currently ranked number one in the world, so credit where it's due: the class of 2026 clearly did not get the memo that they were supposed to be nervous.

South Africa, for their part, brought their trademark scrum dominance and absolutely nothing else useful to go with it. Five tries to one is not a scoreline, it's a personality difference. The Boks spent so much time knocking on, fumbling offloads, and generally treating the ball like it owed them money that by the time two of their players found themselves in the sin bin, the whole affair had the tidy shape of a slow-motion implosion rather than a rugby match. Truly a masterclass in how to dominate territory and still lose by seventeen points.

Special mention to Malcolm Marx, who managed to knock the ball on short of the line despite Jordie Barrett doing him the enormous favour of forcing the error in the first place, and to the Springbok scrum-half who got charged down at a restart, gifting Fabian Holland the easiest try of his international career. Chef's kiss.

Foooook

Meanwhile Will Jordan casually collected a brace like he was picking up groceries, Josh Moorby atoned for an early miss with a finish so clean it looked rehearsed, and Luke Jacobson wandered over from close range after Damian McKenzie sliced through the middle like the South African defence had stepped out for a coffee. New Zealand even had the audacity to start calling for scrums late in the second half, just to make sure everyone understood the natural order had been fully restored.

So congratulations to the All Blacks. Thirty years after Sean Fitzpatrick's side won a series here, this vintage has opened with a statement so loud it barely needed the extra volume from two yellow cards. South Africa will no doubt regroup, recalibrate, and rediscover the ability to catch a rugby ball before the next Test. Until then, we will have to enjoy the view from second place from our own backyard.

Congrats All Blacks

Peace

Rassie being Rassie

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Good old rugby banter 😂 No harm, no foul

So as per normal here are my thoughts on last nights game.

🇿🇦 SPRINGBOKS 17–10

Well, would you look at that.

The Boks went to Buenos Aires, survived an "absolute war" (their words, not mine, though the scoreline suggests more of a bar fight that went to decision)

Well… that wasn't exactly a rugby masterclass. Boks were smashed hard at times.

13 changes, very little rhythm, questionable kicking, a few “WHAT THE F ARE WE DOING MOMENTS and yet somehow the Boks walked away with the win. Because apparently winning ugly is still winning. 😂

The scrum was basically the Springbok emergency button:

Nothing working? SCRUM THEM.

Seven scrums. Seven wins. Problem solved. 😎

Argentina defended brilliantly and Pablo Matera turned back the clock, playing like someone had told him his pension depended on it.

For most of the match Argentina apparently played like a team with something to prove, all speed and physicality, while the Boks stood around discovering that their attack had gone on leave without telling anyone.

Credit where due though, the defence held up beautifully right until the very last phase, phase fourteen no less, because why make it easy when you can make your entire fanbase chew through their fingernails first.
The Pumas' defence and aerial game were "particularly impressive," which is sports-journalist code for "the Boks could not buy a break anywhere except the scrum, where they finally remembered they are actually good at rugby." So there you have it. A nailbiter, a scrum masterclass in the last twenty, and a nation exhaling all at once when that final tackle held.

The biggest concern, though, is Siya Kolisi going off early with a calf issue. Because obviously we weren't allowed to enjoy a win without a little stress.

The Boks carried more, had more territory and still somehow made the game harder for themselves than necessary.

But hey…

✅ Won in Argentina
✅ Scrum was dominant
✅ Cameron Hanekom impressed. This man is pure fire..
✅ Grobbelaar was excellent
✅ Eben played the full 80
❌ Attack occasionally looked like 15 blokes meeting for the first time.

Rassie will know this needs to be MUCH better against the All Blacks.

For now, though:

Job done. Don't ask too many questions.

To all the women who run the show, call the shots and still remember where everyone left their car keys, happy Women's Day. We love you.

Springboks needed 80 minutes and 14 phases to survive Argentina. I need one hangover cure and a very quiet kitchen to survive this morning. Priorities aligned.

Enjoyed this summary. Tag a friend who needs it in their life and please share it around.

Bring on New Zealand! 💪🏉

Peace

Get those early picks in

Rassie Erasmus has named a 43-man Springbok squad. Ten injured Boks have returned, a few unlucky souls have been released back to their franchises... and somewhere, a couple of players have just switched from protein shakes to Brandy

So, as per normal, here is my view on yesterday's game.

Mandela Day at Kings Park delivered exactly what everyone predicted and somehow still managed to annoy the one team that won by 43 points. South Africa scored seven tries against Wales, kept a clean sheet, and walked off looking like a man who ordered a five-course meal and complained about the napkin folding.
Final score 43-0, the kind of scoreline that should come with a complimentary trophy and a moment of reflection, neither of which the Springboks seemed interested in.

The scrum was less a rugby contest than a public ex*****on. Wales' front row got walked backwards so consistently that by the second half their scrum-half must have wondered if he'd accidentally joined a conveyor belt demonstration.

One prop got yellow carded, came back on, and immediately folded again, proving that even a fresh pair of legs cannot fix a structural engineering problem. These okes were kak.

Wales were at one point penalised for retreating from a scrum they had already lost, which is the rugby equivalent of getting a parking ticket while your car is being towed.....Go figure.

To Wales' credit, after conceding like they were auditioning for a highlight reel of missed tackles, they actually steadied up and had a proper go, camping in the Boks' 22 four times without anything to show for it except the moral victory of not being embarrassed by 70 points this time. Progress, of a sort I would say.

Meanwhile South Africa handed out four debut caps and each debutant celebrated by playing like they had been doing this for a decade. One of them scored twice and set up two more on his home ground, which is either destiny or extremely good scriptwriting.

The 36-year-old scrumhalf pulling strings in the middle of it all looked less like a player nearing retirement and more like a chess grandmaster who occasionally lets the junior players make a move.
And still, despite the tries, the shutout, and the demolition derby up front, the Boks apparently walked off annoyed about handling errors and a 22 minute stretch where they had all the ball and nothing to show for it. Which tells you everything about a team that treats a 43-0 win as a disappointing rough draft.

Fassi shook off some rust with a 5 out of 10, leaking handling errors before an early substitution.

Debutant Jaco Williams stole the show with two try involvements and an 8 out of 10 that reads like a preview of the next ten years. He was good on the day

Kriel cruised to a tidy 7 off the back of other people's good work, while De Allende quietly glued the midfield together for another 7 without seeking applause.

Arendse locked down his wing and nabbed a try for a 6, and teenage flyhalf Vusi Moyo looked disturbingly composed for his debut, earning an 8 behind a dominant pack. Reinach chipped in a workmanlike 6 despite a few wayward passes.

Upfront, the props ran a full demolition service. Sadie and Steenekamp both scored 8s for turning the Welsh scrum into a cautionary tale, while Marx continued his one man award tour with another 8.

Jasper Wiese trampled in for an early try, doing his best impression of a man who takes defensive resistance personally.

Paul de Villiers fumbled the ball four separate times and still walked off with man of the match, proof that the award occasionally gets handed out on vibes alone. Van Heerden and Cobus Wiese quietly did excellent work while everyone else hogged the headlines, and the bench, Libbok, Willemse and a returning Jantjies, wandered on just in time to keep the machine ticking over without breaking a sweat.

Meanwhile the All Blacks put 40 on Ireland the same day, so July ends with both southern hemisphere heavyweights top of the table, one of them thrilled, and one of them scowling at their own scoreline like it owes them money.

Congrats Boks, Congrats Dricus.

Today is a good day to have a good day.

Peace

Several Bok newbies are about to earn their first caps tomorrow. Expect big hits, nervous smiles, and at least one player pretending he isn't absolutely terrified.

Your match day 23 to take on Wales tomorrow 🇿🇦