The Bougie Bruja

This fall, I’m beginning a two-month Do******ix mentorship, MistressClass, with Colette Pervette, PhD.

Before I share more about where this exploration is taking me, I want to tell you why I’m here in the first place.

Life brought me to my knees last year.

My dad died. Financial collapse and relationship ruptures. I shut down a business that wasn’t making enough money. I struggled terribly with depression, anxiety, and panic. And somewhere inside all of it, I spent a year shedding nearly every identity I had known myself through.

There were parts of me I simply couldn’t carry forward anymore. I found myself face-to-face with what was underneath.

Who am I when I’m not trying to hold everything together?

Who am I when I’m not performing the versions of myself I’ve learned will keep me loved, safe, successful, desirable, or belonging?

And who am I when the ways I knew how to access power in my 20s and 30s no longer fit the woman in my 40s?

Around this time last year, I told my therapist about a desire I’d quietly carried alone since I was 17: I wanted to be a and the whole world I was curious about.

She reflected something back to me that I haven’t forgotten.

After months of working together through one of the hardest periods of my life, she said it was the first time she had seen me genuinely delighted and lit up about something.

Earlier that year, I’d met 𝕰𝖒𝖕𝖗𝖊𝖘𝖘 𝕰𝖒𝖇𝖊𝖗 𝕷𝖚𝖓𝖆 at a 𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐑𝐓 𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐁 ✨ play party.

By December, I was telling my girlfriends I wanted to finally explore it.

And a few months later, a pro-Domme paid me to join her in a scene.

I had the best fu***ng time.
But more importantly, I discovered something:

The power I thought I’d lost through all the heartbreak, grief, and loss wasn’t gone. It had been there the entire time.

Last year felt like a demolition and I spent most of the year clearing through the rubble.

This year there’s a different foundation beneath me and instead of trying to rebuild what was there before, I get to decide what I want to build from here.

Especially when it comes to power.

(more in the comments)

I want to give you permission to reject me.

I want to give you permission to reject me if you can’t feel the pulsation of your body beneath your skin.

Permission to reject me if you do not understand how powerful breath and body feels like when they are in a secret union of presents together.

Reject me, if you do not understand the highest form of energy in our lifetime is love

And that the most powerful emotion is empathy.

Please reject me if I do not fit your model of consumeurized feminism.

Reject me if you don’t like the color of my skin, the shape of my body, or the grey hairs the grow fiercely from my head.

Reject me if you don’t like the way that I speak or the things that I say.

Reject me if you don’t like the fact that I am a mixture of witchiness, science, and history because all of that wisdom bleeds inside of me.

Reject me and let me be free of the mental model that you have of me that requires me to conform in a way that’s comfortable for you.

Reject me so that I can be free of the perceptions that you have of me.

Permission granted to reject me.

Because rejection is a sacred redirection.

Climax and or**sm are often used as the same thing. But I find it helpful to hold them differently.

Climax can be the peak-and-release: the build, the intensity, the finish. Or**sm can be an invitation into a fuller relationship with pleasure—one that includes the whole body, breath, sensation, emotion, and presence.

This isn’t about making climax wrong or turning or**sm into another performance goal. It’s about releasing the idea that pleasure only “counts” if it ends a certain way.

Your nervous system, anatomy, safety, and desires all shape what pleasure feels like in your body.

When we stop chasing the finish line, we can become more available for sensation, choice, receiving, and erotic self-trust.

Want support exploring what pleasure, embodiment, and erotic self-trust can look like in your body? I work exclusively with women. Book a call with me. Link is in my bio.

Fun fact. Your or**sm has seasons just like nature.

Did you know the difference between the two?

There’s been a theme in my coaching this week around my clients claiming their power and boundaries around intimacy, connection, and relationships!

I’m not sure it’s eclipse season, the full moon, or that the women I serve and support are in this moment of their life where they have been realizing they are exhausted of over-functioning, over giving, and overriding their truth because of fear of rejection, loss, disappointment, and abandonment.

Here’s something I have told every single one of my clients:

PLEASURE, CONNECTION, AND INTIMACY DOES NOT REQUIRE YOU TO ABANDON YOURSELF.

and that goes for any and all relationships regardless of the dynamic or structure— intimate, business, familial, friendships…every relationship you have to anything in life.

This is wisdom I wish someone told me in my teenage years, my early 20s, and has taken me my late 30s and early 40s to really start practicing and embodying.

What is some piece of wisdom you wish someone told you in your 20s, share it below and let’s be in community together.