The International Rugby Memes Club

And so it begins 🤣

Forums placed on “high alert” as experts warn of possible surge in gloating, chest-pumping and unsolicited World Cup statistics

By Percival “Percy” Puddleton, Award-Winning Rugby Journalist — The Daily Knock On

Rugby supporters around the world are reportedly preparing for a potentially “challenging period for online rugby discourse” should South Africa defeat the All Blacks in the second Test of the Greatest Rivalry Tour in Cape Town.

Following New Zealand’s victory in the opening Test, rugby forums have enjoyed an unusually peaceful few days, with supporters able to discuss rugby without being immediately reminded of something that happened at a World Cup.

But administrators are now on high alert.

“We’ve had a relatively safe environment since the first Test,” said Rugby Banter International administrator Colin Maulster. “If South Africa win, we’re expecting approximately 47,000 posts within the first six minutes.”

Facebook group administrator Gareth Forward said contingency plans were already being considered.

“We’re not worried about normal gloating. That’s part of sport. It’s the possibility of 900 consecutive posts beginning with ‘Just remember, FOUR…’ that concerns us.”

Internet providers in South Africa are also reportedly preparing for unprecedented demand.

One telecommunications executive, Pieter Van Broadband, said networks could struggle under the expected volume of activity.

“We’re expecting a significant increase in profile pictures changing to Springbok players, trophy emojis and people typing in capital letters.”

South African supporter Braam “Bok” Botha insisted there was nothing to worry about.

“If we win, we’ll be humble and gracious,” he said.

He then paused.

“For at least three minutes.”

Springbok supporters have been encouraged to celebrate responsibly, avoid unnecessary historical comparisons and refrain from informing All Blacks supporters that their team is “finished” until at least the final whistle.

Forum administrators have also been advised to keep emergency supplies of mute buttons, comment restrictions and screenshots of previous predictions close at hand.

Puddleton understands several rugby pages are already preparing their “South Africa has won one Test and suddenly invented rugby” response posts.

The second Test is expected to take place shortly.

The internet, meanwhile, is holding its breath.

And somewhere in South Africa, thousands of thumbs are warming up.

Wow, this will be interesting when rolled out!

If you haven’t already, go give the Lions Den page a follow.

They always have groundbreaking scoops courtesy of The Daily Knock On.

New technology allows officials to identify future offenders, saving valuable time during matches.

By Percival “Percy” Puddleton, Award-Winning Journalist — The Daily Knock On.

World Rugby has unveiled an ambitious new disciplinary system inspired by the 2002 science-fiction thriller Minority Report, allowing referees to yellow or red-card players before they have actually committed an offence.

The revolutionary system, known as Pre-Card, uses artificial intelligence, historical disciplinary records and what World Rugby describes as “a highly sophisticated understanding of vibes” to predict which players are likely to commit foul play.

“We've decided there’s no reason to wait until someone actually does something wrong,” explained World Rugby official Nigel Whistleton.

“If our system predicts that a player is going to make a dangerous tackle in the 63rd minute, we can simply send him off in the 58th. It’s much more efficient.”
Under the new system, referees will reportedly receive predictions such as:

PLAYER: NUMBER 6
LIKELY OFFENCE: HIGH TACKLE
ESTIMATED TIME: 71:42
CONFIDENCE: 87%

The player will then be removed from the field immediately.
Asked what happens if the player never commits the predicted offence, Whistleton said:
“Well, that's the beauty of Pre-Card. We’ll never know.”

Players will also apparently be able to appeal decisions before they happen.
One unnamed international forward has already reportedly received a red card for an incident scheduled to occur next Saturday.

World Rugby insists the technology has been rigorously tested.
“We showed it footage of a rugby player looking slightly annoyed,” said Whistleton. “It predicted three penalties, a yellow card and an argument with the referee within 20 minutes.”

The system is expected to be expanded next year to predict forward passes, deliberate knock-ons and players who are statistically likely to complain about refereeing decisions.

At press time, one player had reportedly been suspended for thinking about thinking about retaliating.

The player's appeal was unsuccessful.

The disciplinary panel ruled that his thoughts had “clear and obvious intent.”

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Credit:
Jannie Currie

Photo credit:
Scorchio Demetrius