Efficiency is normally seen as a good thing.
After all, why wouldn’t you prefer to save energy, time and effort so that you have some left over, rather than constantly driving yourself into the ground?
But what if that desire to be more efficient was not only being driven by that reasonable desire but also by a wound?
What if efficiency was also a way to avoid the fear of not being of control? And then Bad Things might happen...
The wounded inner child (the part of you that didn’t get her needs met) is always looking to create safety via control.
Efficiency often comes into this.
Here I share my two new ‘mantras’ to help me to continue to heal the new layer of this wound which emerged this summer (in case this also resonates with you!)♥️
The Innerchild Healing Expert
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I support mothers to become the conscious parents and connected partners they want to be through healing their inner child Hi!
My name is Lavinia Brown and I'm a psychodynamic coach that supports mothers to heal their inner child, integrate their past, stop history repeating itself and become the mothers THEY want to be (not who society or their families tell them they 'should' be)!
11/08/2026
Your children never stop teaching you. Just as life itself is one big lesson if you can see it this way.
By seeing the learning in whatever you are experiencing, you are learning to detach yourself from it emotionally.
To no longer see yourself as a victim, having something done 'to' you, to no longer take things personally, to no longer feel powerless and helpless to change things.
This is what frees you up to take back control of what you are going to do with that new insight into yourself and the room for growth it has exposed.
It also frees up the relationship dynamic with your children to be what it IS rather than what you feel it SHOULD be.
No more unrealistic expectations. No more value judgements based on your own childhood. No more triggered reactions or feeling disrespected.
No-one can make you feel anything. They can merely stir up old, unprocessed self-limiting beliefs from your past.
Seeing a reaction or a behaviour as an opportunity to learn something new and show up in a more aligned way puts adult you back in charge, empowering you to take action rather than remaining stuck in a cycle of passivity.
Try it out and see how it works : )
Here are some of the ways in which you can work with me when you are ready: online, self-led foundational course (Finding Freedom); online supported programme alongside twice-monthly group coaching calls (Making Peace With Your Past), or one-to-one guidance (Private Client work) ♥️
09/08/2026
One of the most validating results of inner child healing is allowing your magical inner child to shine through once the wounded inner child feels safe again.
The magical inner child is full of awe and wonder at the world. She is there for the joy, the magic, the colour, the music, the dancing, the movement, the sheer thrill of being present and experiencing sensations in her body.
She is not attached to any form of being. She has no heavy sense of identity and who she should be.
She doesn't carry the burden of duty or of misplaced loyalty to anyone that doesn't feel right in the moment.
She is there for the now, for the sensations and for the thrill of being alive.
A couple of weeks ago I chaperoned my two teenage girls to their second music 'festival'. They were so excited about going that they even persuaded me to cut short our holiday in order to attend.
And because I got carried away by their excitement and wanted them to be proud (or to at least accept my attire) rather than be that embarassing mum archetype so I allowed them to dress me.
This meant wearing a 'dress' that I basically hang out of - in fact, I've only ever worn it as a t-shirt, it's so short - and to make peace with the parts of my body I been on a long and arduous relationship since I was a tween: my legs.
And not only that, to accept them in their aged form: with bumps and lumps and cellulite and saggy knees and all the delights that you notice once you hit 50.
My first reaction was, I can't wear this at my age. They told me outfits were ageless. Then I said, I felt silly. They told me to get over myself. I said I felt like I was mutton dressed as lamb. And as teenagers, they didn't even get that bit.
So I did for them. And then I realised I'd also done it for me. It was about time.
And as a result, out came the magical inner child: concerned far more with the music, movement, connection and feelings available that night than how I looked or might be perceived by others.
Let yourself be inspired by your kids, mama. I highly recommend it ❤️
07/08/2026
You don't need to change your words or actions to be the parent your child needs.
You need to release whatever block is getting in the way of you feeling self-loving enough and safe enough to be fully embodied.
THIS is what your children are trying to connect with when they are acting clingy. This is what they they want more of when they ask you to play longer or better or want one more story or for you to pay attention more.
They want to FEEL you. Not just see you. And presence comes from embodiment.
This is what makes them feel safe - that you are there, that they can be freely authentic without jeopardizing your dynamic, that you are the strong leader they need when they feel like they can't cope.
To become embodied YOU need to feel safe. Which means doing the work to move from shame to acceptance. From self-loathing or rejection to self-love and compassion.
Good parenting stems from self-love not tactics. And that's all within reach, within you.
Here are some of the ways in which you can work with me when you are ready: online, self-led foundational course (Finding Freedom); online supported programme alongside twice-monthly group coaching calls (Making Peace With Your Past), or one-to-one guidance (Private Client work) ♥️
05/08/2026
I did a thing!
Actually I did a couple of things.
I blame the full moon. Or decamping to SE Asia for a month. Or being 50 and so caring alot less about what others think. Or now having three teenagers who are watching my every move and so acting with integrity counts even more. Or being able now to allow a desire to evolve over time and spot the perfect moment to act on it...
Who knows.
Either way, this month I not only got a tattoo (after the inclination emerged over 30 years ago) making concrete a relationship with Asian dragons that I’ve been nurturing for just as long.
I made my largest ever purchase and probably my most exciting investment, in the form of a painting by my hugely talented friend Miranda Boulton (having waited for the right moment and piece for 13 years).
And I also committed to:
❤️truly and wholeheartedly listening to my body and acting on its needs whatever these are (however much I don’t want to hear what its communicating)
❤️making my biggest ever investment in my business so that I can not only grow the community of healing mamas I support but also become the business I want to be rather than just a coach with a website
❤️finally healing my childhood se**al trauma through hypnosis so that my body no longer has to bear the consequences
❤️closing our 7 year Spanish chapter by selling our house so that we can create a life that feels more in alignment with the changing needs of our family
As a Virgo, I don’t much like loose ends so bringing certain parts of my life and identity to a close and fanning emerging sparks to ignite new pathways feels very exciting.
I’m so grateful to you mamas - my community - for joining me on this wild ride that is Becoming Yourself!
xx
PS. Dragon fire: “Current of universal healing energy available to all humans. Dissolves the false identities behind your problems and resolves your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual issues.” Now who wouldn’t want a bit of that?
01/08/2026
It is very common for fear and resistance to come up when considering healing your past. Such as:
➡️what if your healing causes a rift between you and your parents?
➡️will shining a light on how they weren’t there for you in the way that you needed them to be make you see them differently?
➡️will focusing on how some aspects of your childhood were difficult make you forget the aspects that were good?
➡️will your current relationship with your parents deteriorate if you acknowledge their part in the pain you experienced and how can you ringfence what you have?
The truth is, acknowledging your parents as the flawed human beings (and parents) that they are (just as you are a flawed human being and parent) doesn’t detract from what you had, it enhances it.
Focusing on the pain of your past in order, precisely, to release old stuck feelings and consciously process them, means that you will no longer be carrying them, which means they will no longer get in the way of acceptance of your parents of who they are and how they behave(d).
The good parts aren’t forgotten, they are heightened, as your compassion for your inner child, provokes compassion for their inner children and the reasons they are the way that they are.
Healing leads to a more meaningful and more authentic relationship based on adult you relating to adult them, rather than a dependent inner child needing them to show up in a way that they may not be able to.
And all of this work means you are not passing stuff on to your own children unconsciously. So they don’t have to do it too.
Here are some of the ways in which you can work with me when you are ready: online, self-led foundational course (Finding Freedom); online supported programme alongside twice-monthly group coaching calls (Making Peace With Your Past), or one-to-one guidance (Private Client work) ♥️
26/07/2026
Guilt and shame sit at the very bottom of David Hawkin’s ‘Map of Consciousness’ with the lowest of all vibrations.
This makes sense given how they are experienced viscerally - they can feel dense, heavy, hard to shift and can often colour anything else you might be feeling at the same time.
Exploring the frequencies of each of the emotions you often find yourself experiencing therefore makes sense, especially given how these also affect not only your loved ones but also those you are attracting into your life and the type of existence (and health) that you are creating for yourself.
Learning how to release whatever denser energies are stuck in order to move into the higher band of frequencies where acceptance, peace and love sit is therefore essential.
Which is, in a nutshell, exactly what inner child work helps you to do ❤️
🎙️ Tune into the latest episode of Becoming Untriggered podcast - How Repressed Emotions Affect Your Health and Relationships (via Apple Podcasts or Spotify) to learn more!
16/07/2026
The women with whom I work usually fall into one of two categories: those who are scared of tapping into their anger and those who find it hard to be vulnerable.
The former are very good at being vulnerable; the latter are great at showing anger (I was one of these).
There’s a reason for this.
And it depends on which of these two emotions (which are actually two sides of the same coin) was deemed more acceptable in your home when you were growing up.
And also whether one or the other was expressed in an out-of-control way by a primary caregiver (therefore putting you off it) or not.
Whichever emotion was judged as ‘unacceptable’ (either directly or indirectly - by criticising others who expressed it), you probably avoided or repressed when it came up, giving the appearance of being regulated but actually just stifling what may have come out in other ways - in self-harming behaviours for example.
The key to healing is to explore your past and the way that you were brought up, including the beliefs you inherited from your parents, in a compassionately curious way.
This is how you give yourself permission to feel in a way that your parents perhaps weren’t able to.
Here are some of the ways in which you can work with me when you are ready: online, self-led foundational course (Finding Freedom); online supported programme alongside twice-monthly group coaching calls (Making Peace With Your Past), or one-to-one guidance (Private Client work) ♥️
12/07/2026
The number one trait needed for your kids to thrive is that they feel SAFE.
Not just safe from physical harm but safe to be themselves - safe to be authentic and know that this behaviour will not jeopardise the connection that you share, even if it’s behaviour that you (or your parents) don’t find acceptable.
They need to know that even if their behaviour feels uncomfortable to you or threatens to cross a boundary you’ve set or comes across as defiant, rude, unreasonable or entitled, that you will love them (despite not liking the behaviour in that moment).
This is the internal, emotional safety that is the foundation stone for their self-acceptance, self-compassion, self-worth and self-love.
Something you may still struggle with if your parents weren’t able to show you love in the unconditional way you are trying to rolemodel to your children.
The great news is, it’s never too late to heal your own past.
And your own kids - through the way that they push your buttons and are unconsciously demanding that you become whole - are on the ride with you.
Creating safety for them so that they can be authentic AND loved, and attempting to behave with them in ways that you didn’t get to enjoy yourself is also creating the safety for yourself to be authentic now AND feel loved.
🎙️ Find out more about your (conscious and unconscious) influence on your kids in our latest Becoming Untriggered podcast episode: Are You Raising an Entitled Child? | How Childhood Trauma Shapes Your Parenting. Tune in on You Tube, Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
09/07/2026
Your job as a human - in order to feel present with whatever is actually going on (rather than your judgement of it in your head) and to lead a life of ease and inner peace - is to be a clear, open channel for whatever feelings are passing through you.
E-motions (or energy-in-motion) don’t want to get stuck in you. They want to flow through and out of you.
And if you don’t allow them to do this - through repressing them in some way - this is exactly what your children will pick up from you.
Not the ‘brave face’ nor the respectful parenting ‘script’ but the raw feelings that you have not allowed yourself to feel from your past, as well as the emotions you haven’t given yourself permission to feel about the present.
So if you can’t work out why your child is playing up, ask yourself what repressed emotional baggage you might be carrying that they can detect?
And whether their feelings are actually mirroring yours?
And start the innerwork to release it all!
Here are some of the ways in which you can work with me when you are ready: online, self-led foundational course (Finding Freedom); online supported programme alongside twice-monthly group coaching calls (Making Peace With Your Past), or one-to-one guidance (Private Client work) ♥️
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