The Integrated Self

Someone asked me this in my workshop last week: is it possible to ever be completely secure?

Underneath her question was a second one — the one she was really asking. She said someone who's already struggling with their attachment style doesn't need to be told that something is wrong with them.

She's right.

So I told her what I do. In Parts Work — Internal Family Systems — we learn to not vilify any part, if that's the right word. There are essentially no bad parts.

Here's what that actually feels like in me. I've shown fearful-avoidant tendencies in my attachment, and I've leaned anxious too. I have a best friend where we have a secure attachment, and I still get anxious thoughts and avoidant tendencies.

So I can be both.

I have love for all of my parts. And yes — at times when they resurface, or I meet resistance, I forget and think I've regressed. Then I do the work again. I spend the time with myself. When I identify more with my higher self, I know what security feels like. Peace. Integration.

That's the shape on slide 7. Same territory, higher altitude.

So — is anyone ever completely secure? Short answer: yes. I believe healing is 100% possible.

What changes is that there's more room between your feeling and your action. A wider decision-making berth. More space for your nervous system. You make decisions from peace instead of fear.

The Integrated Self Group Program starts Wednesday, September 9. Six weeks, 11 live sessions, all recorded.

If you want to know whether it's a fit for you, send me a message and I'll tell you honestly.

One of my favorite psychologists is Carl Jung. Not only because of how he expanded on Freud’s psychoanalysis (Jung created analytical psychology), but also because he was into , the collective consciousness, and (Metaphysics is the branch of philosophy that studies the fundamental nature of reality.) He also is the founder of the term Shadow self… and much more!!

So I’m always looking for new ideas or prompts to journal from… try these out to give yourself that intellectual and Jungian flare!!

"𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒔𝒕, 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒔." & "𝑾𝒉𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒔 𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆, 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒔; 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒔 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒏𝒔."
Are there areas in your life that you are avoiding, pushing within, that sometimes bother you before bed? Is there something or a situation that is familiar that occurs and you think how did I attract this again? What do you think you need to learn from this situation?

"𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒓𝒖𝒍𝒆𝒔, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓; 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈."
Where can you bring a sense of love in your life? To your work? Your children? Someone who hurt you? Look wherever you are frustrated or feeling negative, bring love there.

“𝑨 𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒏𝒐 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔, 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎."
What are you passionate about in your life? What do you wish you could do because you are passionate about it? Discover here where you can push yourself to grow.

“𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏."
Are you looking beyond the physical? Are you guided by something greater than just your physical mind’s chatter? When we begin to challenge ourselves to live better and follow deeper, higher principles, the suffering of the world is apparent, we feel pain, our own and those oppressed in the world.

Happy Monday!

I was thinking about what I personally was going to do this week to make sure I gave myself the best opportunity to feel good mentally.🥰

And here's my list that I thought I'd share with you.🗒️
1. 𝑬𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒈𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔
I know it seems woo-woo, but think of someone who gives you energy. Now think of someone who takes your energy. So it's a thing.
😆Your thoughts are the same thing, they can take your energy or they can give you energy. Learn how to harness your thoughts. I know it seems tough but it's possible!

2. 𝑴𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕
Move your body. ESPECIALLY when you feel down and meditation, prayer, journaling, isn't working. It's a fact- movement is effective to change your emotional state!!

3. 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝒂 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒌
Go for a walk and be present. Be alone with your thoughts. Take some time with no music, no social media, and let your mind just be. Make an effort to come back to the present moment. Just give it a try and see how you feel.

4. 𝑺𝒖𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒆
Getting out of ourselves is the best way to change the me focus in our mind. Choose to do something for someone else. Be their sunshine even if you can't be your own.

5. 𝑳𝒂𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒓
😆Laugh. What a great and easy way to physiologically change our mental state and tone our abs ;). FIND something to make you laugh. Take that 5 minutes and give your brain that gift.

Some of us have rough 😓days. Some of us have 😢rougher days than others. It never hurts to remind ourselves that we can be the master of our own mind. And don't worry, I know each one of these won't work for everyone, so take what works and leave the rest.

🌟I do know that they work for me, and for my clients.

✅There's plenty more choices out there. Tell me yours.✍️

👉Know this. ANYTIME you need a boost, I am there for you. You just have to make that little step to reach out!

Now take on the week IG fam💪💛

These affirmations cover 3 important pillars:
1- EMOTIONAL: 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔. 𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒆𝒑, 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓

2. MENTAL: 𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒊 𝒂𝒎 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕, 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒐 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆, 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕, 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒓, 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇.

3. PHYSICAL: 𝑴𝒚 𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒓 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒊𝒛𝒆 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕. 𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒆𝒙𝒆𝒓𝒄𝒊𝒔𝒆. 𝑰 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒐𝒅𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚.

Focusing your mind on what you want vs what you lack is key 🔑 in change management.

If anything feels out of whack this weekend, remind yourself that everything in life is perspective and there literally is an up with every down.

So today let’s see the good, redirect our mind to the good and commit to the follow through with our actions.

What affirmation speaks to you?


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I am literally obsessed with or Internal Family Systems (can be a coach and get certified in this technique- so I’m not out of scope!)
There are lots of techniques out there that are effective, but I have been doing inner child work with myself, my friends (before coaching) and with my coaching clients since 2004 (not joking first letter to my inner child that broke my pattern of using men for attention was in 2004) and it is PROFOUND.
Internal Family systems aka parts work is an expanded version of inner child work, where different voices in your psyche are personified- whether they are creating harm or protecting you.
Where we get into trouble when overcoming issues, is when we push down those voices and ignore them. When we do this, we stay ignorant to what they are trying to accomplish.
When we start looking at every character defect or poor coping mechanism as having a role in our lives, essentially, an intent to help us in a way, then we can understand ourselves that much better.
The personifying is key and I promise it's quite a mind spin. To actually dialogue with yourself and get into the "character" of these voices can be mind blowing. I'm not exaggerating. I've done this work and integrating it more with my clients. I'm just a baby at utilizing it, but already have seen it's worth.
I'm SO excited to have this tool. If you are curious, I'm giving away free sessions to give myself more practice.
Set up a discovery call! Link in bio.
Happy Thursday friends~ from your health/gut coach turned life coach turned grad student in counseling... look at that plethora of knowledge that can be included in your coaching ;)

It’s free. What are you waiting for?

Monday meanderings. Deep thoughts and belly breaths!

I have not always been that confident. And I still struggle (obviously). I mean if you know me personally or have read enough of my posts, you see me tell feelings of fear, not feeling good enough and ya honestly some down right personal issues that seem almost cringey.

But that's MY story. And part of my story is learning how to lose the "what people think" mindset or the followers I lose or for that matter, the followers I gain. Being literally like, I do not care how this comes across because this is my life!

Business plays a part but these days, the pain, the authenticity, the disclosure is becoming more and more what we hunger to let out. And hunger to see and feel. 💯

I don't want to just know about the weight someone lost, I want to know how some days it's hard to get going or eat the right thing or to be married or single, working at a corporate office or doubting your career choice or ability to be a parent.

And then I want you to tell me how you got through it. Are you better? Will that thinking come back? Is it ok if it comes back? (what even determines ok)
And through you, I feel seen. Through me relating, YOU feel seen.

So ya there are some that travel this road of life and don't really "get" the low self esteem, self depracating nature some of us have or have the same deep wounds of addiction, eating disorders, relationships that never quite hit the happy mark, and that is ok. My people are the people that show up with their scars and proudly show them.

My people are the ones that say, yep, I was an as***le. Or I don't necessarily agree, but I see how you could feel that way. Or the ones that say, hey I need help, what can I do to be better?

Nothing like some deep thoughts for a Monday? My posts are always reflecting something I am thinking about, encountering and hoping to inspire others in an authentic way.

I hope you touch someone's soul today with your authenticity. And then I hope you share that. If you don't have anyone to share it with, you have my DM's.

Happy Monday to all of the souls that have burned 🔥so hard that they became ashes and had to start anew.
I 🫶 you!

Some Thursday inspiration.

Listen to the longings of your soul.

Honor the pull at your heart and mind and body.

Be true to yourself and trust your intuition.

Take a risk and be vulnerable when youare uncomfortable. See what doing hard emotional things feels like. Oh! The freedom that it brings.

𝙎𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙀 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙎𝘼𝙑𝙀!

𝑴𝒚 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒂 𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚:
(𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕞 𝕆𝕣𝕚𝕒𝕙 𝕄𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝔻𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕣- "𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝗻𝘃𝗶𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻")
“It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stay in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.”

The other day I discussed how stress affects the body.

Let's take a look at a few of the ways that stress can affect our 🅜🅘🅝🅓.

𝑴𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏: Stress can impact a person's cognitive abilities, including memory and concentration. >>They may have trouble remembering details or completing tasks that require sustained focus.
>>This can be especially problematic at work or school, where performance depends on cognitive abilities

𝑺𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒑: Stress can interfere with a person's ability to get a good night's sleep. They may struggle to fall asleep, wake up frequently during the night, or wake up feeling unrefreshed.
>>Chronic sleep problems can lead to fatigue, irritability, and difficulty concentrating during the day.

Stress can affect our :
𝑬𝒎𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍- 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈, leading to feelings of anxiety, depression, irritability, and mood swings. It can also affect their ability to focus and make decisions, and cause a lack of motivation and energy. >>This can affect relationships: Prolonged stress can strain relationships with family, friends, and coworkers. 𝑰𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 a person to 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒘 from social situations, become more argumentative, and feel less connected to others.😔

There are so many more ways that we are affected.

𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚞𝚗𝚎𝚍 for an upcoming post 📝on stress relieving tips!