Eilish Saba Coaching - Executive & Transition Coach

Nobody tells you what going back to work after maternity leave actually feels like...

Going on maternity leave is a strange, singular moment.

You leave in the last weeks of pregnancy, heavier, exhausted, desperate to lie on your stomach again. Excited to meet your baby, but quietly anxious about the sleep deprivation, the feeding schedule, the building project you've somehow taken on at the worst possible time (we were doing the loft, the ongoing suspense of whether the builders would show up was its own adventure).

You hand everything over, tie up loose ends, make sure clients know who to call. Then you step away from a career you've been charging at and suddenly you have time, for the first time in years, to actually look back at it. That pause is rare and it can be quietly powerful.

I remember the strangeness of being in my neighbourhood mid-week, mid-morning, seeing a whole world of people I'd never noticed before, the bustle of Northcote Road at 11am. Those few weeks of rest before everything changes are precious, even when you don't realise it at the time.

Because then everything does change.

You're responsible for someone else now. You can't sleep until they sleep. You can't leave unless they're cared for. The person you were before is still you, but changed, permanently, with new priorities layered on top of everything else.

Good friends on mat leave with you can make an enormous difference, especially when you miss your colleagues and the rhythm of an office.

And then comes the return.

Can you even remember your passwords?

What's changed while you were gone?

What are you going to wear?

How do you walk back in, after everything that's happened, and pretend nothing has?

The confidence knock is real as is the guilt of leaving your baby behind. But so is the quiet thrill of using your brain again, of being purposeful, efficient, intentional in a way you never quite were before.

You find yourself unwilling to waste time on things that don't matter. You have a sharper sense of what you want your career to look like and how you're going to go after it differently this time.

But for some people, it doesn't feel that clean.

It can feel like you don't quite belong. Like people are watching, expecting you to be tired, expecting you to need to prove yourself. The throwaway comments about "proving yourself now you're back" land harder than they should. Things that never used to bother you suddenly do. You feel like you're under a magnifying glass.

Often it's about getting perspective, rebuilding confidence, finding your footing in a life that looks genuinely different from the one you left.

That's exactly what I work on with people in my back to work coaching sessions.

One thing many returners don't realise is you can often ask your employer to fund it. Many managers have a personal development budget that quietly goes unused and coaching sits squarely within it.

So if you're heading back after mat leave and navigating that strange in-between, the new juggle, the knock to your confidence, the question of what you actually want now, I can help.

Drop me a message or comment below.

Have you ever had someone do something small and it stayed with you for weeks?

A welcome note left on your desk when you came back from maternity leave, a colleague who remembered your hospital appointment.

Over the years I've come to realise that more often than not, people are dealing with something you don't know about.

I've become much more conscious of that when I talk to people, or observe the way they're behaving with others or with me.

Perhaps they have a parent that's unwell,
a child who's struggling at school,
a relationship going through a tricky patch.
They could be waiting on medical results,
going through fertility treatment, or navigating perimenopause.

Especially at work, most people try hard to pretend everything is fine, not wanting to draw attention to themselves or go into the details of what's really going on.

It's incredibly hard to hide your emotions when you're going through something unsettling.

It usually comes out somehow
an overreaction in a meeting,
an abrupt message,
an over criticism of something small.

Working with clients recently, I've seen people assume that a manager suddenly being unusually harsh and overly controlling was about them, when actually on reflection they realised it was actually their manager who was struggling with something.

Just being aware that there might be something going on for someone else can completely change how you see a situation and how you respond.

It might only take a few minutes to change how someone feels and it might stay with them for weeks.

When did someone do something small that meant the world to you?

Just returned to work after maternity leave?

Are you running on two hours' sleep wondering how you'll get through today's client meeting?

Are you constantly scrambling to juggle childcare and work and feeling like you're failing at both?

Are you panicking every time your phone rings incase it's nursery saying your child is sick?

Are you lying awake at night wondering if you can actually do this?

You're not alone.

- 72% of returning mothers struggle to juggle childcare responsibilities.
- 35% feel their work set-up is unsustainable.
- 47% of those unsatisfied with support plan to leave within the year.

{Source: From Labour Ward to Labour Force Report -
The Female Lead & Peanut App (November 24)}

I work with mums in financial services and corporates navigating the return to work after maternity leave.

I help you work through challenges, make a plan and take action, so you can stay in the job you’ve worked so hard for.

Feel free to get in touch to learn how I can help.

Thinking of a career change? Burnt out from the juggle of work, kids and life. How a coach can help you move forward.

Perhaps a different company would be more flexible ? Maybe you could do something on your own. Maybe you just know this isn't sustainable anymore.

You mention it to a close friend over coffee.

She reminds you how good you are at your job, questions whether you can afford to walk away from the salary, brings up that you tried looking before that didn't work out. Maybe suggests you're just stressed and need a proper holiday or that things will improve.

Suddenly you're defending yourself - explaining, justifying. You leave feeling more confused than when you started, wishing you'd never bought it up, wondering if things will get better even though deep down you know they probably won't.

Your friends have a story about who you are. That story helps them make sense of you. It also locks you in place.

Psychologist Daniel Kahneman showed that once people form an impression of you, their brains unconsciously filter new information to keep that story intact. It's called confirmation bias.

They struggle to see the new version of you clearly because their brain keeps defaulting to the version they already know.

In coaching, there's no story yet.

A coach meets you fresh. They don't need to keep you the same and they don't need to reconcile this new version of you with who you've been for the last 20 years. Instead there's space to explore ideas without fighting against others fixed idea of you.

Friends are brilliant for many things. But helping you completely reinvent yourself? That asks them to do something their brain actively resists. Sometimes you need someone with no story about you. This is where a good coach can help.

If this resonates and you'd like to explore coaching, I'd be happy to have an initial conversation to work out a plan.

Sometimes the people who know us least can help us most.
This is because, unlike your friends, they're not emotionally invested in the outcome.

Maybe you're thinking about a change this year, a relationship decision, a career move, moving to a new location.

When you talk to friends about it, part of your brain is always monitoring: Do they approve? Am I worrying them? What does this mean for our relationship?

Psychologist Carl Rogers discovered that people need something termed "unconditional positive regard" to explore themselves honestly. What this means is being accepted completely, without judgment and without someone needing you to be or do anything in particular.

A coach has no stakes in your decision. They won't be hurt if you make a different choice. They don't have any expectations of you.

This distance can be liberating as it creates a rare space where you can think without emotional interference and where you can explore possibilities without managing someone else's feelings about them.

New Year, new clarity, but why doesn't advice stick?

January, the month of fresh starts, new goals, big decisions.
Maybe you're thinking about a career change, a relationship shift, finally doing that thing you've been putting off. Something needs to change and you know it.

You talk to friends and they give you advice, good advice. Practical stuff that makes total sense.

Yet somehow, you still don't do it, why?

According to research by psychologist Richard Boyatzis: when someone gives us advice, we're receiving their solution. When we work something out ourselves, we're creating our solution. Our brain is wired to commit to our own ideas in ways it simply won't for someone else's.

Friends can't help but give advice, it's what caring people do. You share a problem, they want to fix it. But what can happen is, you came to think and now you're receiving. You came to explore what you want and now you're managing their opinion of what you should do.

This is where coaching works differently.

"What's drawing you toward this change?"
Silence, space to think.
"What would success look like for you?"
More space to think.
"What are you most afraid of?"
Permission to be honest.

A coach isn't withholding advice to be difficult, they're creating space for you to hear yourself think.

When you develop your own insights, you're more committed to action, you're more satisfied with outcomes and fundamentally you're more likely to actually follow through and make a change.

If now is your time to finally get clear on what you want, not what makes sense to everyone else, but what actually feels right for you, coaching can create that space.

Over the next few days, I'll be sharing more about what coaching actually is and how it's different from just chatting with friends.

Why family gatherings can feel so intense (and some tips on how to navigate them)

There's a psychological reason family gatherings can feel overwhelming.

It's called Transactional Analysis, and it explains why you can be a fully functioning adult in your normal life, then walk into a family gathering and suddenly feel like you're twelve again.

According to this framework, we all have three ego states: Parent, Adult, and Child. These aren't about your actual role in the family - your real parent might act like a sulky child, or your sibling might lecture you like a disapproving parent.

In normal life, most of us operate as Adults - rational, capable, and in the present.

Then we walk into a family gathering and something strange happens. People slip into these old ego states. Suddenly it's like everyone's performing a play from years ago.

You might find yourself feeling or acting younger than you actually are (Child mode), or getting critical and bossy (Parent mode). Others might treat you like you're still that person from the past.

These patterns were set years ago when everyone was working out how to navigate the family system, but nobody updated the script.

Here's three tips to stay grounded (and sane!) - keeping you in your 'Adult self' even when others around you regress.

- Notice when you're slipping - catch yourself whining, sulking, or being overly critical. Just noticing it helps you step back.

- Pause before responding - take a breath. Respond as the adult you are now, not from old patterns.

- Let them regress - they can slip into old modes. You don't have to fix it or join in (even though it can be hard not to).

You can't control whether others slip into old patterns, but you can refuse to join them.

Just had this lovely testimonial in from a client I worked with this year.

She'd been in the Civil Service for 22 years and knew she wanted to leave, but had no idea where to start.

Over our time together, she did the hard work of figuring out what she actually wanted, and I'm so proud of her.

She starts her new role in January and I couldn't be more excited for her.

This is what coaching is about - creating space for someone to find their own clarity and direction and supporting them along the way.

Coaching vs Mentoring: What's the difference?

Mentoring is having an experienced guide who's walked your path before - sharing what worked, what didn't, helping you avoid their mistakes.

Coaching is different.

Think of it like a tandem bike: you're in front, steering towards your goals. I'm behind you - adding momentum, asking the questions you avoid asking yourself, and holding you accountable to what you said you wanted. "Where do you want to go?" "What's stopping you?" "Last time you said X was a priority - what happened?"

A mentor shares their map and tells you which route to take.

A coach helps you choose your own direction and keeps you honest about whether you're actually going there.

With the right coach you can see more clearly, move more confidently, and follow through on what matters to you.