Guiding Gates Doula

I absolutely love it when my client's mom tells me this in the middle of labor!

Truth is, I've always existed. Doulas were sisters, mothers, aunts, grandmothers, and friends. We still are, but when birth was brought into the hospital and was presented as something medical, waiting to get fixed, we got pushed into the shadows. Slowly, we stopped talking about the magic and power we possess. We lost the passed-down wisdom from our sisterhood.

𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒘𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒖𝒑 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒍𝒂𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒆𝒔, 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒔, 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒊𝒆𝒔!

Ok, I know just ONE thing is hard, but here's mine. And yep, I'm excluding diseases. It's a given that nobody wants those.

I wish the belly and uterus were transparent during labor so we could see what's going on in there!

"How police do our Black men is how the doctors do our Black women." - Teddy

The role of a doula is mostly filled by women, but Teddy is a Black male doula in TX looking to flip the script. While a man will never truly know what it's like to give birth, they can provide informational, physical, and emotional support just like any doula. Some women (and men) might even prefer the presence of a man in the labor room. It's all about giving parents options.

The video in the link is heartwarming and hopeful. Please check it out!

Follow Teddy: https://www.instagram.com/teddythedoula/

https://psyche.co/videos/birth-doulas-are-almost-exclusively-female-enter-teddy?fbclid=IwY2xjawTi5INwZG9mBGV4dG4DYWVtAjExAHNydGMGYXBwX2lkDzQwOTk2MjYyMzA4NTYwOQABHrqFLO9MwmWY8XGebxc8leYCJS9RISm6PaiJukjQw0EskKMJVieAuJK9M2XC_aem_3pg3XNLKrEkSwBJiQ3PZng

Birth doulas are almost exclusively female. Enter Teddy | Psyche Videos As a security guard and childbirth doula, Teddy challenges stereotypes of masculinity with knowledge, calm and care

A few weeks ago, I shared the things I wish I could have done differently in my birth plan seventeen years ago.

Today, I'll share parts of the birth story that I typed up soon after my daughter was born. It hurts to read it.

In preparation for our first time giving birth, my husband and I took the Bradley Method. We met with four other couples weekly and were encouraged to share our birth story with each other once our babies were born.

For the longest time, I thought the birth had gone well, even though I pretty much got nothing on my birth plan. After taking my doula course, I realized I had been lying to myself to protect myself from the truth: I had been robbed, deserved better, and should have done better.

🔸"It was time to go, but my emotional signposts were confusing; I felt fine in between contractions."
THIS is what set us up for a terrible experience. I relied on the numbers and not the feelings.

🔸"We were shocked to discover I was only 1 cm dilated. So, I continued to labor in the hospital."
I don't know why I didn't go home. I knew early labor was best at home, but I guess I got caught up in the excitement of being in labor that I mistakenly thought I'd be safe at the hospital.

🔸"James helped keep me calm, and gave me water."
I should have been a defiant patient and eaten real food.

🔸"When I was 5 cm, I had the urge to push (very bad idea). I couldn't control it. The pressure on my re**um was unbearable."
This is a clear sign of back labor. I had no real understanding of physiology. No one helped me move to fix the issue.

🔸"I got 'stuck' at 5 cm for a while and could not continue to put myself and the baby in danger since my water had broken very early."
There was never any danger. I was never stuck. We were all just impatient. I lied.

🔸"After much thought, I got an epidural to stop myself from pushing, but I stopped progressing."
Again, there was nothing wrong with my body. We had time, but I felt such a sense of urgency. At this point, I had been convinced to get an epidural.

🔸"Time was of the essence since my water broke. The risk of infection was high."
No, it wasn't. I was lied to.

🔸"The doctor, James, and I decided we needed Pitocin."
Honestly, I don't recall being given the risks, benefits, or alternatives. I'm sure we just nodded along to whatever my Dr. had said.

🔸"Marissa was born with her cord around her neck. She was alert and pink, but not crying. The nurses tried to make her cry for 30 min, but failed. She had swallowed some meconium. They decided to take her to the nursery and monitor her."
There really wasn't an issue. A nuchal cord is common and rarely dangerous. She had cleared the meconium. She never had to leave. This is the part that hurts me the most.

🔸"I didn't get to feed her. But she was brought to me early in the morning, and I immediately breastfed. She took to it very well and continues to do so."
I was lying right through my teeth. Nursing was horrible and I had lost the first five hours with her.

🔸"Although nothing went according to plan, and I got drugs, I felt we made the right decisions."
Lies, lies, lies, because saying I was scared, coerced, and didn't know what to do was to hard to admit.

🔸"Unfortunately, due to complications, we needed meds. I don't feel like a failure at all."
Need? No, I didn't. I pinned my desire for meds to complications that didn't exist. Yes, I felt like a failure.

🔸"In the end, our goal was reached: Healthy baby, healthy mother."
I wish someone had taught me that my experience mattered too. Where was the concern for my emotional state?

If during your prenatal visits, you are:

❗️Feeling rushed
❗️Feeling disrespected
❗️Not counseled on ALL your options
❗️Left with unanswered questions
❗️Pressured or coerced into something you're not OK with
❗️Are made to feel like your beliefs, experiences, and preferences don't matter
❗️Just aren't vibing with your provider

Switch practices! Any reason is a good reason. Anytime is a good time.✌️

And don't just switch to a different provider in the practice, because you just don't know who will show up during labor. And you definitely don't want to schedule an induction around someone's schedule. Trust me, it rarely works out and elective inductions are problematic.

Personally, I went through three providers with my first pregnancy and made the last switch at 32 weeks. So, yes, you should totally make the switch!

I feel so very special, thank you very much!

Hampton Roads mamas, listen up!

Kaela hosts FREE monthly classes in Hampton for prenatal and postpartum clients looking to take care of their pelvic floor and maintain their fitness.

And if you're looking for extra fitness and nutritional support, she's got you covered!

Having a mom in your corner with the right education and experience is a game-changer.

I was looking through some files and came across my nearly eighteen-year-old birth plan for my first baby. Man, if I could go back in time...

I made a few mistakes:

1. I didn't even consider using a midwife. I hired a "good" OB based on others' recommendations.

2. "Our goal is to have a healthy baby and mother." I now know that journey matters just as much as the destination.

3. I requested time to discuss our options with our doctor when I should have requested privacy to discuss them with my husband before making any decision. I put my doctor at the center of it all when it should have been me.

4. I referred to my husband as my coach. We took the Bradley Method, and while it was well-meaning at its core, looking back, it put too much pressure on my husband.

5. I agreed to routine interventions such as intermittent monitoring with the straps and a saline lock. Today, I'd choose a Doppler and no lock.

6. I agreed to only consume clear liquids. I now understand the risk of aspiration is incredibly low and that nourishment is a human right. Now I'd eat and drink how and when I please.

7. I requested minimal cervical exams and ended up getting countless checks because I was covertly coerced into them. I wish I could have stood up for myself.

8. I asked for no augmentation, but stupidly agreed to it. I even asked that they give us no time restraints and inform us of when Pitocin was being used. I got neither.

9. "Please no bottles, pacifiers, artificial ni***es, formula or water." Well, they took her for almost five hours, and I was too exhausted to care. She got formula, and I didn't pump. The path had been set for failure from the start.

"We look forward to working with you as a team to accomplish a memorable birth experience." Oh, it was memorable, alright, but for the wrong reasons.

I used to feel so much guilt and shame when I looked back at her birth. I regretted many of my decisions, but now I understand that I did my best with the skills and knowledge I had at the time. I'm not mad at myself for that.

If I could wave a magic wand and go back to redo it with what I know now, maybe I would, but maybe it also made me the doula I am today.

If giving birth were like ordering at a restaurant...

Are you walking into an Italian restaurant hoping to eat sushi?

Where you give birth matters!