Mindfully Sovereign

It's Monday! and on today's episode of Mindfully Sovereign, I had the absolute joy of sitting with the one and only Raimonda Jankunaite of Women Thrive Media to have the most beautiful conversation on (amongst other things) Breaking the silence.
What Raimonda shares is a beautiful tale of self reclamation and offers a lovely perspective on entrepreneurship, learning to honor our truth and our internal resiliency
So go give it a listen. & then tell me, where in your life is your voice still waiting for you to come get it.
🎙️ links for you to enjoy are below:
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3klFDD_u1M...
Apple Pod: https://podcasts.apple.com/.../from.../id1701868447...
Amazon music: https://music.amazon.com/.../mindfully-sovereign-from...
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7jE3gVONZgSBGTmHECJjQI.

My heart has been heavy for years now,
and though I’ve been uncertain as to how to approach this conversation (because there is so much nuance, so much discontent, and so much information that writing about all of it would take a massive blog, rather than a FB post) I can't stay silent anymore.
So I’ll start here, I guess…
👉🏼 That multi-figure coach who loves to talk about how she makes millions in her business?
Yeah… They reached out to me privately,
asking for FREE coaching because they couldn't afford to pay my rates 🤯
That "divine feminine" coach charging hundreds of thousands for spiritual “initiations” and pilgrimages steeped in decadence and the scholarly lessons she’s delved into since college?
👀 I’ve witnessed their lies, as I’ve sat across from women who’ve been in their world for a long time, and with tears in their eyes, and a broken heart, they’ve shared with me, the manipulation, the fraud, the extortion and belittling they’ve had to endure at their hands (and this feels personal bc they’re tainting, distorting, and weaponizing the work I most care about in this lifetime; all to make money).
The manifestation expert promising quantum leaps? 🤔
Their lifestyle is funded by a trust fund they never mention, and bolstered by a PR firm that’s bought their followers, and placed them in the public eye at exactly the right time to make them seem more legitimate.
And that business coach guaranteeing you 10k months? 🙄
I've worked closely with them (much to my own chagrin) 🤦🏻‍♀️
and I've seen the psychological manipulation they use and witnessed the trail of broken dreams from people they've bullied so badly that they've given up on their goals entirely and returned to jobs they hate.
I share this not to gossip or tear anyone down (seriously, there’s enough vitriol out there so please don’t take this in that direction)
but because I can’t keep watching in silence while good people get hurt anymore.
I share this because I’m EXHAUSTED with this whole industry and the systems it’s put in place to operate at a multi-billion dollar level 😩
I share it because, frankly, not enough voices have been able to break through the illusion, and I think we need to change that
Being inside this industry has shown me things I wish I could unsee 😢
and sincerely, I tell you,
the disconnect between the polished online presence and the private reality is staggering.
And I stuck around this environment for a long while because, when I first hired a business coach, I had a dream I wanted to see come to fruition more than anything in this world
🚫Not to make millions
🚫Not to be famous
🚫Not to go viral and become some sort of “health and wellness and self-help influencer”
Hell, my refusal to be “that” is the whole reason I’m still operating at a small scale I love in my 1:1 mentorships, rather than still trying to force myself to pump out program after program in oder to create a “product suite” that I could use to leverage higher prices (which is what a lot of people are still being taught)
So yes, I did the whole thing,
I played their game and listened to their advice
I believed when they told me I was “too much”
I believed when they said my words were too verbose, and that people needed to be spoon-fed the concepts I wanted to share because nobody would care about feminine empowerment, shadow work, self sduction, or personal sovereignty
I recoiled and told them I disagreed when they said that people only ever buy from pain or for status, and that I had to mold myself into a “niched” kind of coach in order to actually get clients into containers where, once I’d sold them the “relationship” of their dreams;
THEN I could sell them the Divine Feminine in a more palatable way than what I had attempted when Freedom of the Goddess and my 1:1 were my whole platform
but I acquiesced and I believed them when they said the only way to do this was following their blueprints,
so I gave it my best
I told myself they knew better
and that I might just have some inner shadow work to do around the resistance I was facing to set up the group programs, charge the way they told me to, and pump out content in the very deliberate way they “guaranteed” would mean my business would thrive 🤦🏻‍♀️
I walked into this, with a heart determined to serve women,
and a longing to put my Divine Feminine studies, initiation, and healing arts into action
🌙 I wanted to (and still long to) see every woman the world over empowered, alive, in love with her life, herself, and her essence
🔥 I wanted to help reframe narratives of purity culture, diet culture, and patriarchal bs that have kept women at each other’s throats, stuck in lack, believing they need to be smaller, quieted and more “lady like” for too freaking long already
🐺 I wanted to embrace the Goddess residing in each woman (hence the name of my company) and walk side by side with them as they reclaimed their wild essence, their sacred truth, and their power well beyond what we’ve been taught is meant for us
And since my schooling had been all about nutrition (and yoga) up to that point, and not the business side of things
*Let alone the online business side of things
I went looking for someone who could help me create a sustainable and healthy eco-system to help me welcome, attract, and reach more clients
Instead, what I found was…
😟 Greed
😟 Performance
😟 Manipulation
😟 Lies
😖 And a world so fake, it had me fooled for a long while too
Because it all seems true
It’s designed to
And as humans, we too often forget that the best lies always carry a nugget of truth
So, I endured painful lessons and bore them in silence while in this world
Partly because I didn’t want to dwell on the negative
Partly because I held myself accountable for choices made
And partly because, as some of us know all too well, speaking up in this space is often just asking to be torn asunder
So I moved on and away
I separated myself from this industry and declared my commitment to working in alignment with my personal values, within my priestess lineage, and patiently knowing that the medicine I bring is not for all
But the hardest thing I’ve sat with over the last 2 years
has been watching the impact some of these people keep having on so many women from all over the world
Women who trusted these coaches with their dreams, their money, and their hope, only to be destroyed, gaslit, and sucked dry by them.
😡 It breaks my heart, and makes my blood boil
It's not just the money people lose (though that's devastating enough).
It's watching someone who was brave enough to bet on themselves get so beaten down by manipulation and broken promises that they stop believing transformation is possible.
I've held space for too many people who whisper,
"Maybe I'm just not meant for this"
after being failed by coaches who promised them the world, and deliver nothing but platitudes on a silvery plater made by systems that worked for them but would never work for someone who had scruples
That's not okay with me. 😤
And it shouldn't be okay with you either.
So I’m writing this today to share some of the lessons with you.
In hopes they can help someone
In hopes they’ll remind you to look within, rather than to go seeking for the answers to your questions and dreams in the words or the looks of a stranger who cares little for you, and too much for what they can gain from your energetic field, your mind, and your wallet
If this can help…
even in the smallest of ways; then it’ll be worth it
So…
Allow me to share some of the Red Flags I Wish I'd Recognized Sooner
Looking back, the warning signs were always there:
🚩 The manufactured urgency that made my stomach clench. All those: “Only 24 hours left!”, or “If you don’t sign with me right now, I’ll have to give your spot away.” And “Don’t you think it’s worth your investment to stop living the same reality you’ve been struggling with for so long? Stop waiting, or else, you’re not serious”
Yeah… yuck 🤢
🚩The vague success stories that sounded impressive but meant nothing. AKA: “I made 25k sitting by the pool” and “My client just 1000% her income in one week since we started working together!”
Yeah; those Multi-figure" claims and labels are a way to hide that they meant $100, not $100,000, and that their clients profited off their network (MLM’s are alive and well in this industry) or that some of their clients were already making a ton of money when they hired them… you get the pic
🚩The lifestyle obsession where every single last post was about their designer bags, their luxury cars, and exotic vacations on a private jet (btw, I know of 2 ppl who jus t”borrowed” the jet for pics so just be mindful), never about the actual work or their clients' transformations.
🚩The testimonials that felt hollow OR sycophantic: generic praise without any real substance or specific outcomes. OR the ones that were over-adulating and told a deeper issue whispered of in many a Reddit threads
🚩The “you need to invest in order to become an aligned match to more money” gospel they love to preach and indoctrinate people with
🚩The “being in your feminine means simply leaning back and receiving. You don’t need systems because they’re too masculine, and if you are coming from a masculine place, you’re not in your feminine
😡 this and the whole “soft girl”/ “black cat”/ gender-based bull that dating coaches also sell without knowing thing 1 about energetics, the Divine Feminine, psychology, or personal sovereignty p**s me the F off! 😠 (I can at least say I never bought from anyone using this lingo, nor would I but ugh… they are out there and they are doing the most)
🚩The if you’re not (fill in the blank, could be losing weight, finding a romantic relationship, making money; you name it, they’ll use it), it’s because your energy isn’t clean enough, and you have a lot of internalized beliefs of lack you need to clear
Uhu, it couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that not everyone is meant to sell the same way, that people are sick and tired of “free masterclasses that lead to a thing you’re selling so you can then upsell them again” or that selling in this crazy online world is fkg hard af! And that’s ok to say!
😮‍💨
After everything I've witnessed,
here's what I know matters:
Radical transparency. The coaches I’d trust now are open about their journey, their failures, their real numbers, and their limitations. They don't pretend to have it all figured out.
Consistency between private and public. What they say in their content matches how they treat people behind the scenes. There's no Jekyll and Hyde act.
Real client transformations with details. Not just "Sarah made 50k!" but "Sarah struggled with pricing for eight months, we worked through her money blocks using these specific techniques, and here's the timeline of how she built her client base."
Genuine care for outcomes and people over sales. They're more concerned with whether you succeed than whether you buy.
Humility and ongoing growth. They admit when they don't know something and continue learning instead of pretending to be the ultimate guru.
In truth, I know that there are still many adept healers, guides, teachers, coaches, mentors, and channels out there
But the most important thing to remember is that YOU are the ultimate authority in and of your life
YOU are the one who gets to choose which direction your life is going to move on
YOU get to decide whom you bring into your world, and you also get to decide when it is time to walk away from something that is no longer serving your highest good
I don’t believe we are meant to have mentorship, teachers, guides, etc forever
Heck, I love (and get sad of course because I am human, and I care) when my clients say goodbye
And a lot of my clients, I never see again
That’s great!
I don’t want “followings”
I don’t want perma-students
And yes, my doors are ALWAYS open, and some of my clients will come back as they move through things in their lives, and we love this
But my point is that a lot of these coaches out there love their “following” and create a realm of addiction that keeps people trapped in their field for decades, and honestly, we need to be asking ourselves why that is
We need to remember that we don’t need a coach for everything all the time for all of eternity
And we need to remember our internal power
Like I said…
YOU ARE AT THE HELM
And you get to CHOOSE
Now then… here’s some questions That Could Save You if you’re looking for a coach/mentor/guide:
Before you invest, ask yourself:
* How do I feel in my body when I talk to them? Relaxed and empowered, or anxious and pressured?
* Are they pressuring me?
* Do I get the sense that every time we speak, I end up second guessing myself?
* Are they asking about my goals and situation, or just selling me their solution or speaking to my pain?
* Do their client stories include struggles and realistic timelines, or just magical breakthroughs?
* Why am I seeking guidance right now?
If you’ve read this far, you may be wondering why I’m speaking about this today,
The answer is complex
I could stay quiet.
It would be easier.
But every time I see another person get manipulated by someone I know is predatory,
every time I witness another dream get crushed by false promises,
I feel complicit in my silence.
You deserve better.
Your dreams deserve better.
Your hard-earned money and precious trust deserve better.
Please don't let this make you fearful about getting support.
There are incredible coaches out there doing honest, transformative work.
They exist, and they're worth finding.
But finding them requires us to raise our standards and trust our instincts.
It requires us to be mindful, to pay attention, to ask questions, and remember that we can always stand up for what we believe in,
and it requires us to be cognoscenti that not all that glitters is gold
The coaching industry can be a force for genuine transformation and good in this world, I truly still believe this even after all that I’ve seen and gone through
but only if we demand integrity from it
Only if we stand up for what is right
Only if we speak up when a wrong has been committed
And if you’re pursuing a big dream or goal in your life, remember (to include, healing yourself)
Your goals matter.
Your growth matters.
Your health, your heart, your spirit, all matter.
You matter.
Don't let anyone convince you otherwise
or treat you like anything less than the valuable human being you are.
Trust yourself.
You know more than you think you do.
If this resonates with you, please share it.
Not because I need the exposure, but because someone you know might need to read this before they make a decision they'll regret.

I go into this in this week's episode of Mindfully Sovereign too so go give it a listen ;-)

It's ready for you to listen to!

my interview on 60 60 Minutes With A Woman hosted by the lovely Sara Khliss is out and ready for you to listen to, and trust me, you don't wanna miss it; it is juicy ;-)

Link to listen on apple pods right here:

Why So Many Women Lose Themselves with Sapha Pardo Heckman Podcast Episode · 60 Minutes With A Woman · July 29 · 1h 15m

I've spent years being told I was "too much" for this industry.

Too poetic, too erudite, too devoted to depth, in a world that demands a five minute funnel and a pain point to exploit under the guise of healing.

In this new episode of Mindfully Sovereign (and this one might ruffle a few feathers) I'm talking about the coaching industry as it presently runs.

The cookie cutter product suites,

The "fake it 'till you make it" rhetoric,

The lies behind "this is how I make 1 million dollars while sipping pina coladas by the pool" statements,

The belief that people are stupid and will only ever purchase something that gives them amplified status (be it through financial wealth, a "perfect" body, or even a relationship status)

I delve into it all with the intention to deepen our understanding of this environment, so we can improve on what has unfortunately become so toxic in so many different ways for so many people in a short amount of time.

I also talk about why I chose a different path.

Why my practice stays small by design,

Why I quit building a "funnel/product suite" that moves someone from free to $97 to $thousands just because that's what the formula demands,

Why I would rather work deeply with a handful of women than pump put program after program every quarter just to barely scrape by, or to sell in a way that has never been aligned with my integrity, regardless of how "effective" someone might say it is

and look, this isn't an attack on coaching or on the many practitioners doing this work with real integrity (and believe it or not, I do still believe many people out there are doing this in integrity)

Nor will I spend the whole time bad mouthing people because we don't need that in our lives

But what we do need, is to talk about things,

to recognize the issues,

to shine a light where it's needed most

So the harm that's been perpetuated stops once and for all

So every unique and needed voice in this space gets to stay whole while doing the work

So, whether or not you belong to or have participated in the coaching world, if you're someone who believes that it's important for us to speak truth, rather than bury our heads in the sand,

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU.

I'd love to hear what resonates once you've listened. 🤍

You can tune in on any of these places:

🎧 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/when-coaching-becomes-manipulation-reclaiming-sovereignty/id1701868447?i=1000778530853

🎧 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/d2be0b71-c155-4054-a04e-215f3e2ff4fb/episodes/83b17725-db35-4fb6-aa80-7f86ed4aa799/mindfully-sovereign-when-coaching-becomes-manipulation-reclaiming-sovereignty-in-the-self-help-industry

▶️ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlQ5t7geAWQ&list=PLj6HVbI6FBOOMv0hAF0wLwB1nnmdlPSXg&index=1

🎧 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0u7QZqCWqgA08bgSiP3DXl?si=6a0d17bdf8444aec

When Coaching Becomes Manipulation: Reclaiming Sovereignty in the Self-Help Industry Mindfully Sovereign · Episode

A client of mine told me something a few weeks ago that I haven't stopped thinking about.

She said, "I can't quite explain how the magic happens or when, but I know I'm better able to face challenges in this life, and I'm happy to welcome the most beautiful miracles now."

Three months. That's how long we'd been working together.

She'd already done years of therapy before she found me. Real therapy, good therapy, with a therapist she trusted. And she was still stuck. Still choice-less. Still living a life that technically belonged to her and didn't feel like it.

And I'm reflecting deeply on that today because I'm noticing that this has been a pattern in the women I've worked with over the years.

They come come me at a time when what they've been doing, (often for years) is performing wholeness instead of inhabiting it in earnest.

They know the language of healing.

They can talk about boundaries and shadow work and nervous system regulation fluently. And somewhere underneath all that fluency and knowledge, they're still waiting for permission to actually BE the woman they've been describing in therapy.

I see it clearly.

I recognize it immediately .

Because for a long time, I lived this in my own life before I ever guided anyone through it.

I was raised in a household steeped in purity culture and end-times theology, the kind that teaches you life is something to endure and women are fundamentally dangerous.

I learned early to shrink, to minimize, to give my power away in increments so small I told myself it wasn't giving anything away at all.

I spent years in an eating disorder that almost ended me, and in a marriage that cost me twelve years of my one life, just stuck...

in patterns I mistook for maturity because they were familiar and compliant and looked, from the outside, like a woman who had it together.

That was, until the Goddess burst into my world in a whirlwind of potency, presence, and relentless uprooting.

She arrived as a demand, not a soft touch

She demanded I reclaim my sovereignty, or keep dying slowly in a life that photographed well.

I chose the reclamation, and it terrified me, because it meant walking away from a marriage, from relationships, from belief systems I'd been obedient to for decades.

In 2011 I led my first retreat, in a jungle in Costa Rica.

I stood in front of a room of women and spoke about moon cycles, energetic polarity, death as rebirth, and I was certain every one of them would see straight through me to the woman still learning to trust her own voice.

They didn't see through me though (not in a judgmental way)

They recognized themselves in me.

That's when I understood the actual work. I had to become so they could become. It wasn't about teaching a perfect and infallible technique. Or about handing over a framework.

Embodiment was (and is) the thing, in front of them, close enough that they could feel it was possible, because a woman cannot be talked into her own sovereignty. She has to witness it alive in someone else first, and then remember it was always alive in her.

That is what I do now, with a small number of women a year, in long-term high-touch containers, because this work cannot be rushed or templated or delivered at scale without losing the very thing that makes it work.

It's not therapy, or coaching.

It's an initiation of the deepest order.

If you've done the work, all of it, and you're still waiting to feel like your own life belongs to you, I'd love to hear where you are.

Comment or send me a message.

I hold one scholarship space a month in my Divorce Doula container for women in financial transition, and I always make room for the woman who is finally ready to stop performing and start embodying in all of my 1:1 offerings.

You might have felt exiled from yourself for a while

But the time to reclaim your essence is NOW and I would be delighted to reflect your own power back to you along the way

DM me if you want to begin your initiation today

*Photography by the amazing Jennifer Nicole Caldwell