Real You Leadership

Day 22/30: Oversharing observations — I’m a bit stressed and anxious in the background making some big personal moves (good things, but stressful nonetheless), and I’m also straight up feeling so much grief over the news and global fascism.

I have a tendency to throw myself into work harder and/or be an antisocial hermit and stay at home when I’m in an overwhelmed state like I woke up with today.

Sometimes this response and behavior pattern feels healthy and just want I need—to be in my own energy, go inward, get s**t done, and be truly productive. It’s coming from a values-aligned place, a place of knowing my needs and limits.

Sometimes the same exact response and behavior are actually coming from a place of avoidance, activation, and defense patterns.

I believe that none of these actions and reactions are necessarily good or bad—but it’s been important to learn how discern which state I’m in and the quality of my mind, heart, and spirit.

Today I almost wanted to overwork in order to feel some sense of accomplishment and hopefully less anxious. I wanted to just rot on my couch and not go outside.

But my partner gave me a gentle invitation, “I’m going to go and take photos of the mercado calenda. You can come with me or stay at home—but I think you’re going to like it.”

I smiled and said, “honestly, dancing and hearing live music would probably be good for me right now.” (A little somatic experience and release never hurts)

It was just what I needed to remember that this moment matters. That I’m living a version of life I dreamed of, that felt so far away once. And gratitude bubbled up.

Each day is full of thousands of micro-choices, and we can start to see them mor and more with practice (and sometimes a little support.)

Day 18/30: Oversharing observations - I love being by myself and enjoying my own energy soooo damn much.

I love the version of me that has created the space and time to literally zen out and organized a bunch of beads that got mixed up over a year ago, singing along to a record at the top of my lungs, cuddling my needy cats as they ask for it.

It used to be hard for me to make time for myself—truly just for myself. In these demanding times, I didn’t know who i was for so long outside of my jobs, obligations, relationships, and the pressures of adult life.

I used to be scared or avoidant of too much free time by myself. Like I was missing out if I wasn’t out, doing the most, seeing as many people as possible — I used to never ever know myself, my inner voice, or what I’d do if I didn’t fill up my free time with multiple plans or overbooking.

I love the people in my life. I love being out in the world. I love being amongst the vibrations of others.

And I love that I love being with me. The rituals that have emerged, the self-trust that I’ve cultivated, and the delight in knowing who I am is a gift.

day 16/30: ya gotta be honest with yourself when your inner beliefs and fears are holding you back from having critical conversations that have the ability to completely change your life.

Yes, structural inequities are baked into every workplace, industry, and team.

Yes, we shouldn’t have to negotiate.

Yes, we shouldn’t have to speak for our work.

But until these systems are completely taken down and transformed—we have to practice self-advocacy in and out of our careers.

One thing I’ve noticed coaching leaders through these conversations is that the biggest challenge usually isn’t identifying that their role has changed. They already know it has.

The hardest part is believing they’re allowed to say:
“This isn’t the role I was hired to do anymore.”
“I can’t keep absorbing more.”
“My compensation no longer reflects the work I’m doing.”

Those are incredibly vulnerable things to say in such a volatile job market.

I hear it all the time: “If I push back, will I be next?” or “If I ask for more, will I make myself a target?”

Those fears are real. But staying quiet doesn’t guarantee safety.

Day 15/30: Oversharing observations - I’m tired of these dusty employers and companies taking advantage of good people and exploiting humans to overwork and stay underpaid.

I’m celebrating a client’s win advocating for a pay adjustment to make up for the huge scope creep and additional responsibilities she’s taken on after a critical role left and wasn’t backfilled.

I’m always pi**ed that we have to ask to be fairly compensated. That BIPOC femmes globally are always up against a massive pay gap compared to white, male counterparts.

We shouldn’t have to negotiate, self-advocate, and fight so hard — but the truth is: it’s critical we learn how to and practice it constantly.

Because these companies stay dusty and absolutely won’t right the wrongs of your pay gap proactively.

They’re either too greedy, or even the best of leaders, are too busy to pay attention and make solid steps to review your comp and current workload.

I know it’s hella scary to set boundaries on your workload or ask for more money when you’re getting crumbs, especially with the threat of layoffs being constantly in your face and today’s job market being absolutely fu**ed.

But if you stay overworked, overextended and underpaid…then what?

No one will stand up for you better than you.

day 14/30: Oversharing observations - work doesn’t need to be my whole identity. Ask more curious, juicier, deeper questions about new people beyond how we make money.

Keep asking “what do you do?” if you want to.

I find it boring. Even if I love my work and business as a coach, and I’m so lucky to be a purpose-driven business owner that’s literally designed my own dream job for 9 years—I’ve intentionally worked on de-centering work being my whole identity and what I default to ask/talk about when first meeting new people.

Unless it’s an actual professional or industry event and setting, I just wanna know who you are, get to know your energy, what you care about in this life, and what brings you joy.

What if we asked different questions first?

Like…
What’s one thing that made you smile recently?
What do you think about [insert curiosity]?
What’s something you learned recently?
Doing anything cool and exciting these days?
What music gets you hyped?
How is your spirit today?
How do you spend your free time?
What are you passionate about?

I’d love to know what else you add.

Day 13/30: Oversharing observations - In Mexico, only other foreigners (specifically U.S. ones) ask me, “So what do you do?” within the first 5 minutes of meeting them.

And I absolutely loathe that we were conditioned to ask this question, as if we’re only valuable for how we contribute to capitalism and how we make money to pay our bills.

In every industry I’ve worked in: hospitality, audio production, tech, and coaching as a business owner — we’re taught to network from the lens of how we can create value, business, and money for or with each other.

“What do you do?” is loaded with classism, a need to feed a hierarchy and superiority complexes, and a measure of success I simply haven’t cared for in ages.

Most Oaxacans typically ask:
1/ Where are you from/visiting from? (This is not offensive, the way it is when someone asks me that when I lived in California my whole life, where I was born and raised)

2/ Why are you living in Oaxaca?

3/ Y...te gusta? Do you like it?

4/ Do you like the food? What foods have you tried?

5/ How did you learn how to speak Spanish? It’s not bad!

Some new friends I make literally don’t even ask me what I do for work until we connect on Instagram and they see my posts — and I don’t even know what their work is for MONTHS.

The community here obviously still cares about what you do for work, but for whatever reason, it just doesn’t feel like it’s the default to ask about it, or like there’s a rush to talk about work.

And I love that.

I also adore the expansiveness of the question here in Spanish: “A qué te dedicas?”

What are you dedicated to? Devoted to?

I find that many here are multi-passionate and are dedicated to so much in their lives.

And so am I.

For years, I’ve played a secret game when meeting new people and networking. The only rules are:

1/ I won’t ever ask anyone what they do for work first (you’ll have to bring it up if we talk about it).

2/ Instead, I’ll ask every other curious question that I have to connect with who you are at the core.

What curious questions can you ask instead of “what do you do?”

How long can you go without knowing that about so