Tayla Y Xerri

I think one of the biggest common denominators I’ve noticed from coaching women over the years is just how easy it is for us to put ourselves last.

And I get it.

You’re a mum. A wife. A partner. A daughter. You have work, responsibilities and people you genuinely care about and want to show up for.

But i think along the way, a lot of women have learnt that prioritising themselves is selfish.

And I don’t think being selfish is always a bad thing.

Your health is worth prioritising.
Your mental space is worth protecting.
Your goals are worth making time for.
YOU are worth prioritising.

Because if looking after yourself is constantly pushed to the bottom of the list, of course your goals are eventually going to start feeling like another chore you “have to” squeeze in.

I don’t want you to train because you have to.

I want you to make time to move your body because you’ve decided that showing up for yourself matters too.

Sometimes that might mean saying no to someone else.

Sometimes it means setting a boundary.

Sometimes it means challenging the guilt that comes up when you choose yourself.

And sometimes it means keeping a promise you made to yourself even when nobody else would know if you broke it.

We spend so much time worrying about disappointing other people.

But what about disappointing yourself?

I wish more women cared about showing up for themselves with the same love, effort and consideration they so freely give to everyone else.

Not because you need to earn your worth by being disciplined or productive.

But because you’re already worthy of your own time.

We’re always asking what we need to do more of to reach our goals.

And sometimes, yeah, maybe there is something you need to add.

But what if progress isn’t always about adding more?

What if there are also things you need to let go of?

Maybe it’s the all-or-nothing mindset that turns one meal out into “stuff it, I’ll start again Monday.”

Maybe it’s the belief that a workout only counts if you give it 100%.

Maybe it’s constantly telling yourself you have “no self-control” around food, without ever getting curious about why food feels so hard to control in the first place.

Maybe it’s waiting until you feel motivated before you take action.

Or maybe it’s the belief that if you could just lose the weight, then you’d finally become the person who trains consistently, looks after herself, feels confident and prioritises her health.

But what if we’ve got that backwards?

Instead of only focusing on what you want to have, start thinking about who you want to be.

Who is the woman you’re trying to become?

How does she speak to herself?
What does she do when she has a s**t day?
Does she give up because she missed a workout, or does she adjust?
Does she wait until she feels motivated, or has she built ways to show up without it?
What decisions does she make most of the time?

And maybe most importantly:

What beliefs about yourself do you need to stop carrying with you if you want to become her?

Because I think we can become so focused on finding the next strategy that we forget we’re bringing the same beliefs, behaviours and expectations into every new thing we try.

That doesn’t mean mindset is the only reason you’re struggling, or that you can simply think your way to your goals.

It’s just another piece worth getting curious about.

Sometimes we’re so focused on what we need to gain that we forget to ask what we might need to lose.

There’s a difference between being told that nothing concerning has shown up… and actually understanding why you still don’t feel like yourself.

And I think this is where a lot of women end up feeling stuck.

You might have had blood work done.
You might have seen your GP.
You might already train, eat pretty well and feel like you’re doing all the “right” things.

Yet you’re still thinking…

Okay… so what do I actually do from here?

And this is where I believe there is so much value in zooming out.

Not looking at a blood marker in isolation.
Not blaming every symptom on one thing.
And definitely not desperately searching for something “wrong” with you.

But taking the time to understand you.

Your symptoms. Your history. Your nutrition. Your digestion. Your cycle. Your sleep. Your stress. Your training. Your recovery. Your lifestyle.

Because sometimes there isn’t one huge answer.

Sometimes there are smaller gaps we can actually work on. Sometimes there are patterns worth paying attention to. And sometimes something comes up that deserves further investigation with your healthcare team.

The point isn’t to find a problem. The point is to stop guessing.

To take all of that information and ask:

What can we actually do with this?

Because ultimately, I don’t want to just hand you calories and macros and send you on your way.

I want you to understand your body better.
I want your plan to make sense for you.
And I want you to feel like there is actually somewhere to go from here.

You deserve to feel heard but you also deserve support that helps you turn what you’re experiencing into something actionable. 🤍

Some things you might need to hear today…
Said with love 🫶🏻

You can expect more of yourself and still be compassionate.

Knowing the difference between making excuses and genuinely needing to pull back is a skill.

I think it’s one of the most important ones you can learn when working towards a goal.

Sometimes rest is the right call.
There will be times where things need to adjust, expectations need to come down, and life genuinely requires more of your energy else where.

BUT there will also be days where you’re tired, unmotivated, busy or simple CBF

And you still need to do the thing!

Self compassion doesn’t mean constantly letting yourself off the hook.

And accountability doesn’t mean forcing yourself through everything regardless of what your body or circumstances are telling you.

Both can exist at the same time.

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is rest.

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is actually follow through on what you said you were going to do.

Discipline is also a form of self love.

Learning to tell the difference is a skill that takes time 🫶🏻

There is actually a reason for all of these, I promise.
Read the captions 😂

Was there any that you do?
Let me know 😂👇🏼

**tmaxxing

I started paying a lot more attention to my light environment at night once I learnt more about circadian rhythm and how strongly light helps signal to our brain whether it’s time to be awake or wind down.

Bright light at night can interfere with that “hey, it’s getting dark, time to prepare for sleep” signal, especially light with more short-wavelength/blue content.

So once the sun goes down, I try to dim things down and use warmer/red lighting instead of having bright overhead lights blasting through the house.

Do you need to turn your bedroom into a red-light district to sleep well? Absolutely not. 😂

I’m just here for the vibezzz, know what I’m sayn?
Circadian rhythm 🤝 brothel chic.

This is less about the supplements themselves and more about making habits easier to follow.

I know myself well enough to know that if something is hidden in a cupboard, there’s a very good chance I’ll forget about it 😂

So I keep the things I regularly use somewhere visible, where they naturally fit into my routine.

It’s such a simple example of something I talk about with clients all the time:

Instead of constantly relying on motivation or memory, change your environment to make the behaviour you want easier.

Want to drink more water? Make it visible.
Want to remember your supplements? Put them somewhere you’ll see them.
Want to eat more fruit? Don’t hide it in the back of the fridge.

Sometimes better habits don’t require more discipline.

This one is honestly just a personal preference.

Over time I became more conscious of the water I was drinking every day and decided I wanted to switch to filtered water.

Now I genuinely prefer the taste 😂 Once I got used to it, I found it hard to go back.

I also want to acknowledge that not everyone has the means, access or desire to buy filtered water or install a filtration system and having access to safe drinking water is far more important than trying to make your water “perfect.”

This is definitely not me saying you need to stop drinking

I wish I could tell her all of this. 🥹
But then again… maybe she needed to live it to become who she is now. 🤍

I think one of the best things that’s happened to me as a coach is changing my mind 😂

After 14+ years of training and 8+ years of coaching, there are plenty of things I do VERY differently now.

There are things I used to swear by in my own training, things I was taught early in my career, and things I thought were simply the “right” way to train.

More exercises. More sets. More intensity. Changing programs every few weeks. Perfect technique before progressing. Avoiding certain movements because they were “bad.”

And over time, actually coaching people — not just learning about coaching — has changed a lot of that.

Because people aren’t robots.

Someone can have the “perfect” program on paper, but if they’re constantly missing sessions, never getting enough exposure to a movement, training exhausted, or trying to progress everything at once… how perfect is it really?

These days I care a lot more about what someone can consistently execute and progress over time.

Sometimes that means keeping the same program longer.

Sometimes it means doing less volume, but doing it really fu***ng well.

Sometimes it means using a machine because the added stability is exactly what we want.

Sometimes it means letting someone’s spine actually move 😂

And sometimes it means looking at what you had planned for the day and deciding that just because you can push harder, doesn’t mean you should.

Importantly, the reverse is true too.

Feeling a little tired isn’t automatically a reason to abandon training or pull everything back.

There’s a difference between genuinely needing to adjust and simply not feeling 100% that day.

That’s where coaching, judgement and experience come in — learning when to push, when to maintain, and when to pull back.

I don’t think good coaching is about being married to one method.

The more I learn, the more I’m willing to change my mind when there’s a better way to get the person in front of me where they want to go.

And I’m sure in another 8 years I’ll have another list of things I do completely differently 😂

What are somethings you have changed your mind about or learnt differently? 👇🏼👇🏼

I think we sometimes forget that two things can be true at the same time.

I can give myself grace AND hold myself accountable.

I can recognise that I’ve had a s**t week AND recognise when I could’ve shown up better.

I can love and accept my body AND still have goals for it.

I can take a day off because I genuinely need it AND have a standard around how I want to consistently show up for myself.

For me, self-compassion has never meant removing all expectations I have of myself.

And accountability doesn’t have to mean punishing myself every time I fall short either.

There’s a middle ground.

I don’t expect myself to be perfect.

But I do expect something from myself.

And when I don’t meet that?

I can get curious about why, make changes where I need to, and try again without turning it into evidence that I’m lazy, failing or “not good enough.”

You can be kind to yourself AND still call yourself out sometimes 😂

I actually think learning to hold both is where a lot of growth happens.