Young Adult Life Coach Ann Gerrard

If Young Adults Numb Themselves From Feeling - Here's What's Waiting Underneath It…
Monday, we talked about the difference between numbing yourself through gaming, scrolling, or drinking - whatever gets you out of your own head fastest - versus releasing what you're carrying.

If you recognized yourself in this, here's the next honest question to ask:
What happens once you stop numbing down those feelings that are trying to get your attention? They want you to tackle what's actually underneath, once the distractions stop doing their job.

Deep within is the real you. Those parts of yourself you've been avoiding by staying busy, distracted, or checked out. There is real information, guidance, and direction there. What's needed is quiet time, focused attention, and the courage to face the good, the bad, and the ugly of what you may have been dreading to pay attention to, because you don't know how to cope with it all.

With support, once you face these collective issues and learn how to manage them, they do become less intense, less persistent. You can become less fearful and anxious - because dealing with them allows you the ease, now, to move past and forward, toward more balance and calm.

Re-connecting with yourself isn't about becoming someone new. It's about finally meeting the person who's been buried under everyone else's expectations, the old coping mechanisms, and the constant noise.
That's exactly the work The Unburying is built for - no fixing, no handing you someone else's blueprint for what your life ‘should’ look like, but helping you excavate what's actually yours, and build from there.
You don't have to figure it out alone, and you don't have to have it all figured out before you start.

Link in bio for a complimentary 20-minute chat.

Irritability and Anger From Your Young Adult…
Your young adult snaps, or shuts down with irritation, over something that seems small - and you're left wondering what you did wrong!
They can be tired. Tired of answering worried questions about what's going on, when honestly, they don't fully know themselves what's going on inside. They might answer the surface stuff -work, school, the basics - but push past that, and irritation shows up fast.

Anger often comes from a different place. It happens when you, the parent, unknowingly hits a nerve - asks a question your young adult has no real answer for, one they've likely been avoiding even asking themselves. Sometimes it's overcompensation, a loud cover for anxiousness, fear, or worry underneath that feels too vulnerable to show directly.

And often, it's simpler and harder than either of those: they're managing so many shifting emotions at once, and the people closest to them become the easiest place for that to spill out. Not because you caused it, because you're safe enough to be near when it does.
Underneath almost all of it is the same thing: inner turmoil that hasn't been looked at yet - not by them, and not with any real guidance or support.

Again, I like to ask you questions so you can sit with them:
· When my young adult snaps, am I responding to the anger itself - or to what might be underneath it, that they can't yet name?
· Have I asked what's actually going on inside them, or mostly asked about the visible things like school, work, plans?
· Is there a question I've been asking that might be hitting a nerve they don't have an answer for yet, either?

Something to think about: instead of "Why are you so angry?" try "You seem like you're carrying a lot right now. I don't need the answer today, but I'm here when you're ready."
That takes the pressure off needing to explain themselves in the moment, while still letting them know you see it.

If this sounds like what's happening in your home, my ‘Decoder’ downloadable article offers more ways to open these kinds of conversations.

Visit my website: https://accessanngerrard.com/the-decoder
or visit my bio above for a complimentary 20 minute chat

What Your Young Adult's Quitting Is Actually Trying to Tell You...
I've seen this a number of times: a young adult quits something, and everyone around them assumes it's laziness, or a lack of discipline. But that's rarely the real story.

What I usually find underneath is a young adult overwhelmed by inner change they don't have words for yet - carrying expectations they genuinely don't believe they can live up to. Sometimes they're quietly disagreeing with the direction their parents have hoped for them, without knowing how to say so out loud.
Sometimes there's no direction at all. Just anxiety, and a real fear of letting their parents down - so instead of risking that disappointment slowly, they quit before it becomes obvious.
And often, I see them overwhelmed elsewhere too - trying to fit into social circles at work or school, trying to comply with expectations that don't feel like them, quietly withdrawing because none of it feels like their own life anymore.

Somewhere in the middle of all that, gaming and screens become the continuing distraction. And then it's time to pay the piper - the deadlines, the responsibilities, the conversations they've been avoiding. Facing that feels like too much. The arguments. The disappointment. So some just give up entirely.

It's not always dramatic. Often it's quiet - I've watched young adults simply decide, somewhere inside, that whichever way they turn, it's too much, so they might as well take the hit now and quit, rather than keep carrying it forward.

A few questions I'd invite you to sit with:
•Is your young adult quitting the thing itself - or quitting the version of the future they felt pressured into wanting?
•Have you asked what direction actually feels right to them, or have you mostly told them what should?
•When they withdraw, are you responding to the quitting - or to what's underneath it?

Here's one shift I often suggest: instead of "Why did you quit?" try "What did carrying on start to feel like, right before you stopped?"
That question doesn't demand justification. It invites them to actually locate the moment it became too much - which tells you far more than "why" ever will.

If this sounds like what's happening in your home, The Decoder offers more ways to open this kind of conversation.
Visit Website to download the Decoder:
https://accessanngerrard.com/the-decoder Or
Link in bio for a complimentary 20-minute chat

Gaming, Screens, and the Boundaries Nobody Set Early Enough
Here's what's often actually happening, underneath the arguing:

Somewhere along the way, boundaries around gaming and phones got loose - no clear line on screens at the table, no real limit on hours, because life was busy and it felt easier to let it slide. And now that your young adult is older, that early flexibility has become something else entirely: a genuinely effective escape hatch from everything you're trying to get them to face - university applications/grades, job searching, taking on more responsibility, or just growing up in ways they're not ready for.

So instead of dealing with your expectations, or their own uncertainty about the future, they retreat into a different kind of noise - TikTok, hours of scrolling, online friends they've never actually met in person - and it works. It genuinely distracts. But it also quietly increases their isolation, one dopamine hit at a time.
And you're left nagging, arguing, going in circles, with no real plan - just exhaustion on both sides.

A few honest questions worth sitting with:
•When did the boundaries around screens actually get set - and were they ever really enforced, or did exhaustion just let them slide?
•Is the nagging actually about the gaming itself, or is it standing in for a bigger conversation about responsibility, direction, or growing up that neither of you knows how to start?
•What would it look like to name the real conversation directly, instead of fighting about the screen as a stand-in for it?

Here's one shift worth trying - a real question, asked directly:

"Is gaming (or phone scrolling) a way to avoid everything else going on right now - school, work, responsibilities, all of it? I'm not suggesting you get rid of it. I want to understand if it's actually helping you avoid things in your life you don't want to deal with."
Then, the real test:
"If I asked you to keep it to 2-3 hours a day, or an hour of gaming - could you honestly say you could do that? If no, why not?"

That last question does something the others can't: it's not asking them to explain themselves. It's asking them to actually test it. And if the honest answer is "no, I couldn't," that's not a failure - that's real information, for both of you, about what's actually going on underneath it.
This is just one piece of a bigger picture.

Visit my website: https://accessanngerrard.com/parents to learn more insights...

The Grind, The Crash, The Escape - Is This Actually Working For You?
Some of you put in the work. Classes, a job, whatever it is - you show up, you push through, you grind.
Then it's over, and something in you needs a release.
So, you reach for whatever gets you out of your own head the fastest:
gaming for hours, scrolling until your eyes hurt, a drink, maybe more than one.

Here's the thing - there are actually two very different ways to "get out of your head," and they don't do the same thing to you.

One kind numbs. Gaming for hours, endless scrolling, drinking to shut your thoughts off - these work fast, give you a dopamine fix, but they don't actually process anything. They just delay it. You come back to the exact same stress tomorrow, except now you're also tired, foggy, or hungover on top of it.

The other kind actually releases. A hard work-out. A walk in nature with no phone. Music that matches how you're actually feeling instead of drowning it out. Going to see a comedy show. Even just talking to one person who gets it. These take a bit more effort to reach for - but they genuinely let something out, to make you feel lighter, instead of just burying it deeper.

So, ask yourself honestly:
When I reach for gaming, scrolling, or a drink after a hard day - am I actually choosing it, or is it just the fastest thing within reach?
What would happen if I sat with my stress for five minutes before reaching for the escape - what am I actually trying to avoid feeling?
Why is numbing my go-to, instead of something that actually lets it out?

This isn't about cutting everything out overnight. It's about noticing the difference between what actually restores you, and what just distracts you long enough to avoid feeling it.

Visit: accessanngerrard.com/young-adults to get more insights, or follow along on my page for what's next.

Surviving Was the Skill As A Child. Excavating Is Next As A Young Adult. Building Is What's Waiting For You.
You've survived. You've adapted. You've carried a weight that was never yours, and you're still here - still trying, still showing up.

But surviving isn't the same skill as what comes next.
Surviving taught you how to get through life. It didn't teach you what to do with everything you buried to make it this far - the fear, the pressure, the version of yourself you built just to keep going.

That's where excavating comes in.
Not fixing.
Not erasing what happened.
Just carefully uncovering what's actually been buried underneath the coping you learned - so you can finally see it clearly, instead of just carrying it.

Survival got you here. Excavation is what gets you further. Building your own blueprint from what has surfaced allows you to build an inner life that is actually yours and thrives.
That's where I come in - to help guide you through it.
If this is landing for you today, you'll find tools here:

https://accessanngerrard.com/young-adults

If You're Raising a Young Adult Alone - The Most Important Person To Take Care of Right Now Is You.
Stay with me…here me out.

Every instinct you have as a parent, but especially as a single parent - points outward. Toward them. Their needs, their struggles, their next step. You've likely been running that way for so long it probably doesn't even feel like a choice anymore. It just feels like who you are.
I’ve been where you are and what I’ve seen of working with young adults and families:
The single parents who make the most difference to their struggling young adult are never the ones who pushed hardest or researched most or gave most.
They're the ones who at some point - stopped. Breathed. And did something radical.
They took care of themselves first.

Not instead of their young adult.
Not at their expense.
First. Because you cannot think clearly when you're depleted.
You cannot respond instead of react.
You cannot hold space for someone else's chaos when yours is full.

Here's what taking care of yourself actually looks like – and it isn't a spa day:
It's telling someone the truth about how hard this actually is.
It's asking for help - from a friend, a professional, anyone - without framing it as a failure.
It's stopping the 2am research spiral that never ends in answers, only more fear.
It's acknowledging that you are also in the middle of something hard - and that you also deserve support.

Ask yourself these questions…and sit with them:
What would I tell a close friend who was carrying exactly what I'm carrying right now?
What am I pretending is fine - that isn't?
What one thing could I do this week - just one - that would resource me instead of drain me?

And if you've been watching your young adult struggle and quietly wondering whether getting some outside support might help - that wondering is worth listening to.

The Family Alignment Session is where that conversation starts. 90 minutes. Just clarity.

→ Visit my website for resources you need: https://accessanngerrard.com

As a Single Parent Know That Your Young Adult’s Behaviour is Speaking.
Here's what it's actually saying.
When you're exhausted - and single parents of young adults are almost always exhausted - your brain filters out complexity. It simplifies. It categorises. It protects you from overwhelm by turning nuance into noise.
Which means the very signals your young adult is sending to communicate that something is wrong - get filed under "difficult behaviour" instead of "distress signal."
And then you respond to the behaviour. Which doesn't work. Because the behaviour was never the point.
Here are the signals that single parents most commonly miss - not because they're not watching, but because they don't know what they're looking at:
Withdrawal isn't rudeness.
When your young adult disappears into their room, goes quiet, stops sharing - that's not rejection. That's overwhelm they don't have language for yet. They're not shutting you out. They're shutting the world out. You just happen to be part of the world right now.
Anger isn't disrespect.
When everything becomes an argument, when they snap at nothing, when the smallest thing becomes a flashpoint - that's not a character problem, it’s anxiety or pain looking for somewhere to go. You're safe. So, you get it.
Paralysis isn't laziness.
When they can't seem to move forward - can't choose, can't start, can't commit to anything - that's not lack of motivation, but a nervous system in freeze mode. Pushing harder makes it worse. Always.
The performance is the problem.
When they seem fine, posting, laughing, functioning - but something feels off to you underneath it. Trust that feeling. You know your child. The performance of ‘okayness’ is often the loudest signal of all.
Ask yourself these questions without judgment:
Which of these sounds most like what I'm seeing right now?
Have I been responding to the behaviour or trying to reach the person underneath it?
What would change if I stopped trying to fix it and started trying to understand it?
You don't need all the answers. You just need a different set of questions.
Visit my website: https://accessanngerrard/parents

.com

Your Life Noise Is Louder Than You Think - And It's Costing You

Are you a young adult juggling a job, maybe classes and figuring out who you actually are underneath it all?

Between all of that - there's another layer running constantly underneath it all. Not the responsibilities themselves. The noise around you.
The scrolling that fills every gap.
The notifications that never really stop.
The comparison that creeps in the second you open an app. None of this is an accident - it's built to hold your attention, engineered so you keep coming back, keep reaching, keep looking outward instead of in.

And here's the real cost, backed by real data: boys' depression increased by 21% between 2012 and 2015, and girls' increased by 50% - the same years smartphone ownership became nearly universal among teens and young adults. It hasn't slowed down since. By 2022, average daily smartphone use had nearly doubled compared to 2018, and researchers tracking over 7,000 young people found that the likelihood of depressive symptoms increased up to seven times as screen time increased - with anxiety, sleep disruption, and overall well-being following the same pattern.
Even more telling: by 2024, 45% of young adults said they were spending too much time on social media - up from just 27% two years earlier. They're starting to feel it too.

This isn't a coincidence, and it isn't a personal failing. It's what happens when anxiousness builds, overwhelm builds, and slowly, outside influences start managing your inner world for you - at a real cost to your mental health.

Here are 4 ways to start reclaiming that space:

1. A daily phone-free window. Just 30 minutes. Not during class or work — those don't count, and let's be honest, that's not real willpower. Pick a window that's actually yours, and protect it.

2. Two tech-free activities, just for you. A walk. Journaling. Music with no screen in front of you. Not productivity. Not self-improvement. Just yours.

3. Write down or keep a tally of the distraction you reach for automatically. You'll probably be surprised.

4. A weekly check-in with yourself. Same time each week — Friday, or whenever actually works for you. Not a big production. Just a few honest questions: Am I less tired? Less anxious?
What's actually shifting?

Then what?
Then you start thinking outside the box you've been living in.
You start making choices for yourself, instead of just reacting to whatever comes at you.
You learn to respond with confidence and calm, instead of reacting on autopilot.
You start creating your own operating blueprint - one that's actually, truly yours.

If you're interested in chatting:
https://SchedulewithAnnG.as.me/

If You're a Young Adult Who's Ever Wondered What I Can Do For You as a Life Coach - Let Me Tell You Directly.

Because there's a lot of confusion about this. And I'd rather be honest with you than let you come in with the wrong expectations.

Here's what I don't do:
I don't fix you. There is nothing broken. There is nothing to fix. If I thought there was something wrong with you I wouldn't be in this work.

I don't tell you what to do. If I hand you a roadmap that's mine - you'll follow it for a while, then quietly abandon it, because it was never yours. Directions only work when you know where you actually want to go.

I don't give you motivation speeches. Motivation is temporary. What I'm interested in is something much more durable - self-trust. Because once you trust your own judgment, you don't need anyone else's energy to keep you going.

I don't judge what you've done or not done. I've heard everything. I'm not shocked by anything. And I'm genuinely not interested in your past except for what it tells us about what's buried underneath it.

Here's what I actually do:
I help you hear yourself.
Most young adults have spent so long listening to other people's voices - parents, teachers, social media, peers - that their own voice has gotten very quiet. My job is to create enough space and safety that your actual voice starts to come through again.

I help you identify what's buried.
Underneath the anxiety, the stuckness, the confusion, the performing - there is something real. Something that was there before the world started telling you who to be. I've been doing this for nearly a decade. I know how to find it.

I give you tools - not answers.
The tools work in your life long after our sessions end. That's the point. I'm not interested in you needing me indefinitely. I'm interested in you not needing me.

I see what's in you before you can see it yourself.
This is the part that's hardest to explain but most important to say. I've worked with enough young people to know:

What looks like lost is almost always buried.
What looks like broken is almost always bent.
What looks like gone is almost always waiting.
I see it. Even when you can't yet.

If any of this sounds like what you've been looking for reach out. No pressure. Just a conversation.

→ Book a call: https://SchedulewithAnnG.as.me