Finding Yourself In Menopause

When it comes down to it, most of my clients want the same thing.

Whether I’m working with them to find direction and restore the relationship with themselves at midlife, or whether it’s a group sound bath to feel more attuned to self.

They’re all different people, I mean.. age range, gender, experiences, backgrounds, interests, concerns.

The one thing that unites them (probably without them knowing about it) is they are all highly capable people experiencing their own flavour of sustained internal strain, and uncertainty.

Whilst also longing for steadiness, relief, reconnection with themselves and a softer relationship with life.

I mean, they’re tired. Bone tired. Not just lack of sleep.

They’re coping and getting on with life.

But it’s at the expense of themselves, in a way they just weren’t prepared for.

Wanting to put ‘everything’ down to be able to focus on themselves again, but for multiple different reasons unable to.

Life is complicated and messy.

That’s one reason why I make what I do as simple as I can. Simple to gain from without having to spin yet another plate. Effective in its simplicity.

It’s at the root of all my work. Whether it’s midlife health we’re talking about and finding direction for.

Or a sound bath, where there’s less focus on what is said and more on what is felt.

Let me know if you can relate, with an emoji or a few words of encouragement - maybe for yourself or others reading this 🤗

Five things you're allowed to want*

*midlife and menopause edition

1.) A day filled with your favourite things

2.) To take up space without apologising for it

3.) Rest without having to 'earn' it

4.) Food that makes you happy

5.) Goals and dreams of your own

Anything you’d add?

I changed my mind a few years ago and it's okay if you didn't notice.

I mean, the 'right' people noticed, and that was exactly why I did it.

I stopped writing posts that were all about symptoms, 'nutrition for hormones', and quick tips on getting through menopause.

Because honestly, the work I was doing with clients was telling me a different story about what was really needed.

Not just green leafy veg, two litres of water and recommending the latest brand of vaginal lubricant - as transformational as those things can be. Us midlifers need a lot more than that if we're to make it through peri-menopause intact.

And that's the thing. Many of us feel like we're unravelling; the health and body rule book in the bin.
Not just physical stuff. It's the mental journey we go on alongside all that. Our very own odyssey, in a way.

It's wild and it starts way before you'd imagine.
By the time you recognise you're on the peri menopause path, chances are you've already been on it a good while.
Because none of it is JUST about hormones.

It all happens at the same time. Life and hormones. They interact with each other in a massive way.
That's why I get so itchy when I hear the crowds say 'just take HRT', because there's no 'just' when it comes to midlife.

About five years into my coaching practice I started to have these deeper conversations, about change. About what it means, for that woman, that person in front of me. And we talked more about her wants not just her needs.

The anger, the grief, fear, pride, the plans and promises. The need for stability, the craving for change. The internal questioning, feeling adrift, and the embracing of it all.

The seeking of something and then to find themselves - to find they are okay and living well, amongst all of that messiness.
That's what I flippin LOVE about my clients and my work with them.

I stopped making it all about food, or exercise, or supplements, or quick fixes, because although those things do help - my clients need more than that.

And it felt like a sigh of relief because, finally, I gave myself permission to open the door, to see the whole view instead of just peeping through the spy hole at just one teeny part of it.

Nervous system regulation…
isn’t about ‘achieving’ a state of calm that suppresses all the s**t 💩 you’re carrying.

It’s a term that gets used a lot in my work, because midlife and menopause bring about changes that can affect how we might manage ourselves and our emotions and our overall capacity.

I see a lot of posts on here talking about the nervous system, much of it inaccurately, which could be both reckless and harmful.

Regulation isn’t meant to imply never feeling anxious or angry or sad or overwhelmed.
It’s feeling those things, responding to them and gradually finding your way back to yourself.

💜

I’ve had this shirt since I was 12 years old. I just can’t get rid of it now.

Let’s be honest, it’s not really for the fashion statement 😆

In holding onto it, I carry myself as a quiet and unsure child, and as teenager, awkward and angry. Out the other side to my 20’s, full of hope and bravado.
And through my 30's, a time of searching and not quite finding.

Now, a few weeks from my 47th birthday, I’m more aware than ever of all these previous versions of me. We’re all still wearing the same shirt.

In all the years of moving around, packing and unpacking, sorting through piles of things to keep and give away, this shirt will always remain in my ‘to keep’, pile
(and only worn whilst camping 😆)

It’s important somehow.

To get rid of it now after all this time would feel like abandoning myself.
Casting her adrift.

I just can’t do that to her.

We all change, and find multiple versions of ourselves through the decades.

Growing and evolving - not so much because of age but because of time providing experiences, so that the relationship to ourselves deepens, expands.
And every version of me is carried within.

There was a time I held her out away from me.
Now I hold her close.

Do you have items of clothing that feel more than just fabric to you?

There's so much I should be doing. I just feel stressed and overwhelmed by it all.

People talk about balance like it's the magic solution. But that can feel so out of reach when you're juggling work / children / ageing parents / your own self care.
And as lovely as they are, your own capacity is taking the hit.
That's before I get started on the low motivation.

If it feels like this for you, and you resent anyone suggesting you should 'just' find more time for yourself. Whilst at the same time longing to be able to slow down long enough to feel less weary.

Perhaps what you need is a way of untangling what's really going on, rather than launching yourself into a longer to-do list, or trying to force yourself to meditate on the sofa and feeling bad about it.


My one to one coaching isn't about trying harder at the things you feel you're failing at.
It's about taking a fresh approach to a long-standing problem.

You've been carrying a lot for a long time, the uncertainty of midlife and menopause have made it all more complicated and it's got really hard to see where you're going.

With my Whole Woman Wellness method, I help women to navigate midlife with practical and evidence-informed support.

We consider the whole picture (not just symptoms) and we dare to consider what you want this stage of life to look like.

Together we create a way forward that feels realistic and sustainable. Ultimately, it's about building the physical and mental capacity to live life in a way that feels more like your own again.

If you'd like to explore working together, send me a message and we'll have a chat.

I’m just back from meeting an interesting chap with a very bold and exciting plan in Edinburgh, that I may become part of!

First though, what I really wanted to say was..
walking through the busy streets today, I caught a glance of myself in a shop window, as you do.

And do you know what I saw first?
My big wobbly thighs and my not so small wobbly tummy.

What happened next?

I smiled. At my own reflection.
And then made a conscious decision to get cross with all the warped attitudes and societal beliefs that have led me to notice these very normal things about my appearance, before noticing anything else.

No shame, no embarrassment, just me and my body walking along like a normal human who happens to have skin and fat and muscle on show, during a heatwave 🥵

No resolve to cut my calories or never wear shorts again. No hiding. Because it’s really no big deal.

I have a body. I am not changing it, in any way, to fit unattainable standards of ‘beauty’.

I accepted my body and all that it can do for me, many years ago.
How crazy that those very old stories run so deep that it almost caught me out today.

But nope. I win again.

6 hills I’m willing to die on (midlife edition):

⛰️ Menopause is not a simple hormone problem. It’s a life transition. Identity, energy, boundaries, priorities.
All of it shifts, as well as hormones.

⛰️Exercise in midlife is not about punishment.
Shrinking yourself is no longer the goal.
We are trying to stay capable, mobile, and independent for decades to come.

⛰️ Health isn’t measured by how well you keep going.
If the wheels are silently coming off, and you’re just about holding it together whilst everyone else thinks you’re coping.. then something needs to change and it’s not going to be about adding yet more to your to-do list.
Coping isn’t the same as thriving. You deserve better than that.

⛰️ Rest is productive.
Not lazy or something to earn. It’s a genuine foundation of health not something to squeeze in after everything else is done.
Helping women with this is one of the most challenging and rewarding parts of my job.

⛰️ Small, repeated habits change your health far more than dramatic resets.
AKA the boring stuff works but only when it’s NOT about making yourself into the next big project.
Walks. Sleep (I know, not always easy). Food. Rest. Muscle and heart health. Community.

⛰️ Midlife women do not need to be ‘fixed’. We need space to hear ourselves again, to be ourselves again.

This is the work I care about.
Quiet yet powerful change, not reinvention.

What’s a hill you’re willing to stand on these days?

We used to call it exercise, now it's 'training'
It used to be food, now it's 'nutrition'
It used to be feeling stressed, now it's 'nervous system dysregulation'
It used to be getting older, now it's 'longevity'
It used to be a routine, now it's 'habit stacking'
It used to be sleep, now it's 'sleep optimisation'

Is the world okay??

If taking care of yourself has become yet another thing to get 'right', we need to talk!

I'm really not sure all the fancy words have made us any healthier or happier.
Can we go back to simple and effective again, please? 😅