Shawnicorn Mindshift Coaching- Trauma Recovery Coach

Sometimes What Looks Like Love, is Abuse| Reflection 3.5 Years Out of My Abusive Almost 22 Year Marriage.

Two Weeks Before D-Day
This photo popped up in my Google Photos today.
Valentine’s Day 2023.

Exactly two weeks before my husband and I separated.

If you looked at this picture without knowing anything else, you might think, Awww, how sweet. Her husband bought her flowers and a big-ass “I love you” balloon for Valentine’s Day.
And that's part of why I'm sharing it.

You have no idea what someone is living through based on what their life looks like from the outside.

By this point, my marriage was hell. We were fighting constantly. The week before, there had been another major incident between us. And then Valentine's Day came around and suddenly I got ALL OF THIS.
And this picture isn't even everything.

There were flowers, a two-foot-tall fu***ng gnome balloon—which is a LOT of balloon when you live in an RV 😂—chocolates, a bracelet and a card.
This was not normal for him.
He typically didn't do much for holidays on his own. So instead of this enormous display making me feel incredibly loved, I remember feeling confused.

I even brought it up in couples therapy.
This is a lot. Why now? What the f**k is going on?
At the time, I didn't completely understand what I was seeing.
Today I do.

This is what love bombing looked like in my relationship.
And I want to be really clear: buying somebody flowers, jewelry, chocolates or a ridiculously large gnome does NOT automatically equal love bombing. 😂

Patterns matter. Context matters.

In my relationship, really sh*tty things would happen. There would be fighting, hurt, chaos and behavior that left me questioning myself and my reality—and then he'd swing in the opposite direction and go above and beyond.

Then we'd eventually swing back around again.

This Valentine's Day was the most over-the-top I had ever seen it.
And something in me was finally going, Wait. This doesn't make sense.

We'd been together for more than 21 years. I had already started devouring information about narcissistic abuse, gaslighting and toxic relationship patterns because I was desperately trying to make sense of my own life. I could see parallels.

I had even gotten to the point where I could sometimes recognize behavior in real time and say, You're gaslighting me.
And I STILL couldn't fully make the connection that what I was experiencing was abuse.

Even after I got out, it took months—and friends pointing things out to me—for me to finally accept that word.
Abuse.
Nobody wants to believe that's what they've been living through.
And being abused doesn't mean you're weak.

It can take an incredible amount of strength just to survive inside something you don't yet understand, especially when you've spent years being made to question your own perception of what's happening.

I almost deleted this picture today.
I've deleted a lot of pictures from that chapter of my life, and my first instinct was, I don't need this anymore.

Then I stopped.
Because this is what I do.

I take my pain and transmute it into power.
I use my lived experience to teach because maybe somebody sees a piece of their own story in mine. Maybe somebody finally gets language for something they've been feeling but couldn't explain. Maybe somebody hears me say, I knew something didn't feel right long before I understood why, and realizes they should start paying attention to that feeling in themselves.

So I'm keeping this one.
Not because I want the Valentine's memory.
Because February 14, 2023, I looked at this scene and saw something I couldn't make sense of.

Exactly two weeks later, we separated.
Today, August 24, 2026, I can look at the exact same photograph with years of distance, education, training, healing and self-work behind me and understand what I was seeing.

Same photograph. Different eyes.

And one more reminder:
Please be kind to people.

The person posting flowers and Valentine's balloons on social media might also be living through absolute hell once the camera is put down.
You truly never know what someone else is carrying.
And if something in your own life keeps making you think, This doesn't make sense...

Pay attention.
You don't have to have all the answers yet.
Sometimes noticing is where it starts. 💗



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Coming Back to Me | August 24, 2026
Sometimes Doing Nothing IS Doing Something

Today I walked outside for the first time since Friday.
That probably doesn't sound particularly exciting, but when you live in a camper and the three steps outside your door are steep as f**k, an injured knee makes those three little steps feel a whole lot bigger. 😂

After wrenching my knee Friday, I made the decision to stay completely inside Saturday and Sunday. I found my brace Saturday morning, put it on, and I've been wearing it during the day ever since. I used my cane when I needed it. I figured out a makeshift step to make getting up into my bed easier. And mostly?
I rested.

I didn't even attempt the steps outside because I knew that if I wanted to get back to riding my motorcycle, driving my Jeep, running around, adventuring and actually living my life, I needed to give my knee the opportunity to heal.

Sometimes doing nothing IS doing something.

Today I finally decided it was time to see what those camper steps felt like.
I actually started recording before I opened the door, but then I opened it and there was my neighbor. 😂 So I stopped recording and ended up standing outside talking with her for a few minutes instead.
And you know what?
My knee did pretty damn well.

Down the steps. Back up the steps. Standing and talking for a little while. No major pain. Just some tenseness.
I'm not declaring myself magically healed. I'm simply a little further along than I was Friday night, and I'm really fu***ng thankful for that.
But these last couple days weren't only about physically resting my knee.

Yesterday was August 23rd.
My daughter's 27th birthday.
We've been estranged for a little over three years now, and historically her birthday has been a very difficult day for me. I had actually made plans for yesterday partly because I knew what day it was and didn't particularly want to spend it home alone.

Then I hurt my knee.
Plans changed.
And I spent the entire day at home anyway.

But something was different this year.
I wasn't overwhelmingly sad. I wasn't happy about the situation either. I love my daughter. I miss my daughter. I wish things were different.
And this is what it is right now.

I didn't spend the day trying to wish it away. At the end of the night, I wished her a happy birthday, told her I love and miss her, and hoped this was her best birthday yet.
And I genuinely hope it was.

Every year I seem to heal a little bit more. Every year I learn a little more about carrying something I cannot currently change without allowing it to consume me.

That's not Look at me, I'm healed.
I'm not.
I've healed a little bit more.
There's a difference.

The only way through is through.
So apparently while I was sitting around doing "nothing" this weekend, quite a bit was happening.
My knee was healing.
My heart was healing.

I was feeding myself. I was taking care of myself. I was allowing my body to rest without making myself feel guilty for it. I was allowing August 23rd to simply be August 23rd without needing to run from it.
And today I opened my door and took a few steps back into the world.

Literally. 😂

Sometimes progress looks like doing all the things.
Sometimes progress looks like three fu***ng steps outside your front door.
And sometimes doing nothing IS doing something.

Today I'm thankful that both my knee and my heart seem to be a little further along than they were before. Neither one has to be completely healed for me to recognize the progress. 💗

One day at a time. One step at a time.
Sometimes literally.




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Eat Decently, Inexpensively: Burger Edition 🍔🥑

Apparently this is becoming a thing. 😂

Dinner tonight is a smash burger—and once again, we're eating pretty damn decently without spending a fortune.

The frozen raw burgers came in an 8-pack for around $9.99, and they're big enough that one is plenty for me. I'm topping mine with pepper jack cheese, romaine, avocado, sautéed mushrooms and onions, mayo, and A1, with a pickle on the side.

But here's the part I really like: a lot of these ingredients already did another job.

The romaine? Bought for the chicken fajitas I ate earlier.

The avocado? The other half of the one I had with lunch.

The mushrooms and onions? I cooked a batch the other day, ate half then, and saved the rest.

The mayo and A1? Already in the fridge.

I'm not the budget queen, and no, Aldi isn't sponsoring me. 😂 They're just close to me and generally cheaper for the things I'm buying.

For me, eating inexpensively isn't necessarily about finding the absolute cheapest meal possible. It's about buying ingredients I can use across multiple meals, actually eating what I buy, and still making food that I WANT to eat.

Because eating on a budget doesn't have to mean eating like you're being punished for being on a budget.

Eat decently. Eat inexpensively. And use the damn avocado twice. 😂🥑



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Eat Decently, Inexpensively 🌮🥑

I called this a “struggle meal hack” in the video, but really? It’s just a way I’ve found to eat a decent meal without spending a sh*t-ton of money.

Earlier this week, I picked up one of Aldi’s refrigerated chicken fajita meal kits for around $6–$7. It’s technically a family-sized meal, but since I’m feeding one human, I got FOUR meals out of it—two tacos each time.

Then I added some inexpensive extras: tortillas, whole romaine hearts, avocado (59¢ each on sale!), sour cream, and cheese.

And that’s it.

A few dollars per meal, if that, and I’m eating something that actually feels like a meal—with fresh ingredients thrown in instead of relying entirely on frozen, boxed, or canned food.

I had actually backed away from buying a lot of fresh produce for a while because of concerns around cyclospora and started eating more processed foods instead. My body was NOT loving that arrangement. I feel better when I’m getting fresh food into my system, so I’ve been finding ways to do that while still being mindful of what I’m buying.

I’m certainly not the budget queen. 😂 But I do know that financial stress creates even MORE stress, and when money is already tight, finding little ways to stretch it matters.

It also doesn’t have to be homemade from scratch to be a decent meal.

Sometimes the hack is simply finding an inexpensive prepared base, adding a few affordable fresh ingredients, and calling it dinner.

Four times. 😂🌮



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