HR Mom

🪣 Training our kids to really deep clean takes time, but not NEARLY as much time as you think! 🪣

Next time you do it, write out each task with a Sharpie as you do it. You’ll use this easy peasy list for training.

I’ve always used handwritten messy checklists in sheet protectors so I can add/switch them out easily and the kids can mark them with dry erase markers.

When my son got a phone at 13, he asked for a digital checklist he can tick off as each task is done. So, one day we hyper-focused and typed them all into the “To Do” app. See pics. ✅

One thing that makes cleaning the worst is not knowing where the supplies are. Another major block for ADHD’ers is not getting supplies ready up front. If we stop and go search for a supply, we may never go back to the chore.

My kids start really deep cleaning their bathrooms at age 10. By then, they can safely mop, can reach to Windex mirrors, etc. Before age 10, they just wiped things down with a wet washcloth, took out the trash, and swept.

🚽 Don’t know where to start? 🚽

The kids’ bathroom is a great place. It’s small, not too overwhelming, and can create momentum that’ll spread to the rest of the house. It’ll usually make school mornings smoother too.

Easy Steps:

✅ Clear out space under the sink
✅ Fill a caddy with all the supplies ✅ Label each supply with “Kids Bath” and never remove them.
✅ Show them each step having them work beside you.
✅ Assign when this task should be done. (Every other Saturday?)
✅ It’s “Clean Before Screens” on “Bathroom Deep Clean Day”
✅ Be readily available to help/remind/encourage the first few times.
✅ Give feedback, requiring a minimum standard of completion.
✅ Check work. Be heavy on high fives and praise!

🗓️ This weekend is a great time to start! 🗓️

🖐️ Who’s in?? 🖐️

If not, what’s holding you back?

I’ve never pre-ordered something so fast… ❤️ Congrats, Lisa Damour, Ph.D. on your latest book!

“Untangled” and “Emotional Lives of Teenagers” have been my parenting book go-to resources. I’m listening to “Untangled” for the 3rd time right now. ❤️

Congratulations to ADHD Alien for releasing their new book! Order now!!

** Parenting FAIL! **

We have loved re-watching the original “Planet Earth” series this summer with Little Sis. At some point, he mentions the incredible gorilla preservation efforts of Dian Fossey and I say, “Ooh, we should watch Gorillas in the Mist!”

We do absolutely zero research on it ( ) and she unknowingly snuggles up with popcorn for a traumatic viewing experience. 🤦‍♀️

🚨 Movie spoiler alert: 🚨

After several way-too-intense-for-Sis scenes, Dian gets killed by a machete in her sleep. Her hand drops to dangle off her bed, and her blood drips onto printed photos of the beloved gorillas.

Roll credits.

🙉 🙈 🙊

I clearly got Fossey confused with Jane Goodall, and had NO IDEA she was going to die at the end. 😭

Sis ran into her room crying, took a while to calm down, and then wouldn’t sleep with the lights off.

I apologized profusely for my lack of judgment, also wondered how *I* handled watching it at age 8 in 1988. 🤯

Me: “Just try to remember the scenes with the gorillas.” (To myself: Well, not the gorilla who had his hands and head chopped off, or the baby who got taken, or the 5 that got massacred… 🤦‍♀️)

Anyway, we can’t take it back now, and we know it’ll be funny one day - (but NOT YET!)
——
What movies did you show your kids that absolutely traumatized them?

Little Bro slept on Big Bro’s floor for two months after “Gremlins.” Oops.

Which movies left a mark on YOUR childhood?? (See mine in the comments.)

Little Sis seriously gives her Engineer big brothers a run for their money when it comes to building LEGO sets or assembling IKEA furniture.

She and I built 3 Billy bookcases for her library in her bedroom: the first one we built together, the second she built with me sitting close by to assist/supervise, and the 3rd one she built completely on her own while I took a nap! 💪🏼

Don’t underestimate what your tweens can do when they put their minds and allen wrenches to it! Take a little time to show them and then hand over ownership and tell them you know they can do it.

Confidence in themselves comes from doing hard things. What hard things have your kids been up to lately?

On my previous post about autism research, Sharon made an excellent point about how damaging it is that most studies focus on how neurodivergent (ND) people interact with or impact neurotypical (NT) people.

New and improved research proves that autistic individuals aren’t “poor communicators,” as much as they struggle to communicate along the implicit social norms of NT people.

When you get a group of autistic people together - studies confirm - they communicate quite efficiently and effectively with each other.

This is exactly how I feel when I’m in a group of ADHD women. I recently overheard some Moms talking about their new ADHD diagnoses, so I butted into their convo, introduced myself, and invited them over to my house. 😆

They showed up on a weeknight, no makeup, flip flops, and I served easy snacks straight from the packages, eaten on paper plates. I texted them in advance to bring sweaters because my house will be cold.

Instantly, when we sat down to chat, the masks came down. We shared each of our family backgrounds in an effort to cut to the chase and find specific areas of overlap in our hobbies and interests.

Our stories were all over the place, no one was making eye contact, we lost track of storylines and picked them right back up later, we interrupted each other, stopped mid-sentence to send each other links to doctors, recipes, vitamins, and fidget toys. We’d go off on tangents, were all fidgeting with different things… and we had a total blast and loved every single minute of it. We could have talked all night, but it was pushing midnight, and one of us was in the middle of impulsively painting her bedroom. 😂 🙌

Yet, if our evening had been observed by any of these neurotypical (mostly male) scientists, the journals would undoubtedly include how ADHD presents itself as rudeness, lateness, inattention, inactive listening, poor body language, distractedness, interrupting, failure to communicate complete thoughts, etc. 😡

It’s important that our ND students get the support and advocacy they need so they can BECOME the scientists and infiltrate this body of work. It’s way past time people are involved in publishing studies that more accurately represent our lived experiences.

Talk to us about how your ADHD or Autistic (& AuDHD) friend groups operate!

Sunday Memory: “Let’s surprise the boys and make cinnamon rolls before church!”
Little Sis (5): “Ooh, I can help you roll out bread and the powder!”
Me, (thinking it’s adorable that she thinks I own a rolling pin): “Um... well, you can help me open the container. You can make it go POP. Does that sound fun?”
———-
My soon-to-be-adopted daughter lived with the most loving, nurturing foster family for the past 15 months. While there, she experienced a faith-filled nuclear family and her foster Momma was amazing. (I’ll never be able to adequately express my gratitude.)

She loved her so and fed her clean organic food, took her to speech and play therapy, taught her how to ride a bike, how to swim, got her Kinder-ready academically, and apparently... she also made homemade cinnamon rolls.

Every once in a while, my insecurities creep in and I feel like I’ll never be able to measure up to what Foster Momma provided. Instead, I’m a single working mother serving instant cinnamon rolls whose ingredients can best be described as a “chemical $ #!+storm.” If I allow myself to stay in this mental space long enough, I start comparing myself to other Moms too. I start to notice lots of Moms who (seem to) have it together and, these days, especially those who stay at home. These feelings of inadequacy can sneak in when I least expect them, like with an innocent question on a Sunday morning.

Fellow Moms, comparison is the thief of joy. If you feel like you’re missing the mark or coming up short in the parenting department, I certainly relate. If this page ever makes you feel inadequate or like I have it all together, I assure you, for every aspect it seems I do well, there’s an aspect where I’m a hot mess. Foster Momma is a forever friend and has shared with me many times how she feels like she’s barely holding it together too.

The truth is: NONE of us have it all together. None of us can do it ALL. Most of us are just doing the best we can. We were matched with our specific children for a reason. We are enough for them - just as we are. They don’t need perfection, they just need our presence, love, and our best effort.

When the boys woke up, Little Lady was SO excited to reenact for them how she jumped when the cinnamon rolls popped open. She loved it. And she loves me. And she loves her life here.

Just as we long for our children to appreciate us in spite of our flaws and shortcomings, let’s strive to love and accept our kids in spite of theirs. So many of them are caught in the comparison trap with their friends too. Let’s praise their progress and effort too, and make sure they, too, realize THEY ARE ENOUGH - just as they are.

“Flourishing isn't becoming better at fitting into a non-Autistic world. Flourishing is having the support and freedom to build a life that actually works for an Autistic person.”

Guess what, peeps?

Researchers have finally asked a question that should have been asked decades ago.

Instead of asking, "How do we help Autistic people become more successful?" they asked, "What does a good life actually look like to Autistic people?"

That may sound like the same question, but it isn't.

For far too long, we've measured Autistic success against non-Autistic standards. Ableist standards: make more eye contact, socialize more, tolerate noisy places, and above all, act 'normal.' In other words, we've often defined success by how well we imitate non-Autistic people.

A new qualitative study, published in Autism in Adulthood in July 2026, turns that idea upside down. Researchers interviewed 29 Autistic adults about what a good Autistic life actually looks like...what it means to flourish.

Participants took part in multiple one-on-one interviews, took part in group discussions, and provided written responses.

The researchers came to a simple but powerful conclusion: a good Autistic life is not a successful imitation of a non-Autistic one. It means being able to live well as ourselves, not changing to become easier for everyone else to live with.

That really hit me.

The researchers also found something else. For the Autistic participants, flourishing isn't just one big destination where we finally have our lives all figured out. There are actually two kinds...

There is long-term flourishing. That means having autonomy, purpose, stability, meaningful relationships, and a life that works for us.

There is also short-term flourishing. Those are the moments that remind us we are okay, and there are many. They happen when we are losing ourselves in a special interest, laughing with someone who truly gets us, quietly enjoying nature, or finishing a project we're proud of.

Many participants said long-term flourishing still felt out of reach, not because they were failing, but because the world kept expecting them to flourish on non-Autistic terms. Every participant, however, described those smaller moments of joy, calm, and well-being.

Here's the kicker. The researchers concluded that we've been aiming at the wrong target. Flourishing isn't becoming better at fitting into a non-Autistic world. Flourishing is having the support and freedom to build a life that actually works for an Autistic person.

Awesome.

We've spent decades asking how to help Autistic people fit into the world. Maybe it's time we started asking how to build a world where Autistic people can actually flourish.

Reference in the comments.