Guiding Gates Doula

Things THIS doula says. 😊

There are only so many frou-frou things I can say, LOL!

This is me wrapping up my second trimester with my second child. I had sworn I would do things differently this time.

A few weeks before Evan was born, I was working out at my local gym. Yep, you read that right! Suddenly, I was approached by a serene-looking woman who just had to compliment me for looking so beautiful and staying fit. We got to chatting, and she had the wildest proposition. She asked if I'd be interested in having her as my doula. I'd be her first birth. As crazy as the encounter seemed, my husband and I decided to go for it, knowing we had to do things differently this time.

My water broke on a Sunday, just as I was greeting our first guest at my daughter's third birthday party. The celebration went as planned, and contractions finally came around 10:00 pm. I was in and out of sleep and finally decided to call Candice my doula, who quickly met us at the hospital. Her presence made me feel so calm.

The whole birth is quite a blur, almost fourteen years later, but a couple of years ago we got to chatting about my son's birth. She remembers his hair. I remember peace. I am so thankful she was there. I am so glad we took a chance on each other.

Candice is still a doula, a successful one, at that! She's blessed nearly 250 families with her presence.

https://hypnotherapymind.com/?fbclid=IwAR2cxzYo5tIVGq2N1SaRRGWVhC75XYzkR3MI9f3gWpWPzHqWwr1SxCk4NKk

A few days ago I posted about doing placenta art, so here are my latest prints. 💗

Never in a million years did I think I'd have placentas in my fridge, let alone that I'd be painting them.

True story.

My son's tween friend walked in on me while I was making a placenta print. I tried to warn him and told him not to look. The last thing I needed was for him to tell his parents there's a crazy lady in the neighborhood who paints human organs. But he was so curious, so I explained what I was doing and how placentas work, and he was genuinely interested! I also showed him a few of the prints I've made on my phone.

He said:

"Those are cool!"
"That's a real umbilical cord?"
"You killed a lady to get that?"
"Doesn't she still need that?"

Vernix caseosa is nature's miracle lotion and has incredible properties! Hold off on giving baby his first bath. A wipe down with a damp cloth every few days will do the job.

🌟Exclusive breastfeeding at discharge is
33% greater if your baby isn't bathed within his first 24 hours of life.

🌟Baby's unwashed hands smell like amniotic fluid. Mom's areolas secrete a smell like amniotic fluid. That's why most newborns suck and smell their hands, it guides them to the breast.

🌟Hypothermia and hypoglycemia is reduced.

🌟Vernix locks in moisture and may have antibacterial properties.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32057686/

These are the conversations that happen when photographers aren't in the room capturing what birth looks like. These conversations happen long before a client walks into a hospital or talks to her midwife. These are the moments of doubt that happen even to the mother who already has three children.

Labor doesn't just exist in between strong, steady contractions. Sometimes, the slow lead up to that is where most of the work is done.

How amazing that this local service exists for families who are facing a stillbirth. 💗

"As her family navigated the loss, they found there was nothing small enough, or appropriate enough, for Kennedy to wear at her funeral.
Besides sewing, Wilson and her group also help families with funeral costs, run support groups, and train doulas to support parents through pregnancy, birth, and bereavement."

https://www.whro.org/health/2026-06-04/a-virginia-beach-moms-nonprofit-helps-families-through-pregnancy-loss-after-her-own-stillbirth?fbclid=IwY2xjawScLHhleHRuA2FlbQIxMABicmlkETJWbWdGRnRuOXpRd2J3RFllc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQQMjIyMDM5MTc4ODIwMDg5MgABHlLMhw8c_HDMlcF39_01ircGf_S4l891oNrp065NatRH7nXTUUdEqPy8EYcf_aem_YWdncwD-jF_jvExw5jgogxDNrtFU&brid=YWdncwFaJqxAXIAHtWPggJaIEKcE

A Virginia Beach mom’s nonprofit helps families through pregnancy loss after her own stillbirth National data shows Black women are about twice as likely as white women to experience stillbirth.

I've had so many clients say this to me, and it feels good to hear these words. But if I'm being honest, part of me doesn't want the compliment.

I want my clients to say:

✨We prepared so much with you that I feel like I could have done this WITHOUT you. I was able to tap into my innate wisdom and connect to my baby, so you didn't have to "troubleshoot" or prepare my labor space.

✨My partner knew exactly how to touch me and what to say, so you didn't have to step in and become a source of motivation and relief.

✨I felt confident in my body's rhythm and movement, so you didn't have to provide countless hours of physical support.

✨When plans shifted, we were able to make the right decision for our journey because you had empowered us with options, our rights, and a fierce sense of advocacy.

✨Thank you for bearing witness to the strength that was always in me. I had no doubt I could do this!

In other words, the best compliment you can give me is that I did little to nothing during labor because through my pregnancy support, you found your divine power to give birth. It's beautiful how much a woman in labor can accomplish without external influence!

I will add that some labors do require an all-hands-on-deck approach and the use of every single tool in my bag, but those should be rare if it's at home or the client goes into the hospital during active labor.

Hold up, you're telling me I got a full night's sleep by the time you called me AND I can go home in time to make dinner?

Yes, please!

Psst...local doulas tend to have hospitals and providers they refuse to work with. And it's not just one doula who feels that way.

We talk about these places and people amongst ourselves, wishing deeply that others knew too. We wish you knew that this provider isn't going to support your VBAC or that this hospital doesn't welcome doulas. We wish you knew which provider forced a woman to labor on her back or used coercion to get their way. We want you to know that the hospital you've chosen has terrible breastfeeding advice.

And yeah, I know a good doula isn't supposed to sway your decision and we should be super professional and supportive, but I can't in good conscience work with a place or provider that I know will sabotage my client's wishes. Maybe some doulas can suck it up, but not THIS one.

We are entitled to our own opinions. Our experience matters. We understand that speaking up could also put us on other people's no-no list, but I can definitely say I don't mind one bit. I didn't plan on working with them anyway.

If you ask, we'll likely share who's on our no-no list. 😉